azurelunatic: (Queer as a) $3 bill in pink/purple/blue rainbow.  (queer as a three dollar bill)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 ([personal profile] azurelunatic) wrote2017-02-08 05:09 pm

On non-binary dysphoria, and top surgery

Quoted with permission. The writer is non-binary gendered, AFAB, and has recently had top surgery.

One of the best things about [top surgery] is how quickly my dysphoria has eased. One of the things I worried about was whether I actually had dysphoria - after all, I was managing to hold down at least one job, go out, have a relationship and so on. I was pretty functional, right? Now I've actually had surgery, I realise how bad it was: all the things I avoided because it meant putting a binder on, all the ways it impacted my relationship and friendships, the way it affected about how I felt about my body, the constant buzzing low level awareness that couldn't be switched off. And now it's gone, and its absence is so noticeable.
tim: Tim with short hair, smiling, wearing a black jacket over a white T-shirt (Default)

[personal profile] tim 2017-02-09 01:25 am (UTC)(link)
I'm genderqueer enough (I guess? this feels like an implementation-detail thing, not a public-API thing) that sometimes I want to femme it up and in those situations, my no-longer-existent F-cup breasts would come in handy. But I didn't want permanently-attached breasts, and since there are no detachable breasts, I got them detached and I've never regretted it. Easier to wear fake boobs (whether that means stuffing a bra with socks or something else) than to go through most of my life with breasts I don't want just so I can occasionally do something I mildly like but am not too attached to.
kyleri: (Default)

[personal profile] kyleri 2017-02-09 01:57 am (UTC)(link)
I mostly dress femme & I mean the chesthangers I'm stuck with look nice with the dresses & all? but ARGH i still do not want them

& honestly I'm pretty sure I'd just be insufficiently arsed to stuff & go around boobless wearing dresses, which would probably be amusing for the looks I'd get if naught else.
tim: Tim with short hair, smiling, wearing a black jacket over a white T-shirt (Default)

[personal profile] tim 2017-02-09 01:59 am (UTC)(link)
I would just wear dresses too if I wasn't scared to do it on the street (outside, like, parties with other queer trans people). The reasons why I want to and don't feel like I can are best left for exploration at some time when I have more spoons to think about why ;)

But yeah, I was attempting to affirm the point Azz was quoting, and go a step beyond and say: even someone who didn't unambivalently hate their breasts (me) was still happy to be done with them :)
kyleri: (Default)

[personal profile] kyleri 2017-02-09 02:11 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah I basically look like a girl so wearing dresses isn't gonna get me punched at least. Once I got over the childhood 'dresses=girl but not a girl??' stuff they got pretty easy for me.

& thank you for the affirming thing. I would quite like for mine to be gone. Alas, money.
tim: Tim with short hair, smiling, wearing a black jacket over a white T-shirt (Default)

[personal profile] tim 2017-02-09 02:13 am (UTC)(link)
Yep :/ Insurance paid for mine. Unfortunately, the way things are looking, it looks like whatever progress has been made in the area of insurance covering transition-related care will be rolled back.
kyleri: (Default)

[personal profile] kyleri 2017-02-09 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I'd JUST gotten a doctor I could finally talk to about it, & now this...

I'm glad you got your snippy-snippy while the getting was good.
vass: a man in a bat suit says "I am a model of mental health!" (Bats)

[personal profile] vass 2017-02-09 08:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you, this is really helpful to hear from someone who's been there.

I didn't want permanently-attached breasts

I can remember... whenever it was I first heard King Missile's 'Detachable Penis', thinking OMG I WANT DETACHABLE BREASTS. And having a recurring fantasy of being able to just leave them in my underwear drawer when I'm not using them. I did not, at the time, identify those thoughts as dysphoria.

It took me a long while to get from there to "no, seriously, it is time to look into top surgery." (looking-into still in progress)

am not too attached to.

*snickers at pun*
tim: Tim with short hair, smiling, wearing a black jacket over a white T-shirt (Default)

[personal profile] tim 2017-02-10 05:36 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I certainly had cis female friends who told me "I wish I could get top surgery!" to which my response was "um... you can..." (though I'm guessing they all would have been happy to have much smaller breasts, rather than none.)

I halfway thought about getting a reduction to A-cup so that I could still have boobs for sexyfun genderfuck times, but bind much more easily... but in the end I was so sick of binding that I didn't want to go half-assed. Or half-boobed.
vass: A sepia-toned line-drawing of a man in naval uniform dancing a hornpipe, his crotch prominent (Default)

[personal profile] vass 2017-02-10 08:16 am (UTC)(link)
I'm not cis.
niqaeli: my boobs on display from the wedding (boobs!)

[personal profile] niqaeli 2017-02-09 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
That sounds quite lovely. I'm glad for them.

I just... really wish I were small enough that I could even bind effectively. Some day I'll have the fuckers off, but not likely any time soon. (It will involve a lot of hoop jumping I am nowhere near having the cope to start in on.)

And the funny thing is, I like mine many days. But I'd like them a whole damn lot better if I could ever STOP wearing them.
tim: Tim with short hair, smiling, wearing a black jacket over a white T-shirt (Default)

[personal profile] tim 2017-02-09 04:38 am (UTC)(link)
And the funny thing is, I like mine many days. But I'd like them a whole damn lot better if I could ever STOP wearing them.

Oh yeah, SUCH a great way to put it! I had my doubts beforehand but it was all worth it for just being able to throw on a T-shirt and leave the house.

(And pants too, I mean.)
Edited 2017-02-09 04:38 (UTC)
inoru_no_hoshi: The most ridiculous chandelier ever: shaped like a penis. Text: Sparklepeen. (Default)

[personal profile] inoru_no_hoshi 2017-02-17 03:19 pm (UTC)(link)
And the funny thing is, I like mine many days. But I'd like them a whole damn lot better if I could ever STOP wearing them.

YES. THIS. EXACTLY.

(Also, the thought of never having to shop for bras ever again is amazingly enticing. Tho I admit I'm femme enough I'd want fake boobs for Reasons.)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)

[personal profile] alatefeline 2017-02-09 02:58 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you and thanks to the OP for sharing.
enemyofperfect: a spray of orange leaves against a muted background (Default)

[personal profile] enemyofperfect 2017-02-09 08:43 am (UTC)(link)
Seconded!
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[personal profile] syntaxofthings 2017-02-09 03:04 am (UTC)(link)
I really appreciate this. \o/
redsixwing: Red-winged angel staring at a distant star. (Default)

[personal profile] redsixwing 2017-02-09 04:21 pm (UTC)(link)
<3

The absence of discomfort is a subtle pleasure.

Thanks.