azurelunatic: (Pacifica)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 ([personal profile] azurelunatic) wrote2017-03-19 03:01 pm

Sociable weekend

Friday: I woke up at a sensible hour, and did housework. Purple emailed me about the afternoon's beer bash, and I collected myself to go to that. I was running a little late, but made it at last, just before Purple arrived himself. I ran into a few people, and saw people from my old team sitting around the fire pit.

I collected with them there, and Purple soon joined me.

One of my old team had been going through some significant personal changes; she talked a little about that. I gave her reciprocal information, and my card with my real name, and the information to join the tech-slack. (Later, I would ping a former colleague who had done some pioneering work on that process in this workplace, and thank her, since it sounded like my old teammate had gone through a much better experience with the workplace bureaucracy than the former colleague had.)

She and Purple proceeded to talk synthesizer projects until she left to catch her train.

I will need to email my old manager about when to visit in the next few weeks.

The food offerings were surprisingly edible for the context. It was corned beef and cabbage sandwiches with slightly inexplicably rubbery rolls, some under-fried potato-and-cabbage fried things (tasty, but with the consistency of glue), various very green vegetables (cucumber, peas, broccoli, asparagus, and possibly more), cheese soup, and ... green hummus. No green beer, though.

It was a gorgeous evening, not quite too warm. We were joined by the Scruffy Canadian briefly. Someone who I thought might be the Cute Receptionist wandered by. Since I'd missed connecting with her the last time I thought I saw her, when she got close enough I called the name. In case it was her.

It was her. We caught up a bit. Purple teased me.

We hailed lb as he was headed out of the office with his deep dish pizza leftovers. There was a good chat, including some wtf-ery over a github thread that a new arrival in channel had shared (and participated in). There are some statements, such as "An SJW's work is never done", which have radically different meanings based on the context of the person who said it, and since we don't know them that well yet, we are uncertain whether this person is working for the greater good, or complaining about people working for the greater good.

There were dinner plans. I nearly accidentally left my phone in Purple's office until it tweeted.

Dinner was nice. We really should go to the Thai restaurant near the Trader Joe's more often, since it's delicious, close, and reasonably priced. Despite the bell peppers, prawns, and peanuts in nearly everything. (I am attempting to figure out whether peanuts take the surface of my mouth off the way walnuts do, because that would just be ... perfect.)

The Signal app has resolved some of its issues for voice calls, and my partner and I were able to talk nearly all the way home. It only cut out at the place that still gets me a lot on regular network calls, where 35 joins 280 by San Andreas Lake.

It's lovely to say a sleepy goodnight to my partner as we both settle into our beds, and go to sleep with the connection open, knowing that the other is there. I swapped my old Douchebag Headphone (the around-the-neck model with the earbuds) for one that purportedly connects to two devices automatically (it did not, but it wasn't a downgrade) and thus my partner got my old one. (It so happens that I'm the one who digs leading-edge tech, and they like to squeeze every last drop of usefulness out of old tech, so we are an excellent pair there.) They are enjoying it. I was delighted when I saw them in it, because the colors are accidentally representative of both of our favorites.

Saturday started out quietly, with various audio and video chat. One of the video chat things was marred by no helpful audio coming through from the other end; I should have reset when I noticed that it wasn't doing so well.

A friend just had some technically-minor surgery, and I had made plans to go over and say hello and congratulate this weekend. There was a little bit of plan-changing, but in the end I went over there in the afternoon and said hello and such. My aunt had stopped by with some fabric for me and some cashew butter for them. Due to the placement of the surgery, we kept ourselves to heartfelt arm-clasps and some back-patting.

When I got back down to the street, I discovered that a Very Large Pickup Truck had pulled up alongside me with its hazard lights on. Unfortunately, the driver was nowhere in sight, and I wasn't sure if I had enough room to pull out. (I was parallel parked, with a sedan nearly touching my bumper in the back, and a Prius a good distance in front of me, and less than a car length of space on the diagonal to get out.) I decided that I would make one try at it, and if I didn't have clearance that I was comfortable with, I would stop and wait for the driver to return.

It turned out that even though I think there was only one foot of clearance on each side, I was able to get out. (My partner cheered me on.)

I wound up picking up dinner on my way home. They did manage to get my order wrong, although in a different way to what I thought: I thought they'd gotten the wrong thing to the right receipt entry; they had in fact gotten the order entirely wrong from the receipt on down. The replacement was also subtly wrong, but I was not going to argue at that point. (My partner, who had been on the phone the entire time, heard my order and was able to verify that if it was a hallucination that I'd said that, it was a shared hallucination.)

The calendar sharing is going well so far.

There had been an incident. (My partner and I arranged a date; it hadn't gone in their calendar because they thought they'd remember it. Unfortunately, three people managed to step square in each other's complicated traumas, and it took a while to recover. With a lot of communication and crying.) After that, I shared my social calendar with my partner (not the full-on calendar with the specifics on the doctor appointments and such). I also shared the "shadow calendar" I'd made for them, the one that has their work schedule and all the stuff that they tell me about when we're planning our weeks. It's not yet time for us to share a single social calendar.

My partner has shared that calendar on with the friends they're staying with until the situation with the ex gets cleared up. They're not quite comfortable sharing it with others ... just yet. That may change, as the weeks go on.

Today, I'm setting up the week to come, and doing the various communication that goes with it. It's not sexy or glamorous, but it's the little bits of caring contact that helps sustain a relationship. I have to remember to translate the four to five calendar entries that make up one doctor-type appointment into a single block in the social time, ideally when entering it, but at minimum when setting up the week to come.

My attention deficit disorder was diagnosed in the fall of 2015. For a while, I'm not sure exactly how long, I've had to start with the actual time of the actual event I'm going to, and schedule backwards and forwards from that, in order to make sure I have a fair chance of getting there on time and in good order.

First I enter the event, with its actual duration.

Then I figure out where I'm going to be before the event, and figure out how long it takes me to get to that place from the place I am going to be before that. (It usually takes me an hour or so to get from home to any given place in the city of San Francisco; 45 minutes to get to old-work; an hour to get further down-peninsula; anywhere from 30 minutes to over an hour to get across the Bay.) I make a separate calendar entry for the transit time, with a little wiggle room.

I figure out where the next place I need to be is, and I do the same thing for that side.

I then give myself an hour's notice to start getting ready, even if I'm scheduled for something else at that time.

If it looks like it's close to my likely sleep time, I count back an hour further and allocate that as wake-up time. (If I haven't slept enough, I will use the wake-up time for an extra hour of sleep, and try to do any complicated prep the night before. Using a checklist, if possible. Sometimes this warrants an entry of its own.)

If it's early enough, I will count back eight hours from the wake time, and schedule that as sleep.
When it's a scheduled sleep time, I will have to schedule myself a bedtime reminder, which is an hour before sleep.

Sometimes, there's a chance that events will run long. In the case of my regular dentist, they've been known to run an hour late. So for them, I schedule in that buffer time. Just in case.

If it's a doctor appointment, the actual appointment goes in my bright red non-negotiable deadlines calendar, and all the ancillary things get in my main calendar. If it's not a doctor or similar, the main event goes directly in my personal calendar.

When it's something that's going to affect my social calendar, the fore and aft transit times and the event itself get globbed into one block of time that I'm unavailable for other events. Since my social calendar can be shared with people who don't need any personal details, unless it's a public(-ish) event, it gets described in vague terms. Dr. X at this address on this floor for this purpose gets vague-ed into "Doctor Appointment."

Stuff in my partner's shadow calendar get vague-ed up the same way. Why yes, my partner is going to X event at Y venue, there is a topic, and they're going with Z. That is "With Z at [vague description]." Or "Date with Z." Before my partner shared the calendar with their hosts, I scrubbed back through and edited a few items that I'd put on there, which had a little too much detail for general consumption. Even so, their hosts were clearly reading through past events, because I overheard Ms. Documentation read out the title of one (with some questions), and I promptly collapsed in giggles. Oh, dear.

There are two current crocheting projects, one of them started a while back. The older one is the penis-based sex ed hat, a sequel to the vagina-based one. So far I have urethra, bladder, glans, some ductwork, and I need to stuff the first testicle before I can close it up. (The testicle is blue, naturally.) I will probably put a drawstring or something on the scrotum so the testes can be examined easily.

The other one is a lace nightgown out of black #10 crochet-cotton thread. I'm putting #6 clear blue-green iris beads on it here and there. We'll see how long I take to finish that one. The beads are in a narrow prescription bottle that fits nicely inside the ball of thread.

I have been going back to paper to-do lists for daily use, and attempting to scan them into my image archives. I've started dating them so I have a better idea of how things went. It's been a fairly reasonable system for reminding me of what I need to get done, and I can move things forward in a helpful way. Sometimes I start pages ahead of time for stuff that needs to be done on a specific date.

After a week and a half of the new meds, I am encouraged at what they're doing with my sleep. That may wind up being a separate entry.

[personal profile] sithjawa 2017-03-22 01:17 am (UTC)(link)
I have tried timing things to that level of detail but it doesn't work for me - it gets to the Too Many Things, I Am Overwhelmed level. I can divide the timing into 3 categories: Before leaving the house, Between the house and the car, and After getting in the car. I'd say that on average, there is an unexpected up to 20 minute delay in "Before leaving the house" about 1/3 of the time, and in "Between the house and car" about 1/3 of the time. The rest of delays must, by process of elimination, be occurring after getting in the car. Now, the thing that is puzzling about this is that I usually budget more than 20 minutes extra, and sometimes the drive is 5 minutes long with no traffic spots. Occasionally, that's due to I didn't realize I was out of gas (my car goes very rapidly from just under 1/2 tank to empty).

It's worth noting that if the maximum expected delay occurs at all steps, I need 80 minutes of *extra* time for a 5 minute drive (meaning I should give myself at least 95 minutes, but I suspect I usually only give myself 45 minutes from expected time-to-leave-house because getting somewhere that's 5 minutes away 80 minutes early would be catastrophic), and 1:45 extra time for a 30 minute drive (meaning I should give myself at least 2:25 with expected time to leave the house, but I suspect I usually only give myself 1:00, because I don't *actually* want to spend 2 hours in a coffee shop on the other end).

I think what it boils down to is that the variance due to small things has reached unacceptable levels ("Pippin stole my keys", "Did I eat today?", "Now I have panicked and cannot move", "SUDDEN EXHAUSTION SPIKE!", "Pippin dashed out door and I have to chase her", "horse blocking gate", "Landlady has URGENT THING TO TELL ME for 20 minutes", "landlady changed how gate has opened and I cannot figure out how to open it", "knees no longer function but I have to get down this hill somehow", "wait I had half a tank when I left the house and now I have no gas", "now we are going 5mph", "exit is blocked for construction", "I had a half tank of gas but after an hour of stop and go I'm out", "now I desperately have to pee because it's taken me 2 hours to get 1/2 hour from the house," "Google Street View lied to me," "wait but where do I park", "is this really the address this is a porn studio", etc.) and taking the average doesn't work because of high variance-of-which-variances-will-occur (e.g. it won't usually be around half of them, and some of them have a tendency to snowball, like "because you had to do so many last minute things in a rush on the way out the house you're exhausted and your legs don't work, and this means you missed your traffic window and now there's an accident on the route you planned, which now means you are out of gas from the stop-and-go and desperately need to pee, and now you are late, frantic, and exhausted so you are missing exits left and right and cannot figure out obvious things like that it is the place NEXT DOOR TO the porn studio").

I think what I need to do (and this will probably even work, for the things that are 1/2 hour or more away) is plan to locate a quiet coffee shop and decompress for 1/2 hour at the far end. Probably locate the coffee shop in advance. Then, add an average of half the likely delay time. That means if I'm right, things will be about right, if I'm early I can relax for a bit longer, and if I'm late I'll be 10 minutes late instead of 40, which is a much more acceptable degree of lateness.

Occasionally, I'm an hour more late when I left the house on time, there was no unusual traffic, I didn't stop anywhere, and I don't recall any delays between the house and the car. That's always a bit Mysteeeeeeeeeeerious.
Edited 2017-03-22 01:32 (UTC)

[personal profile] sithjawa 2017-03-22 08:29 am (UTC)(link)
Nine damnits.
One time I was late to a thing because I was rescuing a chicken that managed to get stuck between the coop and the fence that the coop is up against. Flatchicken. At least that time I knew why I was late!