azurelunatic: The (old) Tacoma Narrows Bridge, intact but twisted. (Tacoma)
2017-05-18 07:43 pm

Moving!

So as I alluded to in passing, I'm moving.

My departure from the Bay Area is May 31st.

The moving pod(s) will be with me from sometime May 26 through sometime May 31st.

I am driving to Tacoma with some of the stuff that's too delicate or otherwise unsuitable to be trusted to a pod. (Alcohol in the trunk. My computer. Stuff I'll need to survive for a week or so without things from the pod. The ancestral tea set from Dad's mom's side of the family, eventually destined for Ev. The box with the paper volumes of my journal.) The drive often takes two days; it's possible that I may accomplish it in one go, though I haven't yet driven it. (I did the Phoenix/SF drive in two days the first time, and one day on the two subsequent trips.)

The plan for Tacoma is:
* some sort of long-term pre-payable hotel for the first ~month, keeping in mind that I'll be off at Open Source Bridge for part of that, too
* two specific call centers to apply to
* look for a ~year lease
* look for a better job

Oh yes, and: see my partner and metamour on a regular basis.

This is earlier than I thought I'd be going, but it was suddenly time.

My world is boxes. Company would be welcome but is not necessary, and the number of sitting surfaces in here is drastically lower than usual.
azurelunatic: Upstretched hands bound at the wrist and chained. (wrists)
2017-05-07 08:58 pm

Mutual.

"Mine."
"Yours."

No matter who starts it, it goes both ways. Mutual possessiveness, mutually possessed.

There are the escape clauses that make it safe to curl this tightly together, and the rules that protect us from some of the more obviously terrible overly intimate impulses.

But mostly, there's just us.

"Yours."
"Mine."

Ours.
azurelunatic: Polyamory infinite hearts, in a polymer-like grid (polymer)
2017-05-05 12:27 pm

From April's trip

Couple milestone: be hit on, as a couple, in a dive bar in Fremont.

(My partner discerned that I was not up for any of that at this time, and politely brushed the guy off. The guy was later seen hitting on another couple that included a boobilicous brunette. It was very, very loud in there, and I was hitting sensory overload between the audio, the crowd, the lighting, and standing without a wall at my back.)
azurelunatic: The California coastline, looking south from Pacifica. (Pacifica)
2017-04-20 12:54 pm
Entry tags:

Safely home!

So I went to Tacoma for a week, to visit my primary partner. It was a very nice visit and everyone had fun!

I flew out Monday the 10th, marred by some lateness from the previous plane arriving, but I had a very lovely chat with my seatmate and gave her some info on self-taught programming for her teenage son who is very good with computers and might be interested in programming if he doesn't go the heart surgeon route. (He is whip-smart, autistic, and interested in planes. And computers. And being a heart surgeon.) Upon seeing my partner, I kissed them hello straight off and then we loaded everything into the car and headed for the next stop (taking time to update the local branch of the polycule on what was up).

My partner met my sister, yay!

There were cheesecake-related shenanigans.

I got to meet my partner's co-workers, and see them at work in one of the more rewarding aspects of their job -- plus some of the stuff that goes into making that happen.

I got to meet some long-time internet friends in person ([livejournal.com profile] tygerr & wife), see Ex Mrs. Shawn #1, see [personal profile] vlion and wife and kid. Stories were told. I got to meet [personal profile] rynia and their wife and another friend, plus my metamour, and the people whose couch my partner will be occupying for the next little bit. And I got to meet the people whose spare room my partner and their cat are currently in. Plus see a few bandmates. And a few of my sister's bandmates. And my metamour's mother and brothers. SO MANY PEOPLE.

Very good times were had by all. We listen to some of the same podcasts, and our philosophies of laundry are compatible. The food choices worked out. [personal profile] norabombay and I bat around some thoughts on alpha/beta/omega dynamics as they are seen in fanfic, and basically you'd need some hardcore preparation for an omega heat. You'd want frozen burritos or something that are super quick to fix, a room with a nice comfortable bed, and a fuckton of lube and such. Water bottles for bed. You know.

^_^

Despite some concerns, we did not get told that we were disturbing other guests. We may have been doing it wrong.

^_^

I left on Monday. I did most of my weeping and clinging on Sunday night. I'm adjusting to life back home, but with a part of my head that I didn't realize had been quite so on-edge now purring quietly to itself.

We'd sort of wanted an oasis of calm with just the two of us. Instead, we got the edge of a crisis, as my partner's hosts had been told that it was renovation time and they needed to find a new place. And my partner had various things at work on four of the weekdays. Plus I wanted to meet people while I was there, and show off my partner. So it wasn't just the two of us alone with no worries, it was commuting and work and locating moving boxes and all sorts of little things.

Our emotions and our physical interactions had been growing wildly out of step. It's one thing to spend comfortable time in each other's virtual presence, swearing at traffic or grumbling about an essay or something. It's another to actually touch each other. I had been a little worried: would I push them away in the middle of the night? Would I be able to fall asleep with their skin touching me? As it turned out, if I tiptoed out of bed in the middle of the night to pee, they'd wrap back around me when I came in, and when they got out of bed with their alarm on a workday, I'd grumble something sleepy at the loss of their touch.

When I was an impressionable teenager, I read some MSR portal fantasy with soulbonding, where some form of magic had bound Mulder and Scully tightly to each other; in the early bits of the fic, the space between them decreased, so they needed to be in physical contact at all times. (This was down to some malfunction, and the bond was fixed later on.) But in the beginning, as the bond strengthened, the physical distance decreased.

But that's ... kind of not where things go.

Given the opportunity, my partner and I will snuggle up into each other. We're both a little short on skin-to-skin contact, so I will likely as not have my hand grasping their shirt collar, fingers tucked against their neck. But it doesn't hurt to let go. It's not a problem of scarcity. If they let go, they will come back and hold me again. If I let go, I will come back and curl around them. There's a security. They are a fixed point. My anchor. My love.
Parted from me and never parted; never and always touching and touched.
azurelunatic: The California coastline, looking south from Pacifica. (Pacifica)
2017-03-19 03:01 pm

Sociable weekend

Friday: I woke up at a sensible hour, and did housework. Purple emailed me about the afternoon's beer bash, and I collected myself to go to that. I was running a little late, but made it at last, just before Purple arrived himself. I ran into a few people, and saw people from my old team sitting around the fire pit.

I collected with them there, and Purple soon joined me.

One of my old team had been going through some significant personal changes; she talked a little about that. I gave her reciprocal information, and my card with my real name, and the information to join the tech-slack. (Later, I would ping a former colleague who had done some pioneering work on that process in this workplace, and thank her, since it sounded like my old teammate had gone through a much better experience with the workplace bureaucracy than the former colleague had.)

She and Purple proceeded to talk synthesizer projects until she left to catch her train.

I will need to email my old manager about when to visit in the next few weeks.

The food offerings were surprisingly edible for the context. It was corned beef and cabbage sandwiches with slightly inexplicably rubbery rolls, some under-fried potato-and-cabbage fried things (tasty, but with the consistency of glue), various very green vegetables (cucumber, peas, broccoli, asparagus, and possibly more), cheese soup, and ... green hummus. No green beer, though.

It was a gorgeous evening, not quite too warm. We were joined by the Scruffy Canadian briefly. Someone who I thought might be the Cute Receptionist wandered by. Since I'd missed connecting with her the last time I thought I saw her, when she got close enough I called the name. In case it was her.

It was her. We caught up a bit. Purple teased me.

We hailed lb as he was headed out of the office with his deep dish pizza leftovers. There was a good chat, including some wtf-ery over a github thread that a new arrival in channel had shared (and participated in). There are some statements, such as "An SJW's work is never done", which have radically different meanings based on the context of the person who said it, and since we don't know them that well yet, we are uncertain whether this person is working for the greater good, or complaining about people working for the greater good.

There were dinner plans. I nearly accidentally left my phone in Purple's office until it tweeted.

Dinner was nice. We really should go to the Thai restaurant near the Trader Joe's more often, since it's delicious, close, and reasonably priced. Despite the bell peppers, prawns, and peanuts in nearly everything. (I am attempting to figure out whether peanuts take the surface of my mouth off the way walnuts do, because that would just be ... perfect.)

The Signal app has resolved some of its issues for voice calls, and my partner and I were able to talk nearly all the way home. It only cut out at the place that still gets me a lot on regular network calls, where 35 joins 280 by San Andreas Lake.

It's lovely to say a sleepy goodnight to my partner as we both settle into our beds, and go to sleep with the connection open, knowing that the other is there. I swapped my old Douchebag Headphone (the around-the-neck model with the earbuds) for one that purportedly connects to two devices automatically (it did not, but it wasn't a downgrade) and thus my partner got my old one. (It so happens that I'm the one who digs leading-edge tech, and they like to squeeze every last drop of usefulness out of old tech, so we are an excellent pair there.) They are enjoying it. I was delighted when I saw them in it, because the colors are accidentally representative of both of our favorites.


Saturday started out quietly, with various audio and video chat. One of the video chat things was marred by no helpful audio coming through from the other end; I should have reset when I noticed that it wasn't doing so well.

A friend just had some technically-minor surgery, and I had made plans to go over and say hello and congratulate this weekend. There was a little bit of plan-changing, but in the end I went over there in the afternoon and said hello and such. My aunt had stopped by with some fabric for me and some cashew butter for them. Due to the placement of the surgery, we kept ourselves to heartfelt arm-clasps and some back-patting.

When I got back down to the street, I discovered that a Very Large Pickup Truck had pulled up alongside me with its hazard lights on. Unfortunately, the driver was nowhere in sight, and I wasn't sure if I had enough room to pull out. (I was parallel parked, with a sedan nearly touching my bumper in the back, and a Prius a good distance in front of me, and less than a car length of space on the diagonal to get out.) I decided that I would make one try at it, and if I didn't have clearance that I was comfortable with, I would stop and wait for the driver to return.

It turned out that even though I think there was only one foot of clearance on each side, I was able to get out. (My partner cheered me on.)

I wound up picking up dinner on my way home. They did manage to get my order wrong, although in a different way to what I thought: I thought they'd gotten the wrong thing to the right receipt entry; they had in fact gotten the order entirely wrong from the receipt on down. The replacement was also subtly wrong, but I was not going to argue at that point. (My partner, who had been on the phone the entire time, heard my order and was able to verify that if it was a hallucination that I'd said that, it was a shared hallucination.)


The calendar sharing is going well so far.

There had been an incident. (My partner and I arranged a date; it hadn't gone in their calendar because they thought they'd remember it. Unfortunately, three people managed to step square in each other's complicated traumas, and it took a while to recover. With a lot of communication and crying.) After that, I shared my social calendar with my partner (not the full-on calendar with the specifics on the doctor appointments and such). I also shared the "shadow calendar" I'd made for them, the one that has their work schedule and all the stuff that they tell me about when we're planning our weeks. It's not yet time for us to share a single social calendar.

My partner has shared that calendar on with the friends they're staying with until the situation with the ex gets cleared up. They're not quite comfortable sharing it with others ... just yet. That may change, as the weeks go on.

Today, I'm setting up the week to come, and doing the various communication that goes with it. It's not sexy or glamorous, but it's the little bits of caring contact that helps sustain a relationship. I have to remember to translate the four to five calendar entries that make up one doctor-type appointment into a single block in the social time, ideally when entering it, but at minimum when setting up the week to come.

My attention deficit disorder was diagnosed in the fall of 2015. For a while, I'm not sure exactly how long, I've had to start with the actual time of the actual event I'm going to, and schedule backwards and forwards from that, in order to make sure I have a fair chance of getting there on time and in good order.

First I enter the event, with its actual duration.

Then I figure out where I'm going to be before the event, and figure out how long it takes me to get to that place from the place I am going to be before that. (It usually takes me an hour or so to get from home to any given place in the city of San Francisco; 45 minutes to get to old-work; an hour to get further down-peninsula; anywhere from 30 minutes to over an hour to get across the Bay.) I make a separate calendar entry for the transit time, with a little wiggle room.

I figure out where the next place I need to be is, and I do the same thing for that side.

I then give myself an hour's notice to start getting ready, even if I'm scheduled for something else at that time.

If it looks like it's close to my likely sleep time, I count back an hour further and allocate that as wake-up time. (If I haven't slept enough, I will use the wake-up time for an extra hour of sleep, and try to do any complicated prep the night before. Using a checklist, if possible. Sometimes this warrants an entry of its own.)

If it's early enough, I will count back eight hours from the wake time, and schedule that as sleep.
When it's a scheduled sleep time, I will have to schedule myself a bedtime reminder, which is an hour before sleep.

Sometimes, there's a chance that events will run long. In the case of my regular dentist, they've been known to run an hour late. So for them, I schedule in that buffer time. Just in case.

If it's a doctor appointment, the actual appointment goes in my bright red non-negotiable deadlines calendar, and all the ancillary things get in my main calendar. If it's not a doctor or similar, the main event goes directly in my personal calendar.

When it's something that's going to affect my social calendar, the fore and aft transit times and the event itself get globbed into one block of time that I'm unavailable for other events. Since my social calendar can be shared with people who don't need any personal details, unless it's a public(-ish) event, it gets described in vague terms. Dr. X at this address on this floor for this purpose gets vague-ed into "Doctor Appointment."

Stuff in my partner's shadow calendar get vague-ed up the same way. Why yes, my partner is going to X event at Y venue, there is a topic, and they're going with Z. That is "With Z at [vague description]." Or "Date with Z." Before my partner shared the calendar with their hosts, I scrubbed back through and edited a few items that I'd put on there, which had a little too much detail for general consumption. Even so, their hosts were clearly reading through past events, because I overheard Ms. Documentation read out the title of one (with some questions), and I promptly collapsed in giggles. Oh, dear.


There are two current crocheting projects, one of them started a while back. The older one is the penis-based sex ed hat, a sequel to the vagina-based one. So far I have urethra, bladder, glans, some ductwork, and I need to stuff the first testicle before I can close it up. (The testicle is blue, naturally.) I will probably put a drawstring or something on the scrotum so the testes can be examined easily.

The other one is a lace nightgown out of black #10 crochet-cotton thread. I'm putting #6 clear blue-green iris beads on it here and there. We'll see how long I take to finish that one. The beads are in a narrow prescription bottle that fits nicely inside the ball of thread.

I have been going back to paper to-do lists for daily use, and attempting to scan them into my image archives. I've started dating them so I have a better idea of how things went. It's been a fairly reasonable system for reminding me of what I need to get done, and I can move things forward in a helpful way. Sometimes I start pages ahead of time for stuff that needs to be done on a specific date.


After a week and a half of the new meds, I am encouraged at what they're doing with my sleep. That may wind up being a separate entry.
azurelunatic: panic button.  (panic)
2017-03-04 02:45 pm

The Great Escape (original title: "So, it's been ... a bit of a few days!")

Last we properly heard, my partner was preparing for a highly emotionally charged stealth departure to achieve a separation from their abusive ex. (The situation is complicated. Once you get to more than one of the following, you've got a problem: home ownership, bitter breakup, long-term relationship, state-specific laws on property division, laws on property division that vary based on the type of relationship, intimate partner abuse, and probably factors that I'm forgetting and/or don't care to mention.)

As we have possibly come to appreciate, getting out of abusive relationships is hard as fuck. I would like to point out here that I did not in fact "get myself out of" my relationship with Shawn. Shawn asked me for a sexual favor, rudely ) and then told me that he and his new girlfriend were monogamous now, and thereby broke up with me. #classy

Some of the steps. )

There was a document, the Book of Shitty Compromises. Read more... )

That, friends, is what we call a shitty compromise.

My partner was training themselves to notice when they were making a shitty compromise for the sake of homeland tranquility, or at least, non-esclation. They weren't necessarily challenging their ex on things, or doing what they would truly prefer to do, but they were keeping track of those times and things in the Book of Shitty Compromises.

Also in the Book of Shitty Compromises was a checklist, the checklist of things that would have to be done in order to achieve physical separation.

In my professional life, I am pretty confident in my ability to handle logistics for things like little two-day professional conferences for a hundred or so people. That's a lot of moving parts, and (due to past experience) I can't count on me actually being there for every step of the way to direct all the people who are going to need directing. This means checklists.

I am also not the person who is the last word on decisions for this stuff. That means coaxing preferences and event visions out of the people who are actually in charge of that. Sometimes this means coaxing logistical details out of people who are used to executing the event but aren't used to articulating what exactly is needed. Sometimes that means going "Okay, when you say X, what do you have to do to make X happen?" and then, "So when you say you 'just do Y', who do you talk to about that? When does that happen? How do they know where they have to be?"

I brought those skills to bear on my partner. Y'all, if you've never had someone grill you for ... quite a while ... on the details of what you'll actually need to do in order to leave an abusive ex? This is not easy. This is very, very, very not easy. We weren't sure if I was putting too much pressure, not enough, or on the wrong place. And I am so fucking proud of them.

They thought they wouldn't be ready in January. I saw the signs of increasing restiveness in them, and ... wanted to make sure that as much as could be done, was done. Just in case there had to be an unexpected leap.

Saturday the 7th of January, they realized that they'd been pushed too far, that they were still (so, so very) scared, but they were more scared at the prospect of spending another month subjected to the ex's whims and demands and escalation. (And the ex had started escalating again. Verbal abuse, and impossible demands for the terms of the breakup.)

Having started the process to gather muscle to help move and pizza funds (much appreciated, thank you all so much), we realized that one of the bottlenecks was that my partner would have to be in about five places at once if this was going to be conducted as a pinpoint operation and possibly in the presence of the ex.

One of the ex's skills is an attention to detail that includes noticing changes (stuff moved, stuff removed) in the household. My partner got enough grief from a few small changes that they knew pre-packing was a non-starter. So they were left with a few days of tense anticipation but with few actionable items. They also weren't sure how many boxes they'd need; I am the one with the advanced spatial logic skills in this relationship.

My partner was also not rescuing all of their stuff. If they were, it would have been more work, but simpler: pack it all up and go, sort it out later. This was somewhat more strategic: pack up the stuff in order of priority, starting with the stuff that my partner would need for a few weeks crashing with a friend, and going in descending order of priority (of stuff that was theirs and would be hard to replace, expensive to replace, and easy for the ex to mess with if the ex was being vengeful) until either packing materials or time ran out. This meant that my partner had to tell people who they possibly didn't know all that well what to pack, and I could see this getting in the way of everything. They'd have to be running about from room to room directing, when it might take the entire time to corner the Antisocial Cat and get her in the travel cage.

"Can you take pictures of the stuff you want to pack?" I asked. "That won't disturb anything, but maybe I can start estimating the volume or something."

That, they could do. So as part of my organization process in the estimation, I wound up preparing a visual packing list.

I will probably use similar methods to prepare a packing list for myself, when it's my turn to move, since it turned out so well. (My partner can perhaps, at some point, give details on how it worked on their end.)

Read more... )

We gathered support: people with vehicles, people to pack, pizza money. (And a little bit of tea-and-chocolate money that was a holiday gift from a friend of mine.) They confirmed that their friends not quite an hour's drive away were still available to host them. They confirmed maximum availability. I blocked their ex on Facebook before posting a call for help, and tagged people who I suspected wouldn't be able to help, but who might have friends who would be able to help. There were a few people, and one of them was able to help with the unloading.

They went to see the lawyers, and signed papers and paid money for the lawyers' help in getting the ex out of their house and returning their house to them. There was no turning back now. (They still had fears and reservations, and still thought that this might be too cruel to do to the ex. Despite everything the ex had done, and the ex's continual show of bad faith.)

I realized a few things.

My partner was about to do the most terrifying thing of their life.
My partner was about to do the most terrifying thing of their life, not knowing whether their ex was going to be present to interfere.
My partner was about to do something that terrified the snot out of them, and would be entirely absorbed in the process, and therefore unavailable to do anything except engage with the process.
I was too far away to help, and my presence would only burn money and exacarbate any problems with the ex.
I was not going to be okay in the slightest. (I would prove to be less okay than the night before my surgery.)
I was going to need someone to physically be with me, so I wouldn't be alone for this.
Purple had the plague, and couldn't do dinner.
[personal profile] quartzpebble had another engagement that night.
[personal profile] jd could be available after work. I arranged to pick him up from the Caltrain station, and thence to get pizza.

The day came. Tuesday, the 10th of January. The ex had been planning to run some errands. My partner wasn't sure whether the ex would complete the errands before move time. As of 4pm, the ex hadn't left for those errands. My partner wasn't sure whether the ex would have left for those errands by move time. The ex had also asked my partner to do a grocery run, and my partner wasn't sure if that would leave time to pick up one of the people helping move.

I gently suggested that since nothing on the grocery list was super ultra urgent, perhaps the ex could pick up their own god damn groceries the following day.

"Even now, despite everything planned for tonight, I am still in the mode of doing what they want."

Read more... )

And my partner and their cat were safely ensconced in the spare room of some friends, and everyone was safe.


The ex, of course, tried to call (the call was not answered), and texted.
Read more... )

And my partner's terror, slowly, began to ebb, with every day that their ex didn't show up to throw a lawn tantrum at work.

And we are okay.
azurelunatic: AO3 rating glyph: Explicit, Multi-relationships, choose not to warn, unfinished.  (how is this my life)
2017-02-24 06:05 am

Together. As we do with all things.

There are a few resonant phrases in this relationship. Some are endearments and other such private things.

There are two that occupy adjacent spaces.

"As long as we both want it."
That's our time commitment. If both of us no longer want the relationship, it's time to work on dismantling it with the same consideration and love we put into constructing it. If so many as one of us no longer wants it, it's time to end it.

And as long as we both do want it, that means putting in the work. Being present. Taking care. Tackling the problems that pop up.

And there will be problems. But we don't have to face them alone anymore.

"Together. As we do with all things."

Even when we still have to do a specific part alone, the principle stays with us. The hard things are a little less hard with someone holding your hand.
azurelunatic: A green-blue-and-purple gemstone heart, made of alexandrite (alexandrite)
2017-02-07 12:10 pm

Proving that love is real.

Love is real.

Everyone is worthy of love. (Without, I may add, an obligation for any one person to provide that love, nor should this be any excuse to not behave like an ethical sentient being. And no particular reason that any given person's love should look the way any other person would expect it to be.)

My partner and I have been proving to each other that love is real, repeatedly and continuously. Little messages of support. Reminders to put things in the calendar. Kisses. Skype calls that start just before bedtime and either disconnect quietly in the middle of the night, or are still running in the morning when Antisocial Cat begins to demand breakfast. Consideration and care. Not going too fast. Making checklists so that if we break up, we can break up safely, swiftly, and completely. Admitting when we can't even anymore, and sending the other in the direction of another friend for support. Poking each other when we've seen that another friend is having a bad day and could use a kind word. Decisions about lunch. Saying hello to the cat. Bad puns. Saucy selfies. Poetry. Determination. Resistance. Solidarity. Community.

Survival is resistance.

Thriving is resistance.

Art is resistance.

Love is resistance.

Love is real.
azurelunatic: blue and silver pompoms, with a textual representation of a person holding up pompoms to cheer. (cheer)
2017-01-10 10:17 pm
Entry tags:

Safe!

My partner and their delicate things have been safely extracted. The ex was not present for the extraction process.

Next is the fun part, I guess. For ... certain likely values of fun.
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
2017-01-10 05:31 am

Wednesday 1/4 and Thursday 1/5...

It seems that when my watch crashes in the middle of a sleep session, it does not preserve sleep data. Good to know. Unfortunately, Pebble-the-company is going away, leaving me with a likely-unsupported tech bauble. (One that's a great boon to my life, however...)

The Wednesday/Thursday night was not a great night for sleep, and then the watch crashed, leaving only one hour of sleep out of at least three logged. But I did get enough sleep.

Apparently shipping patterns are not quite back to normal after the holidays, because the new phone that won't keep fucking rebooting itself, the keyboard cover, and the heated CPAP hose, are all at least a day behind the estimated and/or promised delivery time. Alas.

I am in particular impatient about the phone. Though I know if I start doing something inconvenient and sticky, that'll probably be when the delivery arrives ... despite the package tracking not having indicated that it's left the shipment facility. *sigh*

Purple has located delivery pizza that he can eat! This resulted in leftovers, so he wasn't available for dinner out until Wednesday. We decided on pho. It was cold and raining, so I wanted something nice and warm.

It was a lovely time; he brought R along from work, and it's always good to see her. I had grabbed the shirt from her conference off the top of the laundry heap, mostly because I'd worn it recently and it went well with the skirt. (The skirt used to be black. It's since faded to a nice soft gray.)

R had been off communing with penguins and glaciers, and had a number of nice pictures to share.

After dinner, Purple and I went in search of dessert, and R turned into a pumpkin. Among other things, we discussed dreams, and how we're both inclined towards stress-dreams when things are rough, but rarely nightmares.

Naturally, I woke this morning from a legitimate nightmare. Nightmare. )

I've been discussing the logistics of some upcoming stuff with my partner. This has been emotionally difficult, and a bit brain-breaking (so many logistical details, and I'm not there to actually handle any of them; behold my control-freak nature) but we're getting stuff documented.

The replacement phone was due to arrive on Wednesday. It did not, in fact, arrive on Wednesday; somewhere in there I saw the arrival date had changed to Thursday. And then it did not arrive on Thursday. This made me cross, and worried.

I've been using the phrase "Call if you'd like" a lot with the partner. It doesn't necessarily take into account the complexities of their reality, in which they may want to call me but other factors make it unlikely, but it does extend a friendly invitation.

My partner spends a substantial chunk of time on the phone with their ex, for reasons that I find good and sufficient (and that get up my nose, because their ex is a piece of work). My partner has taken to responding to their ex's inquiries about whether they are available to be called with, "Call if you'd like."

The ex has taken a strong exception to this phrase. It implies, you see, that perhaps my partner does not want to be talking to them, and would only begrudgingly do so because the ex had forced the conversation on them. So the phrase makes the ex not want to call, because the ex doesn't like to feel ~unwelcomed~ or like they're ~pushy~ about these friendly social calls. So the ex badgers my partner to not use that phrase. Because that's what friendly exes do, to make sure that all their calls are welcome.

I got to have a nice chat with my partner, as they did in fact want to call me. Unfortunately, I saw the phone ring without either my watch or headset humming at me to let me know that there was a call. So I wound up putting the phone on my face like it was a handset.

I did eventually reboot the phone after we were done talking, and it started acknowledging bluetooth again. Sigh.

I called Darkside to catch up. He was playing Saints Row 3, which is excessively silly. We giggled over it. And I managed to drop a decorative metal basket (with sharp edges) on my hand when moving things around in it, so I shredded two fingernails and a bit of callus on one fingertip. Alas.

Darkside and I generally avoid talking politics. This time I mentioned being afraid. Read more... )

So that was fun.
azurelunatic: A castle with rockets and fire cannons with the DW D on it. (Castle Dreamwidth)
2017-01-09 03:40 pm
Entry tags:

Pizza for the moving crew?

Anyone remote who would like to help with the moving process, and can afford to send a few bucks for the pizza fund: I have discovered http://paypizzapal.com/ which looks like a reasonable way of getting small chunks of internet money transferred into appropriately large pies.

My paypal address is azurelunatic@gmail.com, if you feel so moved.
azurelunatic: panic button.  (panic)
2017-01-07 07:26 pm
Entry tags:

Tacoma peeps

So uh, this is short notice and a terribly inconvenient time and all ...

... who of my SEA-TAC-adjacent people are potentially available to join a moving partner-and-cat-and-electronics to safety party (with pizza), on Tuesday 1/10 or Wednesday 1/11? Anyone?

Details in PM or email; azurelunatic @ gmail as per the usual. (And if you know my partner's email address, you can contact them directly there.)
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (blue star)
2017-01-03 11:56 pm

Sleeping and waiting...

Having got the CPAP, I seem to have been sleeping more solidly. My watch tells me about a lot of nights of 8+ hours of sleep. Of course, I haven't decreased my amount of time in bed yet. My friends claim I may be making up for oceans of sleep dep...


I'm catching up on reading, still. I'm tidying. I'm contemplating. I'm keeping up with my exercise. I'm waiting to hear from various job prospects.


There are still health things I have to take care of, but I feel like the big ones are on their way towards resolution.


My partner has survived the winter break. Next step: talking to professionals about things. We had a nice long chat yesterday about stuff. Today's chat was much shorter, as they were working on other things.


Ev's winter break is not over yet. She got a library position, and has been assigned the tedious things. Thank fuck for normal problems. Tedious winter break job is a normal problem. [Various mother shenanigans] are not normal problems.


Yesterday was time to make me un-shaggy. I trimmed my bangs. Today was the re-blue-ing session.


I checked in with Purple about dinner. He has quite a bit of very good leftover pizza, so he was going to work on that rather than do dinner out tonight. An excellent reason to not go out! It's also windy and rainy. It's been enough of that to make it cold-ish inside, so I've had to wear socks from time to time. The horror!

My phone was supposed to arrive tomorrow (Wednesday). Unfortunately, it seems to be on track to arrive Thursday, instead...


Australia, and contemplations of arachnids in a different sense than the usual. )


I know that not all of the Dreamwidth documentation is up to date. At some point soonish, there may be a docs party. My friends who are perhaps wandering in may be positioned to help by virtue of their neophyte perspective: if there's something that the docs are inadequate in answering, this might be a good place for the docs crew to start working on filling in the gaps.
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
2017-01-01 11:34 pm
Entry tags:

Quiet day

I imagine that with enough exposure, I will learn the loops and angles of my partner's handwriting. The addressed envelope on my clean desk already seems less alien.

I cleaned, for new year's eve. I wanted to start the year with a clean desk and no dirty dishes. And it came to pass.

I got a solid start on my quilt. It's going to be haphazard, I know. But it'll be my kind of haphazard. I swapped out the old broken keyboard for the new one. Same model. I won't be able to keep using the same model forever, but I hope to get another four+ years out of the new one. By that point there may be something new and delightful on the market.

My watch isn't keeping proper track of my average step count. Ordinarily I'd expect some fluctuation as days pass, but it hasn't done that. So I'll have to look at the averages elsewhere. And it turns out that my average actually passed my goal, the goal that had been out of sight between the surgery and the depression. So now I've got a new goal.

At some point my feelings about LiveJournal became, approximately: "I love and trust my friends there, but they're not the ones making the decisions." And now I hear that it's possible that there's no-one working there that I know anymore. (Well. I knew one person in the Moscow office, and had heard the names of others, so I wouldn't want the Moscow office to be trampled by angry yaks.) And the servers no longer have California IP addresses, and (I hear) some pro-Ukraine blogs have turned up missing, after the move. And there are much weaker protections on user privacy over there.

So that's a thing that's happening.

I don't know what country has the best user protection laws these days. There's a new [site community profile] dw_news post up, on the recent events.

Cloudflare, DW's CDN, was hit particularly hard by the leap second. Earlier, there was a DW web server misbehaving. kab got Mark out of bed for that one.

There's now a need for Russian-speaking volunteer support. The old is new again.

I made the mistake of getting chewable vitamin C tablets, instead of the easily swallowed variety. While I'm swallowing them all the same, this means that their fake-orange taste leeches onto the tongue. This would be less of a problem, except my spironolactone is peppermint-flavored. I'm becoming accustomed to the orange-juice-and-toothpaste effect of taking my pills, now...

Part of the quiet effect of the day is less chatter with my partner. Uncharitable words about the ex. )
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (blue star)
2016-12-31 09:14 pm

2016 in review

So, what a year.

* (2015) Learned I was losing my beloved administrative assistant/Yelling as a Service job, due to Silly Valley contract shenanigans.
* Mourned this loss...
* ... until I learned that my entire second department was being downsized and offshored. Then I got mad.
* Read the riot act about same to the CEO, in front of a whole-company meeting.
* Worked to hang on to some of the important friendships I had made over the course of my four years.
* Helped run a conference!
* Learned that someone I knew in my youth had gone on to do something that they really oughtn't to have done, and dealt with that information the best way I knew how.
* Presented at Open Source Bridge.
* Got up the nerve to declare myself to the person I'd been low-key flirting with since the last Open Source Bridge.
* Was kissed by this person. (Kissed them back.)
* Didn't do anything super dumb.
* Started the sort of heavy-duty communication that a very intimate but complicated relationship is going to need, just in the off chance one developed.
* ... Ooops.
* Helping my friend (and, later, dearest primary partner) begin the long, painful, and difficult process of Dealing With All The Things.
* Hysterectomy. (Plus tubes, ovaries, and bonus lymph nodes.)
* Cancer.
* Made things actually official with my primary partner, much to the relief of everyone following the saga.
* Radiation.
* Recovery.
* Fuck my sleep schedule.
* Declared my feelings to someone else, also with a not-terrible outcome. :)
* Started making tentative plans for relocation.
* Fishmummed, and saw my baby girl for winter break! #nobodydied #homefortheholidays

This was not a quiet year for me.

Compared to this time last year, I'm cancer-free. I'm in a relationship that is like a substantial external battery of capability and cope, and we seem to be mutually supportive and both still a little codswalloped over our good luck.

A lot of things about 2016 have sucked, but getting my uterus out, getting together with my partner, getting my partner pointed in the direction of freedom, and starting a very interesting conversation with a certain former co-worker -- all of those were good.
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
2016-12-10 12:19 am

Dinner and silliness

Dinner was just Purple and me, since his friend had the plague. We went for burgers.


Among other things, we discussed the difference between a douchebag and a douchebucket (unused solution vs. used) and whether a group of geese was a notch below or above actual pandemonium (literally all the demons). I voted that geese were probably worse. "Demons won't usually try to grab you by the junk and kick you in the shins with their wings."

Purple argued that since demons had wings, they just might.


I explained the way my partner and I get some of our communication done. We were on silent video chat and they were making a gesture that was meant to be sexy. I corrected the form. We can have educational discussion even without words.


We discussed how to get rosewater infused butter to try on an English muffin, which led to more silliness in the parking lot.


My partner called on the way home. The ex is still terrible. Whee.
azurelunatic: We're about to set a weirdness baseline the likes of which the planet has never seen.  (weirdness baseline)
2016-12-07 09:38 pm

Not worthy?

Poll #17774 Proving a point to someone
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: Just the Poll Creator, participants: 35

On the worthiness of partners (this would be my primary partner, who I started seeing *formally and officially* in September)

They are worthy of dating Azz
14 (40.0%)

They are not worthy of dating Azz, sorry
0 (0.0%)

I don't know one or both of these parties well enough to answer this
19 (54.3%)

My response to this cannot be summed up in a radio button, and I should comment
2 (5.7%)

And furthermore!

They make Azz happy
27 (77.1%)

Azz makes them happy
11 (31.4%)

Their ex is a screaming toolbag
14 (40.0%)

I'm just glad nobody's in serious denial anymore
10 (28.6%)

I'm just glad nobody's cheating on anybody anymore
10 (28.6%)

What about Darkside, though?
0 (0.0%)

What about Purple, though?
2 (5.7%)

What about sithjawa, though?
0 (0.0%)

What about [attractive denizen of a certain continent], though?
1 (2.9%)

Let's hear it for polyamory
24 (68.6%)

At last, someone with a strong enough Weirdness Field to date Azz!
6 (17.1%)

At last, someone with a strong enough Weirdness Field to date this person!
3 (8.6%)

It's disconcerting the way Azz is around much less on the public internet
11 (31.4%)

Fuck cancer forever
33 (94.3%)

Nobody is allowed to marry anybody (until at least 2020)
3 (8.6%)

Why does Azz have to move to the Pacific Northwest, though?
4 (11.4%)

Teleporter!!!
22 (62.9%)

Tickybox
23 (65.7%)

azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
2016-12-06 02:02 am

Brains vs. friends

My brain has been acting up on me, and last night was not the greatest of nights. (I was, in fact, reminded of 1999.)

Then I went off to dinner with Purple, who gently observed that I seemed to be about half-speed, then held my hand while we complained about politics. He had a touching level of faith in the unwillingness of Indiana parents to not ask for their children to be tortured in the name of Getting Straight. And I provided some thoughts on the torture facilities euphemistically known as "wilderness survival camps" and their ilk.

And I got back home, and found that my sweetie's dating site profiles very cheerfully mention a primary partner. Me. I am touched beyond belief.

So a mixed bag, but getting better.

💙💙💙
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
2016-12-05 12:01 pm

My tweets

  • Sun, 23:18: RT @NitrateDiva: Traditional Twitter Blessing: May you never make a typo in a tweet that goes viral.
  • Mon, 00:42: Three months today officially with my sweetie. We're still completely insufferable.
  • Mon, 05:31: RT @NWSBayArea: Patchy fog currently being observed, mainly N Bay Valleys with visibility is as low as 1/4 mile. Allow extra time for morni…
  • Mon, 05:31: RT @NWSBayArea: Sunset in #SanFrancisco tomorrow (Dec 6) is at 4:51 pm, the earliest sunset of the year. Shortest day is Dec 21 (winter sol…
  • Mon, 09:32: https://t.co/EKoUOitOGw I feel that McDonald's & bagpipes are not a great mix, but I'm Alaskan so what do I know. (moose belong outside tho)
  • Mon, 09:43: Now Is the Time to Talk About What We Are Actually Talking About https://t.co/bJnS6wRNCi via @newyorker
  • Mon, 09:59: A small and happy thing: to curl up on the virtual floor of my morail, and discover that my matesprit is there too. <> <3 #homestuckrefs