azurelunatic: A pajama-clad small child uses a rainbow-striped cruciform parachute. From illustration of "Go the Fuck to Sleep". (go the fuck to sleep)
It was the traditional dinner with Purple tonight. This is the day when I was expecting to definitely see Purple after vacation, if there'd been no other opportunity. There turned out to be a beer bash, but at short enough notice to Purple that it was too late to invite me. So we did dinner; Ms. Antisocialest Butterfly is out this week. Despite getting lost (got off at the wrong exit), I got there a split second before Purple, and then scored a table while he was getting through the truckfuck in the parking lot.

We talked about many things. The main thing on my mind lately has been a kind of heavy topic, and Purple is always a delightful combination of helpful, thoughtful, calling me on any bullshit he notices, supportive, and irreverently hilarious. We also discussed: the amount of work and/or luck it takes to get a suitable counseling professional; the parameters of "bro"; the difference between one-off objectification of men and the commodified objectification of women; toxic masculinity; the angry and terrible divorces of about 4 different guys in R's working group; marriage-related name change and how "Lunatic" might be a perfectly okay driver's license name but not a resume name; role inflexibility in formal power exchange; Purple's applied-ferret-in-packing-peanuts approach to pissing off Domly McDom types trying to establish control over social groups; that time Purple made the guy with the obnoxiously big dick leave a chatroom by agreeing with him; there certainly must have been other topics also ...

Purple started chirping me about my general liking for burying my face into his shirt and hiding under his arm, and pointed out that really, he was only six foot so it was a little awkward... When I accused him of chirping me, I had to explain that it was a term of art from hockey and not related to chickens, so therefore in this context it was a really bad pun.


Occasionally Purple is the Good Example.

Case in point: I have not in fact been counting the number of times that Purple has said something that would have made me back slowly off from an acquaintance or non-friend. It's happened. The fact that I'm not able to count is a good thing. If I were counting, it would be a count-up to some sort of unknowable explosion or ending. Instead, each moment is a new beginning.

Read more... )

I have not been counting the number of times I have realized that Purple is (still) more trusted than oxygen, more precious than emeralds, and done this delicate dance. Each time we are successful in navigating the issue, balancing our perspectives, and helping each other see it more clearly, he implicitly affirms that I have made the correct decision in extending the hand of friendship. I never wish to risk losing him over a misunderstanding.

We keep fucking up with each other. We keep talking it out. Occasionally, very rarely, we emerge with a fragile shell of a shattered trust and a bit of a scuff mark, and we're quietly defensive until the friendship draws us back in again. More often, we emerge closer to each other, closer at understanding our wide and weird world a little better as well.

On balance, it's worth it.


By the end of the night, my glitter eyeshadow had migrated down my face and neck all the way to my tits. Purple was amused.

We weren't meaning to, because we were both tired, but Purple and I stood out talking together for quite a while. He is amused by the state my brain's been in. I told him at least part of the story which ends with me raising a sparklepeen inspired by Twilight in the air and shouting "FREEDOM!" and then clinking it with a glass of booze in a toast.

Purple probably won't make it to the Seanan party tomorrow, or the Charlie Stross event Sunday; he's got some reading to do for the HOA meeting on Tuesday. Therefore dinner will probably be Wednesday, if it happens.

Some of Purple's hair got stuck on my lip gloss when we hugged goodnight. Apparently I should not lick his hair in the current state it's in -- sadly there have been water disruptions to his place which prevented proper shampooing.

Speaking of lip gloss, I think some exploded in my jacket pocket. This is going to be fun... I had put my hand in my pocket for some reason, and then realized that things in there felt ... unaccountably sticky. I withdrew my hand and rubbed fingers against each other, then reached back in. Yup, sticky, all right. I pulled my hand out and examined my fingers, which glistened in the dim street lamps and under the moon.

"What is that?" Purple asked.
"I think it's lip gloss."

It didn't appear to be colored, so I eventually reckoned that it must have been the transparent one with all the little iridescent glitter in it. Yay, cosmetic emergencies...


Something really hard to put my finger on has shifted in the dynamic between Purple and me, since he came back from vacation, and I'm enjoying it. I'm more at ease in his presence, more willing to be vulnerable, and delighted to tell more crass jokes of the type that make us both bust up laughing. Though occasionally they result in me turning beet red and facepalming repeatedly.


I've definitely been doing more Tarot readings lately. I should probably brush up and start carrying my deck more regularly. (I will probably keep saying this every day that I participate in a reading without having my own deck near to hand.)
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
Feeling not quite as terrible but still under the weather. (poor thermoregulation, poor appetite, some pain)
Not allowed to attempt to pick up strange men at conferences.
Not socially acceptable to inquire about polyamory (see above).
I got into the Lem section at Powell's. Oops.
Still need to unpack car.
Still need to do laundry.
Moderators comparing notes and a strong bunch of them having the same problem with the same person is important.
Slack has pros and cons.
I pointed someone to Crystal Singer at the bookstore.
azurelunatic: Animated woman's gloved hand dripping with her own blood.  (bleeding)
I only spent 4.75 hours at work, on the grounds that my trainee was doing the paperwork today, and I was still a little out of it post-wisdom tooth extraction.

I came home to explosions all over the internets. "Something bad happened and a lot of people go / bad themselves, that's how awful it is." Nothing that I can summarize in a tidy little package, just I hate being caught in the middle between two friends, especially when it's also work-related. Just because I don't get paid as such for helping out on LJ doesn't mean I don't consider it work. I ♥ you both very much and I will do my best to stay between you if necessary if it will make everything go more smoothly. (If it won't, I'll dive out of the way, duck and cover, and hope the internet won't explode.)

Anime Night followed, the new and improved version. There was some debate about where/when, et cetera; we wound up at [livejournal.com profile] myrrhianna's with tasty frozen pizza, watching Princess Princess. The cats came out in full force, eventually. I got photos. Photos to be following sometime.

After I got it written up, I did get our regrets sent off to the former host of Anime Night. I'm the tactful one, so it didn't come out with a spiked cluebat. More on that later also.

Loonie tired, need sleep. Loonie need clean applesauce out of car, too, but Loonie need sleep more. Why is it that every time I feel like I'm going to be OK, I have days or portions of days that just require me to curl up and be petted? Also, I need to get laid. (Though that's probably unlikely given my insanely stringent standards.)
azurelunatic: Cordless phone showing a heart.  (phone)
11:07 AM 3/20/2007
Phrases running through my head:
"I don't think you meant any harm by it, which is why the police are not involved."


11:22 AM 3/20/2007
It's difficult to draft a letter of polite declining when you're a little upset and your friends are upset and there's a rather justified level of drama around the whole thing. I get to bring the "we're attempting to chill the fuck out but we're sure not going back" to the party.

It does calm me down to think of how to phrase something. I am a writer. It's what I do. More than that, I communicate. Since Mr. Thing didn't buy his tickets to the clue train while they were on sale, he'll have to get them at last-minute prices.

But. Ack.

11:34 AM 3/20/2007
*e-mails Darkside, calms down*


12:08 PM 3/20/2007
*cracks the fuck up over the sheer amount of dumb luck involved*

Uh-oh.

20/3/07 10:59
azurelunatic: Cordless phone showing a heart.  (phone)
9:25 AM 3/20/2007
At work at least vaguely on time. Spilled apple sauce and Dew Livewire all over the inside of the car. *cries*

Dear spreadsheet, why the fuck are you so slow? I have things to do with you. Like, things that are now and not sometime later today.

Dear Trainee, what time do you come in, in the mornings? Your voicemail says "gone home".


9:46 AM 3/20/2007
Still tasting blood. I have my serious pain meds with me, but have not taken any this morning. Last time, after the first little while, ibuprofen did it for me, and that's what I'm doing now. I don't like the brainfuckery that comes with more serious pain meds unless I'm a) in active pain, or b) actually feeling like recreational substances, and alcohol is more readily available, you can fine-tune the dose better, and I run less chance of addiction. (Lunatic doesn't feel like that kind of recreational substance; caffeine is far better for getting me fucking high, with less chance of brain and liver damage and more chance of psychosis!)


10:52 AM 3/20/2007
Ohdear. Someone seems to not put the same amount of WTF-ery on the events of last week and is saying it's still on. That was an e-mail I was sort of expecting, and ... ooo. I was too busy doing homework (ok, volunteer work that I can't wriggle out of) to draft up a thing. Soo. Um.

Yeah.
azurelunatic: (Queer as a) $3 bill in pink/purple/blue rainbow.  (queer as a three dollar bill)
Since no good visit from [livejournal.com profile] gameboyguy13 is complete without a Support gathering, he and [livejournal.com profile] legomymalfoy and I met up for dinner at the Macaroni Grill in Mesa. Turns out her stomping grounds nearly intersects with the stomping grounds of one Blonder Half. Who knew?

There was much gossip. The Tale of the AK-47 Guy has been going around. It's one of those things that's immensely surreal and a little too weird to actually make up, though gods know I wish it had been fictional. I posted about it, both filtered and public, after it happened on Tuesday night. The incident itself is very disturbing, but one thing stood out in the collective brain of the four of us who were not him that night: he was upset at the possible man-cooties, so he jumped in the closet. ...you just can't improve on shit like that.

Legojen said that this really needed an image macro.



Dinner with LJ people usually involves a lot of shop talk. This was no exception. We stayed there fairly late; the place cleared out around us. We're going to have to do this again.

Not sure what the plans for Saturday-day are; Saturday evening may be dinner, and Saturday night should involve RHPS and lots of insanity. Therefore, I'll be getting sleep Real Soon Now.

The chiller is activated! I will no longer have to sleep with ice-packs in order to attain sleep! This should help me actually get sleep instead of not getting it. zomg cool for the win.
azurelunatic: Cordless phone showing a heart.  (phone)
10:39 AM 3/14/2007
Am seriously considering making a little phone call, after consultation with the rest of the parties involved. I'd rather that involved factors such as the relative location of 21st birthdays *not* come up, but of the people who would be in trouble for that, ecchi-chan, Myrrh, and I would probably be the least so. And in any case, glomps are par for the course.

It's v. bad precedent to let something like this pass.


11:34 AM 3/14/2007
It makes a great story, though. There's something about that element of surprise that makes it a wonderful slapstick moment.


11:39 AM 3/14/2007
For the record, JD didn't realize that the guy was quite that ... um. During the course of the night, the topic did not *quite* come up, and I tried mouthing the word "HO-MO-PHO-BIC", but JD does not read lips well at all. I settled for whispering "straight and uptight about it," which I thought should have been sufficient for most practical purposes. It wasn't a "let's bother the straight boy" glomp, it was a "YAY YOU ARE MY FRIEND!" glomp, which gets given to guys and girls alike.


12:02 PM 3/14/2007
It's that element of complete lack of reality that makes this whole affair so surreal. Ecchi-chan, I think the third shoe just dropped. Strike that. The third shoe just dropped.


12:24 PM 3/14/2007
So before this whole thing unwound so strangely, there were plans to *gulp* de-virginize me. Science fiction double feature, anyone? ;) I was air-drawing a V on my forehead; I know enough about the production that I know that part. Oh, and JD got a fondue pot. Saturday night/Sunday morning. We shall be resting up Saturday, and getting everything packed, then going Out Saturday night for the show, coming back rather giddy and loud to pick up [livejournal.com profile] hcolleen for work, and dropping her and JD off at the airport.

JD would have previously packed his bags. Depending on the timing, he'd be able to get a shower before heading off to the airport.
azurelunatic: Cordless phone showing a heart.  (phone)
10:12 AM 3/14/2007
Still a little bit on edge. Work had a total systems crash last night for the server that has got the interviewing stuff on it. File server = fine. CATI server = not fine.

Happy pi day, at least.

I'm thinking of getting out early if possible. I could use a few hours of downtime on this, despite coming in an hour later than I'm technically supposed to.

Since I don't log in at work, I won't be replying to anything that may be locked and gathering comments, but I do have access to my e-mail at work (within reason) so I will be *reading* comments. Under a lock is the best place for discussion about all related topics, plz. (The HTML comments now allow you to not-log-in and reply, but I get the old-school comment notifications.)
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
I'm really not sure how to describe anime night. It started off as a riotously fun party situation, and then the booze came out and it got even more entertaining. Fun was had by all, more beautifully cracktastic business plans came out, there was anime (King of Bandits Jing in 7th Heaven, all three episodes), pizza, and musicgeeking.

At the end of the night, as we were de-convening with much hilarity, JD glomped English. Standard JD bouncy hug, complete with not entirely sober.

English grabbed his AK-47, dove into the closet, and ordered us out. Out we went.

I'm still processing, and I'm not entirely sure what to think of this. It's at least mildly disturbing.
azurelunatic: Hinky: adj: pure evil fuckery afoot. Syn.: suspicious (hinky)
Further plans for Animé Night:

Invite more people, to get it going with a critical mass.
Get together the proper ingredients for real Japanese cooking. (I'll bring my rolling mat next time.)

Tonight, tried to find Death Note but [livejournal.com profile] hcolleen was asleep. English has still not yet located his server. When it became apparent that this weekend with Darkside there would be no hanging out, I put the jewel case with 5-8 and the movie on [livejournal.com profile] hcolleen's desk, so it would be there for Animé Night. When I got home, however, I had an unconscious roommate in her lofty bed. So I poked around, and totally failed to find it! Foiled again!


I was yawning at length and elaborately, wandering in the general direction of the bathroom. Suddenly, my yawn was caught up short by a pained *squeak!!*. [livejournal.com profile] hcolleen made an inquisitive, concerned noise in my direction. "Door!" I said, and giggled. (I smacked into the door with my shoulder, which was ow, but OMG I am such a dork.)
azurelunatic: (Queer as a) $3 bill in pink/purple/blue rainbow.  (queer as a three dollar bill)
So Loveless is an animé with ... issues. Some of the issues that are being experienced by the characters include: same-sex relationships, not-quite-platonic-but-nothing-beyond-hugging-and-kissing (so far; I have no idea how far the show goes) relationships between a very much older teen and a very much younger teen (I think it's 12 and 18/19-ish), visible virginity, BDSM, grief, really bad reactions to grief, physical abuse of children as one of same, bullying, Nobody Tells Me Anything (specifically, withholding rather vital information needed to make informed decisions about stuff from a teen), unrequited love, and possibly even budding multiple personalities.

English was mentioning stuff about Japan's society being decadent and All Sorts of Things were out in the open out there, and he used the key word that made my ears cringe a little: "Queers."
Twice wasn't a coincidence.
"Hey, some tact around the bisexual," I said, grinning, indicating myself with a thumb.

English did what Leftover Leftovers Guy didn't, and took the hint, and was more generally sensitive and we agreed that yeah, it did seem that in Japan, stuff that is in subcultures out of the mainstream in the US is very readily media-available and far more accepted, almost embraced in some ways. And. Tentacles.

I don't think that Loveless deals with tentacles.

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