azurelunatic: AO3 rating glyph: Explicit, Multi-relationships, choose not to warn, unfinished.  (how is this my life)
Today I learned that you can only fit about 4 relatively large latex helium balloons in one of those zip-up blue tarp duffel bags from IKEA. The cluster of balloons associated with a certain glad-you're-back cheerful bunch of flowers destined for the desk of a certain Overlady contained 5 balloons.

Now picture the Reverend Lunatic, wearing black from top to toe with the exception of a blue-tipped braid and a navy-blue cane, a classic sufferer of Bitchy Resting Face, carrying a very large blue IKEA zipper bag as if it weighed approximately nothing, with a single cheerful balloon rising from a ribbon coming out the middle where the two ends of the zipper meet.

I'd like you to picture that very hard, because it's likely that no such thing will ever happen again.

(Well, until the next time I need to transport balloons and the trunk is full.)



[00:48] [personal profile] azurelunatic: Today Outlook began giving me shitfits
[00:49] [personal profile] azurelunatic: it decided that email from my junior researcher and manager was spam, and that I didn't need to view headers
[00:49] [unnamed work friend]: yow
[00:49] [unnamed work friend]: I thought our spam filter was separate from [the previous thing]/exchange
[00:49] [personal profile] azurelunatic: it is!
[00:50] [personal profile] azurelunatic: But that didn't stop plucky little outlook from deciding to apply its own
[00:50] [personal profile] azurelunatic: which was set on default of "no, really, this shouldn't catch any actual mail"
[00:50] [personal profile] azurelunatic: WELP
[00:51] [personal profile] azurelunatic: I complained to poor [Purple] about this.
[00:51] [personal profile] azurelunatic: His commentary was along the lines of "You missed a 'fucking' there, before 'default'."
[00:52] [personal profile] azurelunatic: (the paragraph already contained "fucking" about six times, so I could be forgiven for not typing it again)


Later, Purple made a cognitive leap [editor's note: apparently the concept of "cognitive leap" tied to Jack-in-the-Crack ranch sauce is a deja-vu anchor point for me] from the mention of a fairly arbitrary number in the 70s to trombones. "But there were 76 trombones," I said. "Where did the [difference] end up?"

"In the closet?" he guessed. "With a flute?"

I began facepalming steadily. Scotty, late of Much Ado About Star Trek, plays the trombone. If he were to be caught in the closet with anybody...

I indicated that it was possible that more than one character from my 1994 novel, the one that started when my friend "Bugs" (the one who had drummed on my head) tried to set up the cute little nerd girl with the cute little nerd boy because they both liked Star Trek, might be invading my ~2004 novel, and that in the original, Scotty had had a certain problem with gayness, particularly the idea that his BFF Jeff might be gay for him. His BFF Jeff who might well have played the flute. "HOW MANY CHARACTERS FROM THIS THING ARE GOING TO START INVADING?!?!" I asked.

"So you'd say they're getting the band back together?" Purple said. "Just think of the repercussions," he threw in as an afterthought.

My mouth opened. My mouth closed. My mouth went sideways. No words came out.

Apparently that was the most bizarre expression he'd seen on me to date. "What did I say? 'Getting the band back together'? What? You've poked me so many times that if this were on Facebook I'd have been hit with a sheep by now."

"Repercussions," I finally managed.

He hadn't even realized it.

Honorable sentients: my friend Purple.
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
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azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
  • Thu, 14:42: Uncle Davy wanted to carve "For a good time, call" in my dad's outhouse. I suggested the UAF atomic clock number.
  • Thu, 18:25: FUCK ON A TRUCK CAR WON'T START BUS TIME
  • Thu, 18:27: Transit estimate puts me home after 10 with 1 bus to spare
  • Thu, 18:30: Anybody who feels like researching palo alto mechanics feel free
  • Thu, 18:35: Possibly battery, no time to summon security.
  • Thu, 18:36: Security can do jump starts.
  • Thu, 19:45: RT @courtneytrouble: Get Fisting Day T Shirts, Stickers, and Greeting Cards! http://t.co/MgC0aHRkMh designed by NOMY LAMM you guys!!!
  • Thu, 21:15: Alas waiting again for bus.
  • Thu, 23:23: Safely home. Tired. Fantastically cranky in potentia.
  • Fri, 00:17: Invisible corn. Carlos knee-deep in invisible polenta, wearing his second-best "what even is my life" face; Cecil narrates. @infamousfiddler
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azurelunatic: Azz and best friend grabbing each other's noses.  (best friends forever)
"Sometimes I think I've lost my marbles."
"Didn't you used to keep a marble in the pocket of your suit jacket?"
"Yeah, but I can't find it anymore. I've lost my marbles."
[Something involving a b/v blur occurs.]
"Well, at least it's not DC."
"I dunno, living in DC would be ... Super, man."
"You'd have to be bats. No, wait, that's Gotham."
[something something Robin something]
"That was a ... Dick move."
"Sometimes I ... wonder, woman."

BEST.
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azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
So in the shower I had an amazing idea for a social media service where people could not only share their favorite examples of clever wordplay, but there would be a smart engine that would try and detect similarities both the obvious way (if it's over a certain percentage the same, is it essentially the same one?) and perhaps by theme, if the submitters or others in their trust network tag them.

It would be called ...
wait for it )
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azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
What is it called when a bunch of monkeys drum out complex mathematical and musical rhythms by whacking lengths of fallen tree trunks on asphalt?

Read more... )
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azurelunatic: "#dw (yes, we can)" and a clenched fist (#dw)
So there I was, sitting with my dinner of ramen and spiced vinegar cucumber salad, when this big rooster decided to join me. Nice large fellow, a lovely Blue Laced Red Wyandotte that they said was named Spiderman. And he hops up next to me, regards my dinner, and before I can really do anything, reaches into the salad bowl and grabs a slice or two of cucumber!

Yes, Peter Parker pecked his pick of peppered pickles.


*duck*



(Hat tip to [personal profile] exor674 for pointing out my original joke was missing the Peter bit. I really did have the ramen, and I'm finishing my second serving of delicious, delicious peppered pickles.)



Japanese-inspired cucumber salad, or, Azz cooks to taste without a recipe again:

Cucumber(s)
Salt (I used smoked salt)
Sugar (I used raw sugar)
Vinegar (I used rice vinegar with a splash of balsamic)
black pepper
black sesame seed and salt (possibly found next to the seaweed sheets)
Grater & slicer

Rinse cucumber. You don't know where it's been.

Run the cucumber lengthwise over the grater so the rind comes off in strings. You can leave some on if you want. Keep the strings, as they're an excellent garnish.

Slice cucumber thin enough to be transparent. This is why you want the slicer. Removing the rind makes it less likely to jam. Don't slice your fingers.

Cover in salt and sugar, add vinegar. Let sit a bit.

Add a scant grind of pepper and the sesame seed. Fish out some of the rind strips and a few slices of cucumber to make the ramen look pretty.

Eat.
azurelunatic: Upstretched hands bound at the wrist and chained. (wrists)
(Other bits have been redacted out of this snippet of IRC; I was sharing with #yuletide.) 

[21:39] <Azz> so there I was innocently minding my own business, and my bff sends me a picture of some of the characters from one of his games.
[21:39] <Azz> it's a 3D rendered picture, and he tells me to expand it. I do.
[21:39] <Azz> "Suddenly, leather!" I say. Because it is a huge picture and I have just jumped into the very good rendering of the dude's shiny leather coat.
[21:40] <Azz> "That just sounds wrong," he says. (I concur.)
[21:40] <Azz> More conversation elapses. We are making our farewells.
[21:40] <Azz> "So I'm going to let you ... leather the storm," he says.
[21:40] <Azz> THAT, MY GOOD PEOPLE, IS WHAT YOU CALL A PUN.
azurelunatic: DW: my eloquence cannot be captured in 140 chars (twitter)
In the last 24 hours, I posted the following to Twitter:


Follow me on Twitter.
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azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
So have you heard [the one] about the California initiative to inspire boys to investigate certain professions? The gimmick is that there are these superheroes, and they all have a special power they can use on the bad guys.

For example, Librarian Dude throws the book at them. Lumberjack Dude has a chainsaw. [Continue in this vein.]

And then... [disgusted face, holding nose, waving away a stench] ... there's Mill Dude.
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azurelunatic: Log book entry from Adm. Hopper's command: "Relay #70 Panel F (moth) in relay. First actual case of bug being found" (bug)
New:
From The Office of Admiral Desplains -- contains a brief quote from Captain Vorpatril's Alliance, which is the introduction of a running joke. Also contains snakes.

Old:
McSweeney's: FAQ: THE “SNAKE FIGHT” PORTION OF YOUR THESIS DEFENSE.

Badgers.

synecdochic's "Broken Wings" SG1 AU: "a howling in the factory yard" ... beware of fucking snakes.


Unrelated:
Someone please remind me that I should probably not file a ticket with site services entitled: "Bug report: running too fast", because while site services are legitimately the people to go to, and it is a legitimate bug report, and the description encompasses the problem pretty well, it is also not a literal bug report, as I know my hemiptera pretty well on sight, and this was an entirely different order of problem.
azurelunatic: "enjoy Cock-Cola" (Cock-Cola)
(The following pun is both bad and insensitive.)

So there was a problem going around among Firefly fanboys a few months ago after high school and college let out. They've been staring at River Tam, taking themselves to their bunks, then reporting their peripheral vision starting to go before becoming unresponsive.

So what's it been called, then? )
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azurelunatic: Cordless phone showing a heart.  (phone)
It took a while, but I made a sensible decision regarding the reception issue in my apartment. For those not familiar, I have approximately a spherical foot (more or less, often less) of reliable reception in my apartment. This has resulted in me adopting a peculiar elbow-on-desk pose to hold my phone in the right place without moving, which is really an unwise choice for conversations that can easily take an hour.

My brain finally caught up with the rest of me, and then it was only a matter of finding something of the appropriate height, and figuring out where my headset was.

Azz in profile, cellphone perched on upended vase

Closer view of phone, its rainbow dangly, and the cable spaghetti.

Upon examining the bottom of what has been known as "the fish" since [livejournal.com profile] sorcha007 first produced it as a vessel in which to hold laundry quarters, I realized that I had in fact been classifying it incorrectly since Day 1. "The fish" is not, in fact, a vase. It is a (plastic, American) yard. This does much to explain why it is so extremely fucking ugly. (I've grown attached to it, for whatever reason. I'm unsure why.)

I did manage to call my best friend on Sunday, immediately after I accomplished my feat of telephonery. He was, however, watching a movie with his parents; he called back somewhat later, and we had a cheerful chat.

Guide Dog Aunt has successfully quit her job with the puppy daycare, and is now launching out into business on her own. Her first official client is an agoraphobic Dalmatian. This made it into the conversation, and we came up with several bad phobias for particular breeds of dog to have. (Warning, these are not even bad puns; they're just very lame.)

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azurelunatic: a bunch of grapes on the vine (grapevine)
22:32 Azz it is basically a sausage wrapped in bacon.
22:32 chasethestars that doesn't sound like a heart attack-y slice
22:32 Azz a, um, big sausage.
22:32 JD that's what he said
22:32 Azz and the 2nd one was maybe 1/4 inch
22:32 chasethestars that's what..
22:32 ivorygates i recognize you by your grapes
22:33 chasethestars also what she said
22:33 JD <__<
22:33 Azz hee, I think a bunch of people do
22:33 JD she does have a grape default userpic, huh
22:33 teshiron heh
22:33 Azz I'm just vine with it, but sometimes I use situational ones.
22:34 Azz the keyword for that xkcd one is "bad idea"
22:34 JD don't you use that default for juicy situations?
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azurelunatic: Animated purple vibrator on blue background.  (Divine Oscillations)
This is, um, especially for someone who knows full well who he is.

NSFW logo. )
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
In the last 24 hours, I posted the following to Twitter:
  • Sunday, 0732: I think I was coming down with the creeping crud before the convention.
  • Sunday, 0736: @teshiron Unlike lotion, it's generally approved for putting near the mouth. Scraped off & applied, not stuck the lip balm stick IN nose.
  • Sunday, 0738: @Celtic_Maenad There is this long-running joke in IRC (only a month or two so far though) about @mayerman's pillow that tastes of BBQ.
  • Sunday, 0749: Yep, got Womanizer in the head. Again.
  • Sunday, 1350: @sophira <^>rahmbamarama was flipping out with squee over the #obama party, but that's a members-only comm so it wouldn't show public
  • read the other 18 )


Follow me on Twitter.
azurelunatic: Pretty sparkly polyhedral dice.  (dice)
The crazy nickchanges were due to craziness in a channel that was not #dw. This caused ... some annoyance.

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Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺

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