azurelunatic: part of a triangle filled with alternately black and red hearts, increasingly smaller in a sierpinski triangle pattern (matesprit)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 ([personal profile] azurelunatic) wrote2016-10-07 06:34 pm

Practical principles of polyamory, with the Gentle Caller.

To whom it may concern:

Yes, my Gentle Callersecurity: filtered is in a polyamorous/open relationship with me, started 5 September 2016. I am theirs and they are mine, as long as we both wish it. We are expected to see to our own safety first, before taking care of each other.

I am an autonomous adult who can make my own decisions about what to do with my body, time, and attention, including shared orgasms and other sexual contact and kissing. My Gentle Caller is likewise an autonomous adult. Sexual and romantic exclusivity has never been a part of this relationship.

I expect that any partner of my Gentle Caller's will treat them with an appropriate amount of respect, courtesy, and kindness. My Gentle Caller expects this of any partner of mine. We expect the use of barrier methods, with other partners and with each other. We expect that other partners will respect our existing relationship, especially because starting something with someone who expects sexual and romantic exclusivity tends to have the effect of a breakup with other existing partners...

As part of our relationship, I expect to be informed of new sexual partners in a timely fashion, ideally before hookup. (Texting before jumping into bed is entirely fine for this.) I expect to be informed when a friendship is heading in a romantic or kissy direction, to avoid surprises. I expect to provide reciprocal information to my Gentle Caller. We have agreed to give each other a heads-up if anything weird is likely to make an appearance in the daily life of the other as a result of something we have done. Like, if I summoned something with tentacles as the result of some sex magic, and it starts going after everyone I've been intimate with, this is relevant information that my Gentle Caller should know.

There is no need for me to have direct communication with another partner of my Gentle Caller's, unless everyone involved would like an introduction to be made, or there is a health-and-safety reason for it. (Health-and-safety beats all else.) While my Gentle Caller has permission to initiate phone calls at their discretion, waking me up with the phone for the purpose of confirming something that should have been able to be communicated in some asynchronous text format is a general bad plan.

We are all separate people, and we will form separate relationships between us, even if we tend to all be proximate in the same general spacetime. As my Gentle Caller and I have privacy between ourselves, I expect that my Gentle Caller and any other partner will have their own private communications and information, and a relationship that has nothing to do with me.

My Gentle Caller's time is their own, to allocate as they see fit. They do not owe me any explanation of how they spend it, other than reasonable notice of scheduling issues, and letting me know if they need to cancel any of our previously made plans. I do want a nice chunk of time with a reasonable amount of attention, but details are (as always) negotiable.

Please, dear potential metamour, treat my Gentle Caller well. I generally like their choice in friends, so I have confidence that you, too, are a really nifty person!

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