ERRANDS FOR THE ERRAND MONARCH (ants, motorized carts, anus burger!)

2022-11-10T08:10:45Z

So the new THING WE'RE ALL DEALING WITH is ants. They started showing up in a specific portion of the living room. Steph knows how to make accurate and scientific war on ants. (My anti-ant skills are rusty and mostly consist of diatomaceous earth, swearing, and plastic zipper bags. Also occasionally hammers.) Steph sprinkled some of the diatomaceous earth left over from when I was dealing with the little fuckers at Virtual Hammer, and sprayed some poison outside. We were hopeful.

But alas.

"WHERE ARE YOU FINDING ALL THESE ANTS?!" Steph wondered, calmly, and barged upstairs with some blue tape and fury.

There were ants under the blankets that we'd shifted onto the floor while vacuuming the couch. There were ants exploring Belovedest's bottle of orange soda. There were ants who had discovered that when someone knocks over a sugary beverage and some of it splashes onto a drawer, there's a tasty treat! I'm not sure whether the basket of unloved Halloween candy that had been outside had any, but it could have had.

Steph came back with the diatomaceous earth and the vacuum cleaner. I was sent off for some Borax. (Self-sent? I figured it was close to closing time, threw on some clothing, and zoomed out the door without remembering to bring water with me.)

Costco had no Borax or ant traps, but it did have frozen burgers (Angus!) and I figured it was probably time for me to renew my cache of discounted gift cards. I figured I would also slay a pizza and bring it home, and might as well also get some frozen coffee. (I hadn't realized that I'd forgotten my water yet.) That took a while. I decided that Safeway was next. By the time the pizza was ready, I'd decided Home Depot was actually a better bet.

[brief interlude of texting Judo Lad, who's doin' a concern about not being under- or oversolicitous when Fishie's having a bad judo day.]

So I see that the nearer of the two motorized carts at HD looks full, I unplug it, I stow the plug in the compartment, and zoom off down the cleaning aisle. By the time I'm halfway down, the speed has dropped to a crawl although the battery light's still green. And then it just fails to move forward at all. I try reverse. It reverses. I paddle with my feet to make it go faster. I discover that the tone and speed of the beeping alters a bit with my pushing, making the sound faster and wobbly. I try going forward again. It pathetically fails to go forward, the green light flickering, dimming, and dying. Repeat for a while. I eventually get out of the cleaning aisle and halfway turned around. I've washed up against a Seasonal Fall Shit display and my backward progress is impeded. Forward still isn't working.

I holler and wave down an employee from the service desk; a spotty young fella comes jogging over. I explain the problem with the cart. And how probably the best thing we can do is take it out of gear and shove. And does he know how to take it out of gear. (No.)

"How heavy is that display?" he asks. The one that I'm nearly backed into.

Picture, if you will, a Spotty Yoof in an orange apron that's probably the exact color opposite of my teal dress, shoving the motorized shopping cart backwards at high speed, beeping wildly, through the cinnamon-scented seasonal display, while I am still seated on the cart.

The other cart functioned, after the Yoof unplugged it and leaned his hand on the seat after I told him that it's got a safety switch that tries to make sure there's a butt in the seat before it moves.

I got through the store. They did have borax-based premade traps. I got the indoor sort and the outdoor sort, even though Steph didn't see ant activity outside. I got a few other things while I was there.

Then I came home, unloaded the car onto the porch, came inside, and began pathetically calling until Belovedest popped out of the bedroom. (I believe I was saying "Pizza?" but my memory could be mistaken.) Belovedest hauled the last few things in. I offered them some "help" in the form of "anus burgers?" because I could totally shove some. They helped. I shoved the burgers in the freezer.

Steph and Belovedest deployed indoor traps while I loaded the dishwasher, then everyone washed their hands and I shared out pizza. It was half and half pepperoni and cheese, which is why it took so long. Belovedest grabbed a piece of meat that fell off mine, but had already fed themselves.

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Telepathy is bacon-wrapped tofu.

2015-08-20T09:26:50Z

There's a love meme on, one of the self-nomination kinds that evades the third-person pronounery that I usually find so fraught in the nominate-others sorts. My thread: http://radioaches.dreamwidth.org/81108.html?thread=1190356#cmt1190356

Over last week the ant profusion at work was on the decline. I was cheered. I was still squishing them at a rate of about 4 per hour, but that was much better than previous.

Sadly, Polka-Dot Researcher has left the company; I'll miss her. She's been very sick for a while; she came back briefly with visible pain patches on her injured shoulder and then went back out again. I'm sure there's a story but I don't know much of it.

( Rather a lot more of other things! )

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azurelunatic @ 2015-08-10T23:30:00

2015-08-11T07:40:52Z

So the ants have decided to swarm into my building at work. That was what started the whole mess. From there, they discovered my coffee syrups. I am one of the team's suppliers of sugars, so needless to say I was alarmed at the whole thing. I set about combat in the way of my people: putting everything sugary into ziploc even if it was already in a sealed bag, and squishing the hell out of the ants that I did find.

( Read more... )

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The Lunatic is in my Head

ERRANDS FOR THE ERRAND MONARCH (ants, motorized carts, anus burger!)

Telepathy is bacon-wrapped tofu.

azurelunatic @ 2015-08-10T23:30:00