Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-the-constantly-babbling-coworker-the-fed-who-insists-everythings-fine-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34783

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. My coworker’s constant babbling is drowning me in info, and my boss won’t help

So as it happened, by the time the post went up I’d left the job and the region. But not long after I sent in the letter, I sat down and laid this out to my boss pretty much exactly as I wrote in. He wasn’t blind so while he wasn’t exactly thrilled, he did get it. I was a receptionist/admin in a small public office with regular customer service and sales tasks in addition to EA and admin work, my desk was the entryway hub, and it was a notoriously “interrupty” environment. I had no real problem with any of that — it was just the coworker I wrote about. She used us all like free dating coaches, therapists, and dumping grounds for everything in her head from House Key Movement Monologues up to and including graphic sex and undiluted trauma in the aftermath of a horrible gruesome local accident. I was the only one tied to a central desk and providing the anchor work keeping the office open to the public so I just bore the brunt.

In the talk, my boss told me that both his predecessor and he had the option of installing a door in the wall between his desks and the coworker’s desk area and that having that door installed and left open was likely what was needed to start keeping them on task and start him providing the constant ongoing “knock it off, get to work” feedback to correct her performance issues, which were significant. Only both of them also thought she was a nightmare and couldn’t face taking this on. To be fair, it would have taken 80% of his time and attention, invariably led to a PIP, insubordination, and various other write-ups and likely her quitting or being fired, whereupon a 30-year veteran of the department (her) would start slandering the office to our entire small town, and we had a significant and important role in the community. I did understand their reluctance to table the entirety of their actual work load to remedial train a 55- year-old Piece of Work in order to maneuver her out the door in the midst of an inevitable shit storm. It’s bad management but it’s pretty human, and I wanted to move anyway. So I preserved my reputation with my boss and got out from under the waterfall, which were my main goals.

If I’d wanted to stay in the community, I would have been a lot more frustrated, as it was a good job with a great wage and there was no need for it to be literally terrible. And yeah, it pushed me out into the worst job market in like a century so had I not had support and savings and been so ready to move on, I would probably be a lot saltier about it all.

I work a well-paying solitary labor job now, my rent is cheaper, the stores sell fresh fruit, and nobody’s pouring poison in my ears all day, so personally I feel this was a grand success. And the last I heard of her, she was trying to hold a conversation with a public works employee who was actively jackhammering a road so … yeah.

2. We’re feds with a coworker who won’t stop insisting everything is fine (#2 at the link)

Fergus toned down the positivity once we were back in the office, so the issue mostly worked itself out on its own. He is still sometimes too rah rah, but it’s not as bad as it was.

Unfortunately, the deputy has only ratcheted up the positivity. Every meeting, no matter how unpleasant or difficult the topic, has to end with a statement of how well things are going or how we’re doing amazing work, and everything we do is just the best. It’s exhausting.

A few weeks before the shutdown, the deputy dropped a bomb on us in a meeting. Something new is coming, and it has the opportunity to be very good for our office, or it has the possibility of being a giant clusterbleep. It’s the kind of situation that needs a lot of thought and careful planning. I’ve been in my office for over 10 years, and this represents, most likely, a radical change to the office and office culture. So, naturally, I was apprehensive and asked a million questions in the meeting about it, most of which management had no answers for. All of my questions were about logistics and planning, but, admittedly, my tone may have been too incredulous because the news was so surprising. Other folks told my manager that they had the exact same questions that I had.

Two days later, the deputy asked me to meet with her, without informing my manager. (This has happened before when she wants to reprimand someone but not discuss it with their manager.) In the meeting, she implicitly threatened my promotion potential for being too negative. I was also told that I could ask questions of the managers, strongly implying that I was not to ask questions in meetings because people “look up to” me as a senior staffer. Again, all I did was ask questions. I made no pronouncements that I thought this would fail or be bad for the office. I just wanted to understand and try to play my part in making it succeed. I have to work closely with the deputy on a project that I loathe, and this conversation has only made that more difficult. I’m a realist by nature, so gushing over how good everything is just isn’t how I operate. I guess I’ve got to learn to fake it.

3. When and how to tell clients I’m closing my business (#2 at the link)

In the end, I didn’t get in to Taco Night School A (day school, actually) here in my city, nor Taco Day School B in neighbor city. I ended up opting for Taco Day School C, which is an hour and a half one-way commute. After working mostly afternoons and evenings for years, waking up at 6:00 every day has been a huge adjustment, but I’m very happy with the program I’m in and the choice to go back to school more generally.

However, I didn’t find any of that out til August, so I proceeded with closing my business following your advice to just tell them in general terms that I was shutting down. Most of them did ask what I would be doing, which I replied to as if I had a solid plan. Despite being sad to lose me, the families generally realize that tutoring is a tough business with low profits and an unforgiving schedule, and were genuinely happy for me pursuing other opportunities.

I made recommendations for replacement tutors when possible, but that wasn’t the case for all families (for example, I couldn’t recommend anyone who works with young kids, or kids with dyslexia). Some families apparently had a very hard time finding new tutors and continued to write me even in mid-October to help them find someone and/or pretty please make an exception just for them. In the end, everyone either found a replacement or gave up on bothering me about it, and I only got guilt-tripped into staying on with one student (who, admittedly, has very specific learning needs that not many people are able to accommodate). I’m not entirely thrilled — it’s a lot combined with my own studies — but all in all I think the closing was handled smoothly, thanks in part to your advice!

The post updates: the constantly babbling coworker, the fed who insists everything’s fine, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-the-constantly-babbling-coworker-the-fed-who-insists-everythings-fine-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34783

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-not-having-work-friends-as-the-boss-the-controversial-client-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34749

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

1. Adjusting to not having work friends now that I’m everyone’s manager (#2 at the link)

I wrote about six months ago about loneliness at work after being promoted to location manager. On the whole, I’m feeling a great deal more comfortable! Some of my staff were promoted or otherwise moved to different jobs, so the current mix of people has known me mostly as Boss. I’ve been very intentional about being friendly with staff, and the new faces who weren’t my coworkers before have made it much easier to be Friendly Boss to everyone equally. I’ve also been able to start cultivating more communication with managers at other locations, which has helped. My most senior report is doing great at taking on leadership and being in charge when I am gone, which I think has mitigated a lot of stress that I didn’t realize I was feeling as well.

As for making other adult friends with little kids, thanks to everyone for your advice! Some of it I’ve tried out (with limited success; terminal introvert, here), some of it will probably come in handy in the future. My spouse stays home with the kids, so we don’t have daycare friends to get together with. I know I didn’t make it clear in my original letter, but I do have a long-standing hobby group once a week. I was having some trouble getting close to people there but didn’t have the bandwidth to join anything else. Since then, I’ve been more strategic in how I try to connect with the others in that group and in my religious gathering, and it’s becoming easier to connect in both places.

So I might have to be resigned to a new type of relationship with people at work, but I don’t need to be resigned to loneliness!

2. My team doesn’t want to work for a client whose politics they disagree with

Well, the big project we were kicking off at the time is nearing its end, so still TBD on whether or not we survive. :) But as you recommended, I discussed it with upper management and our two highest executives/owners shared how they are both personally active in helping immigrants, which was good for boosting morale among my team.

The client’s social media related to that has quieted down, thank goodness, and they didn’t try to discuss any of that side of their organization within the scope of our project with them. We worked through some minor annoying requests like the usage of “Gulf of America,” but I am hopeful that the tide is starting to turn within our industry against the administration.

None of our other clients have had any sort of requests along these lines, so that’s good! Our biggest problem is mass turnover among clients because their government jobs are so volatile right now that many are leaving for private sector work.

Update to the update:
I spoke too soon. After the final proofing stage, they are now requesting we swap out photos to include some of an elected official with members of ICE. I feel physically sick, and my team wants to push back. Again, it’s a huge project for us with a big financial impact, not to mention the time and resources we’ve put into it, considering I first wrote to you in February.

3. What if hiring a spouse is truly the best choice?

In accord with your advice, our church board all agreed that we didn’t want to hire the minister’s partner as music director, but somehow the HR committee wound up letting her interview anyway. The minister had been so careful to stay out of it that she never even told her partner of the depth of concerns, so it all came as a surprise to the partner in the interview. Fortunately, the partner wound up getting a better offer and withdrew her application before we had to tell her we wouldn’t hire her.

Unfortunately, the other best candidate also withdrew, so we had to start the search all over. Fortunately we did find and hire a wonderful candidate who had not applied in the first round. Unfortunately, the partner/applicant issue inflamed feelings among the choir, who were convinced that the minister had driven out the previous music director. (Not true, but it was a confidential HR issue so no one got the full picture.)

Subsequent work with conflict consultants leads me to believe that music directors are often the focal point of bad blood in congregations. It’s a tricky in-between position, involving deep commitment and loyalty within the music program, and a leader whose skill and training is in music, not religion or management or ministerial presence.

4. I’m getting too many requests for practice exchange (#3 at the link)

I wrote in after being inundated with requests for practice exchange visits. I took both your and the commenters‘ advice to heart and shared it with my team.

A) I decided to point requesters to our university’s week for guests, where people can visit all the units at once. The next one is in 1.5 years‘ time, but it’s something to offer at least. I also send the recordings we already have.

B) I suggested, like someone did in the comments, that my team prep a schedule and short talks we might trot out for every visitor. They thought it’s a good idea.

C) I also took the advice to select with our own benefit in mind, so I’ve just been saying no.

D) I also have been saying no a lot to zoom networking, and to some invites to give talks/workshops, unless it’s really high-profile or from universities we have pre-existing “diplomatic” relationships with, or I just really like the people. I manage a team of six now and serve a target population of 2000, so I feel they need to be my priority.

The stuff I said yes to this year all had a big impact, so I’m very happy. Thanks to all who gave advice!

The post updates: not having work friends as the boss, the controversial client, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-not-having-work-friends-as-the-boss-the-controversial-client-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34749

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-i-feel-guilty-about-retiring-at-such-a-hard-moment-for-my-colleagues.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34533

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer who felt guilty about retiring at such a hard moment for her colleagues? Here’s the update.

First, I want to say whole-heartedly that I really valued all of the advice offered, and the various ways in which my anxiety about retiring was reframed helped me move forward and quiet the guilt I was feeling. Thank you all for all of the advice, and for taking the time and putting together your thoughts to offer it.

I did retire. I fended off all urges to stay for just a little while longer (“just to get past this hard part”). I quieted pleas from colleagues who claimed they couldn’t possibly get along without me. I accepted accolades and parties, and crying and laughing when people said kind things or shared stories. (Apparently, I’m a hoot.) It was lovely. But I’ve been saying for years that I never want to be so indispensable to the organization that it would stumble even a bit if I left. (No person in a large organization should ever be that indispensable — that is incredibly fragile!) I was able to soothe my colleagues’ fears and did whatever I could to lift them up. I had more drop-in advice sessions and quickly scheduled coffees and meetings than ever before … which was fine, because I didn’t have much to do in that last month. Work had been passed on, and was already being managed very well.

One of the practices I got into the habit of doing in those last few weeks was to write what I called “love letters” on behalf of my closest and most respected colleagues — generally people I had worked with often, on challenging puzzles or the Very Weird Situations that had grown to be my specialty. It was therapeutic to take time to write to them (and copy their supervisors), to name their strengths and share my confidence that they are great administrators, and thank them for specific contributions to work we had done together. I know one of those unsolicited messages made it into a promotion packet; others were included in annual performance feedback (and arguments for the modest pay increases we received). I received several letters from the supervisors (whom I also generally know) thanking me and wishing me well. Yay!

I did this for a few reasons, but most importantly, I was mindful of the advice/commentary from AAM readers: my retirement would make way for talented people in the next generation to grow in their work. I was already mindful of that: my transition plan involved working with my colleagues and supervisor to study and reorganize my work and that created opportunities for promotion and growth for several colleagues. (All of which, as far as I know, are being remunerated.) I made myself available for questions, but my colleagues challenged themselves to work things out without ever having to call on me…and they didn’t. At all. “We’ve got this!” was their motto — and they did. I won’t lie and say that wasn’t bittersweet … but gee. They were having fun!

I know it’s been hard for them, though. I’m very grateful that decisions about promotions and so on were made before I left, because immediately following, budget cuts were announced and my position will not be refilled. Some projects will slow down, but not cease entirely; others might get shuffled and changed (and my absence makes that easier). Friends still reach out on a new Teams channel, where we are sharing conversations about pets, crafts, hiking, and recipes.

My life after my last day? Reading, napping, projects, longer dog walks, travel, consulting side-hustle … recalibrating my blood pressure and energy level, recognizing that life is different without constant work-related anxiety. Letting go of low-stakes irritations. No new projects, other than to ramp up efforts to fight fascism and read my way through the long lists of books banned or proposed for banning in schools (and attend discussions about that). I’m figuring it out, but not making commitments to any specific charitable organizations (seems like work) or seeking other employment (see above). I’ve got a great therapist, wonderful partner, and lovely friends, so I think I’ll get there. It’s still a bit amorphous, but I’m enjoying the change.

The post update: I feel guilty about retiring at such a hard moment for my colleagues appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-i-feel-guilty-about-retiring-at-such-a-hard-moment-for-my-colleagues.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34533

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/how-do-we-fire-someone-in-an-open-plan-office.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34058

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

A reader writes:

My company’s offices are entirely open plan, with the exception of a few fish-bowl style, glass-walled conference rooms. There aren’t even dividers between desks, just one big room, so everyone can see everything that’s happening.

Unfortunately, we have had to terminate a few people over the last year, typically for not meeting performance goals (as opposed to misconduct or misbehavior). Typically, the terminated employee gets the news in a conference room and is escorted out by their manager, which has had varying levels of success. There was one situation where the manager allowed the terminated employee to return to his desk to collect some things, which ended in an awkward conversation with some of the folks at the desks surrounding his.

Obviously, people may immediately need to collect items at their desks (coats, wallets, etc.), but that can be mitigated by someone else gathering those items for them. My question is then, what is the best way to handle employee termination in an open office, where it can become obvious what’s happening?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

The post how do we fire someone in an open-plan office? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/how-do-we-fire-someone-in-an-open-plan-office.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34058