Lucky Girl: growing up queer in a mostly-safe world

[azurelunatic]

From that last entry, you'd think that growing up queer in suburban Alaska was pretty rough. I didn't think I had it particularly hard at the time. It was not like I had it half as bad as it could have been. I felt lucky to have it as good as I did.


I was never in danger of being kicked out or disowned. I was more terrified of my father killing me if I got pregnant than for liking girls.

I wasn't a boy. I was a bisexual girl, and Shawn thought the idea was hot even though he had put me out of the Dating Zone.

Sure, my dad made a lot of nasty jokes about queers, but he stopped after Mama told him it was upsetting me.

My parents never told me I was going to hell, or tried to use religion as a bludgeon.

I knew two out schoolmates. I eventually became a third, in a school of about 400 students.

No one beat me.

It was impossible for me to become more socially isolated for being queer, because I was already socially isolated for being weird.

I was one of the Library Monkeys, and if I had had trouble, we protected our own.

I was able to get through the Day of Silence without tangling with actual homophobes. The only trouble I had was that Shawn did not take kindly to me doing a publicity stunt, and ripped my card up. He apologized the next day, after he learned that it was a worldwide event and not just some random idea of mine.

I was really glad Shawn apologized, because that meant I wouldn't have to stop being friends with him.

The scary-fundamentalist Christian guy was intimidated by me instead of the other way around, and eventually stopped asking me to go to his church events after I slapped him.

After my lesbian friend moved away and our gay friend graduated, I made more queer friends, even if most of them were very closeted.

I learned how to test who it was safe to come out to before risking myself.

Of all the things I needed counseling for after high school, being bi was not one. I escaped far more lightly than many peers.

I only lost one friend to suicide. I had not known he was gay. I did not know Chandler as well as I would have liked, but he was sunshine and hilarity and just *there*. His mom was Tay-Tay's kindergarten teacher.

I took my turn as mentor. I was sixteen, seventeen, serving as counselor and voice of wisdom for my people. We weren't that bad off. We were alive and we knew how to stay out of sight.

Comments

[senmut]

These posts mean a lot to people who need to read them.

Keep sharing.

[verity]

I'm often reluctant to post about my own growing-up queer experiences because, well, I was lucky. The only person I ever had any serious conflict with about my sexuality was jd (ilu, honey!). I never felt like it was dangerous to be queer. My parents didn't tell queer jokes. (See: Dad's bff Katie, lesbian scuba diver.) Not all of my friends (jd included) were so lucky.

my lucky queer life

[phoenix]

I was greatly relieved when I realised I was attracted to women, because I'd been waiting to feel "normal" attraction to men and felt backwards. (Now I'd consider me-then possibly asexual but unaware of that as an acceptable possibility. Me now - bisexual/queer, mildly not wildly sexual.) But yeah, thanks to the internet/fanfic/LJ, not being straight was a perfectly acceptable thing.

I've come out at work a number of times and in each case it's been to acceptance (and mild curiosity/interest).

Everyone I've come out to has reacted positively (except one landlady).

No one I know has died for being who or what they are.

Of all the things I needed counselling for after high school, being bi was not one.

And this. Yes.

[asciident]

On the one hand, I'm so glad that you did not have to live your high school life in terror because you were queer.

On the other, I am a little sad that your "lucky" experiences are not widespread norms yet. One day perhaps.

[asciident]

Oh to have an edit option. That should say were/are queer. I realized after it sounds like you went un-queer after h.s. :p

[majoline]

Thank you for sharing. *hug*