Dream-logic

[azurelunatic]

I can't tell you how delighted I am that the portion of my brain responsible for dreams has figured out that Darkside can be convinced of simple fact by me. For every reason both logical and illogical, I used to have literal nightmares about Shawn not listening to me. It seemed that every time I had more information than he did, and I was right and he was improperly informed, he would not listen to me when I tried to tell him what needed to be done.

And then of course, he would run up smack against whatever it was that needed for him to have his ducks in a row in this order, and then he would be upset because he hadn't gotten things right.

This was a reflection of reality. While Shawn may have listened to me about things that I had more information about than he did, sometimes, there were times when he so very much did not. It would frustrate everyone involved. It got to the point where my undermind had to give me a nightmare about it, to point out that this was a Wrong.


I had a dream last night wherein Darkside was mistaken and I had more current information. So, anticipating a power struggle/battle of Wills (for whatever reason, I often identify Darkside with Shawn, to some degree, because I was deeply in love with both of them, more deeply than I've loved anyone else) I told Darkside that he did in fact need the paper printed out in order to fly.

At this point, Shawn would have argued with me, not even letting me get to the point where I would point to the bit of the paperwork (and the large airport sign) saying that passengers flying with electronic tickets would need the confirmation page printed out along with their ID before they could get past security to get on. Darkside let me say what I was going to say, read the information for himself, and agreed with me, with no arguement. Somewhere in there, a part of my mind conked out in shock, and, when it recovered, gasped, "He listened to me?"

My dreamscriptor function, though, had it in there as an of-course. Darkside is a sane, rational man, with quite a bit of respect for me.


And on the topic of respect... votania's still fuming about the hug thing... he doesn't know, yet, how very much it hurts when he won't hug back, mostly because I'm very careful about trying to hide it from him. Darkside hugs Dawn back when she hugs him, mostly because he's afraid that he'll insult her by not doing so. Other than that, he says, he really does not hug anyone but family. And I'm not family. He hugs Votania, though, and she's not family... I don't think he has any idea how much that hurt. It hurts to the point where it makes my fingers ache, because I dare not release the hurt where it can hit anyone else...

I don't think he knows how much it hurts, because he can't see the energy surges happening in me, he just sees their physical effects on me. He constantly misinterprets lust as emotional upset, for example. So he doesn't know until I tell him. I need to tell him. I also need to tell him how much the crowbar joke really really hurts, because it has a far too close relationship to the truth. It's going to shut me down one of these days... Furthermore, when he jokes about pushing me away when I hug him, and I take it seriously, there is an upset, and he tells me he's kidding. But since he's got the Vulcan-face thing going on, I can rarely tell when he's joking and when he's serious... so I never know when I truly am going to hug him too much, if he doesn't really mind when I hug him some and he still shoves me away.

Miscommunications.

If anyone here thought he knew how very much the hug issues were hurting me, he would be in a proportional amount of physical hurt.