My past, my future, and why I'm where I am now, and how I could have gotten there otherwise.

[azurelunatic]

Every now and then, I do a pathtrace on myself, looking at the options for my having shown up in this same place by a similar route, when I feel that it's one of those decisive moments.

Take now, for example.

Had I chosen to not go to UAF after high school, had I chosen DeVry instead, I could very well be here now, but graduated. Darkside and I would have been in the same incoming class, and I would have most likely chosen a class group overlapping his, somehow, and I would...

It gets tangled, but I'd be a lot younger now than I am now, and quite possibly married.

Before I got together with BJ, I got a random e-mail from a psychic, telling me that she'd run up across my e-mail searching for an old friend of hers, and did I know him? and by the way, your future happiness hinges on a decision/event that you're about to encounter, I hope you choose rightly, and I can help you if you wish.

I chose BJ, and that brought me to Phoenix, which is where I met Votania, and Darkside, and once I'd met them, I ditched BJ. ...It makes a very weird kind of sense to me. In fateful terms, BJ was means to an end, and I didn't use him very well, and then I ditched him.

It feels weird, thinking of someone in that sense. Effectively, though, that is what he was to me.

Comments

[amberite.livejournal.com]

My first boyfriend, Dave the neurotic druggie, has a similar distinction. A lot of the work I've been doing on giving/sacrifice boundaries? can be traced back to things I learned with him. The relationship was a complete useless meantime of a relationship, but I have a number of good lessons that date back to it, 'cause I processed it right.

[azurelunatic]

This strikes me as more significant in the "moving me" avenue of things than in the "learning", though that was significant too.