azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 ([personal profile] azurelunatic) wrote2002-11-01 07:19 pm

The Church of the Hopeful Door

Every now and then, I re-post this experience, because it's one of the things that makes me who I am, and makes me not who I am not.

In the spring of the year 2000, sometime when there was still snow on the ground, but after the Ides of March, I gained myself a fiance. It must have been sometime around April first, because I was just being presented as his fiancée... I was 19 at the time, and just rediscovering my faith in the divine, choosing to be part of the Wiccan religious model, as that was my religion of best fit.

BJ's mother had made the ruling that while BJ lived under her roof, he would attend church. All right. The first weekend we were spending time together on a very regular basis, I went with him to the Friends Church to announce the engagement as well as have him go to church, ran into some people I didn't expect to see, and all in all had a delightful time, discovering that one actually could get in touch with the Divine inside a church.

The next weekend, however, he and I went to his family's regular church [sadly, the link that I found at one time has gone dead; their bylaws, however, have been preserved by the good offices of Google, and may be found by searching on the church name "Door of Hope"; they will also be appended as a comment] with a friend of his who'd spent the night. I was driving my cute little red Toyota Tercel station wagon Bonnie, and it was a beautiful morning.

George and BJ and I walked into the church. I immediately felt uncomfortable, which made me feel even more uncomfortable, because I had no idea why I was not feeling comfortable; I'd felt comfortable in the Friends Church; I felt comfortable in the big happy church that my sister's violin practice used to take place in; I felt comfortable at Hidden Hill... what was wrong with me?

It didn't occur to me at that moment that it might not have been me that had the problem.

I sat down in the lobby, pretty much ignoring the guy passing out flyers at the door, and began to attempt to attune myself with the place, to get in touch with the Divine, to be happy and peaceful and light. Eventually, I felt comfortable enough to walk into the main meeting room, which featured a loud rock band and a bunch of singing people and overhead projectors. I walked in just as the song was ending, and so got to hear the prayer leader's next comments. He made happy noises at the congregation for the positive prayers and that sort of thing, and requested that the energy and prayers for this next song be dedicated to the people of Islam.

Small warning bell: I listened closely.

"Islam has been Satan's playground for too long!" he intoned. "Let's reclaim Islam for GOD!"

It was at that moment that I turned around abruptly, and told George and BJ that if they were getting a ride home with me, I was leaving NOW.

I strode out through the lobby, through the double glass doors, and was in the car quickly. I waited for George, who was a slow walker, to catch up, then wanted to know where BJ was; if he wasn't in the car within one minute, he could get a ride home with his mother and his father and his brother. George told me that BJ was fixing the door: in my haste to get out of the place, I'd made the door closing smoothly/quietly mechanism fall apart.

Afterwards, BJ tried to explain to me that the prayer leader hadn't actually MEANT what it sounded like, just that there were plenty of people perverting the true spirit of Islam, and it was time that they stopped doing that. Right. That's not how it sounded. That's not how it felt. That's not a church I'm ever returning to, at least not alone, and not without a LOT of holy water.

[identity profile] dagny57.livejournal.com 2002-11-01 07:05 pm (UTC)(link)
I would find such things trite and funny, if lives haven't actually been ruined by them. Some people fail to remember that Christianity has also been Satan's (or the dark side of human nature's) playground for too long. It's not just time to reclaim things for god, but to reclaim sprituality for the dignity of humankind.
Sometimes my run-ins with overly righteous religiosity leave me very disturbed about the fate of the world. Sometimes the things that are said, I can't believe that people actually believe that stuff. Sometimes I'm frightened.

Re: Door of Church, Inc. By-Laws

[identity profile] lugh.livejournal.com 2002-11-01 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)
section 2 has my skin crawling.. and I can't seem to read past that.. my eyes keep wanting to be elsewhere....

Re: Door of Church, Inc. By-Laws

[identity profile] lizw.livejournal.com 2002-11-02 04:23 am (UTC)(link)
As in "private and corporate worship"? In that context it just means "collective" - what people do when they're assembled as opposed to when they're along.

[identity profile] iroshi.livejournal.com 2002-11-02 06:03 am (UTC)(link)
Oddly enough, I have no idea why you're so upset by their stated doctrines. Pretty much *all* conservative Christian churches say something like this. What depends on whether you feel comfortable in the church itself or not depends on how self-consistent the Christians within it are.

My ex-husband is one of the most self-consistent Christians I know, but he's not called to preach. If he *were*, then I wouldn't be comfortable anywhere near him, because that would mean it was his duty to preach to the unconverted, which would be me. Since he's *not* a minister, his only requirement is to "hold yourself ready to give an answer for the hope that is in you" and since I already know the answer, he doesn't have to give it to me. :D We get along pretty well outside of that, even though he does honestly think I'm going to Hell when I die.

Re: Door of Church, Inc. By-Laws

[identity profile] lizw.livejournal.com 2002-11-03 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
Yeesh, I can't believe I typed "along" for "alone".

Yeah, it's a bit of an archaic usage. I remember thinking it was odd when I first encountered it (in Brideshead Revisited, when the main character mentions other students cycling to Corporate Communion, meaning a communion service for their College community).