Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-11-28 12:57 am
azurelunatic) wrote2002-11-28 12:57 am
Thanksgiving...
Why even bother?
...
Yep, I'm much in the pits of grouchiness. Dramatics all around, myself included, and the only reason I feel like having anything resembling a celebration now is to make them feel better, and so I won't get left out.
I'm just feeling like a baby again. Whine, cry, bitch, until I get my own way.
As it stands now, I stay home for Thursday, then have a big party that I'm not really feeling like having, now, all things considered, on Friday. It's probably just that I'm up late and pissy over the whole thing. I already did my shopping for when I thought I'd be having Thanksgiving alone. Now I seem to be denied even that.
I'm pissy, I'm grouchy, and I have the ignoble urge to make everyone else just as miserable as I seem to be determined to be. Which isn't going to be fun for anyone, much less me. It's not that misery loves company, it's that misery damn well makes its own company, and then is miserable about being around them, in a smug sort of way.
The holiday seems to be for thinking of things that you're thankful for, and including in that list delicious foods and the good company of people who are delightful to spend time with. Theoretically.
...I guess I was just looking forward to spending time with my family that day... knowing that I couldn't was a disappointment. But I was prepared to spend the day celebrating, and had already begun the process.
Pushing that day back to Friday fucked with me in a lot of subtle and unfortunate ways. In a weird way, it makes me feel very much less a part of a family, now that my careful plans for tomorrow have all been junked, with the sort of perfunctory "by-your-leave" that isn't really much of a choice, if you're going for household happiness and harmony.
...It's more of the thing where no one cared, much, to include me, for whatever reason. Only not. Only it is.
What price tickets to Alaska, again?
...
Yep, I'm much in the pits of grouchiness. Dramatics all around, myself included, and the only reason I feel like having anything resembling a celebration now is to make them feel better, and so I won't get left out.
I'm just feeling like a baby again. Whine, cry, bitch, until I get my own way.
As it stands now, I stay home for Thursday, then have a big party that I'm not really feeling like having, now, all things considered, on Friday. It's probably just that I'm up late and pissy over the whole thing. I already did my shopping for when I thought I'd be having Thanksgiving alone. Now I seem to be denied even that.
I'm pissy, I'm grouchy, and I have the ignoble urge to make everyone else just as miserable as I seem to be determined to be. Which isn't going to be fun for anyone, much less me. It's not that misery loves company, it's that misery damn well makes its own company, and then is miserable about being around them, in a smug sort of way.
The holiday seems to be for thinking of things that you're thankful for, and including in that list delicious foods and the good company of people who are delightful to spend time with. Theoretically.
...I guess I was just looking forward to spending time with my family that day... knowing that I couldn't was a disappointment. But I was prepared to spend the day celebrating, and had already begun the process.
Pushing that day back to Friday fucked with me in a lot of subtle and unfortunate ways. In a weird way, it makes me feel very much less a part of a family, now that my careful plans for tomorrow have all been junked, with the sort of perfunctory "by-your-leave" that isn't really much of a choice, if you're going for household happiness and harmony.
...It's more of the thing where no one cared, much, to include me, for whatever reason. Only not. Only it is.
What price tickets to Alaska, again?
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