Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-03-14 03:06 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-03-14 03:06 pm
And she's in my *head*!
This morning, when I was walking to school, I wanted a cigarette.
The fuck?
I don't smoke.
I have never smoked.
No one I live with smokes.
No one I hang around with often smokes.
I start coughing every time I have to walk through an area where people are smoking.
(Okay, so I could survive without coughing when I walk through smoke, but it's commentary.)
I finally figured out what it was. It's![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rosalynde. Even though her only existence on this particular plane is in my novel and in her LJ, which I write for her, her presence is strong enough to influence me. And the absence of Zach from her life is hurting her so much she's taken up smoking. She knows it's bad, she knows it's slow suicide... and she's smoking.
She'll quit when she gets pregnant.
She would be in therapy, not smoking, if she could admit to herself what it was. She's the one her triad grounds to, and they're not stable as a triad. Well, they would be... but Rose needs someone to keep her grounded, or to learn how to ground herself properly. As it stands now, she's not well-grounded enough.
When Zach died, Rose turned to Scotty for the stable friendship she needed. Zach died in 1996. Rose and Scotty were friends (his family did move back to Fairbanks in the early spring of 1997) and balanced each other: Scott with his unresolved lack-of-love-life, and Rose with her seemingly perfect triad. She needed someone not in the triad to vent to, though, and Scotty was the perfect wailing wall. Just little things. Dave is oblivious to stuff, and Regan can get a little hysterical, and Rose needs someone to talk to who won't turn it into a nasty feedback loop.
Then Rose and Scotty fought. I think she cussed him out because he'd just violated the underlying premise of the closeness of their friendship: he was an outsider, so it was safe for her to vent to him. Once he and Dave slept together, though... she cussed him out for sleeping with HER fiance, and banished him to the ends of the earth. (Oddly enough, Regan stayed in contact with him somewhat after that, little emails randomly back and forth, as she decided that he, through virtue of sleeping with Dave, was Part of the Relationship, albeit an estranged and one-time one.)
Then Rose had Beth, and that was good, and not quite as secure. But when Rose moved, that connection got disrupted, and then the worrying medical reports made her not put much stress on Beth... and she never did make any new friends in Arizona. She did take up smoking, though.
The fuck?
I don't smoke.
I have never smoked.
No one I live with smokes.
No one I hang around with often smokes.
I start coughing every time I have to walk through an area where people are smoking.
(Okay, so I could survive without coughing when I walk through smoke, but it's commentary.)
I finally figured out what it was. It's
rosalynde. Even though her only existence on this particular plane is in my novel and in her LJ, which I write for her, her presence is strong enough to influence me. And the absence of Zach from her life is hurting her so much she's taken up smoking. She knows it's bad, she knows it's slow suicide... and she's smoking. She'll quit when she gets pregnant.
She would be in therapy, not smoking, if she could admit to herself what it was. She's the one her triad grounds to, and they're not stable as a triad. Well, they would be... but Rose needs someone to keep her grounded, or to learn how to ground herself properly. As it stands now, she's not well-grounded enough.
When Zach died, Rose turned to Scotty for the stable friendship she needed. Zach died in 1996. Rose and Scotty were friends (his family did move back to Fairbanks in the early spring of 1997) and balanced each other: Scott with his unresolved lack-of-love-life, and Rose with her seemingly perfect triad. She needed someone not in the triad to vent to, though, and Scotty was the perfect wailing wall. Just little things. Dave is oblivious to stuff, and Regan can get a little hysterical, and Rose needs someone to talk to who won't turn it into a nasty feedback loop.
Then Rose and Scotty fought. I think she cussed him out because he'd just violated the underlying premise of the closeness of their friendship: he was an outsider, so it was safe for her to vent to him. Once he and Dave slept together, though... she cussed him out for sleeping with HER fiance, and banished him to the ends of the earth. (Oddly enough, Regan stayed in contact with him somewhat after that, little emails randomly back and forth, as she decided that he, through virtue of sleeping with Dave, was Part of the Relationship, albeit an estranged and one-time one.)
Then Rose had Beth, and that was good, and not quite as secure. But when Rose moved, that connection got disrupted, and then the worrying medical reports made her not put much stress on Beth... and she never did make any new friends in Arizona. She did take up smoking, though.
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Taking on characteristics of characters, that is. Not wanting a smoke. :)
I occasionally have to remind myself to make a concerted effort not to emulate Reginald in any way. That could turn bad fast.
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(Wonder if I should purposefully set something like that up again? Head-drugs.)
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