The worst resumé ever

One day when I have the time, I want to write the resumé that is long on "this time I was hilarious and/or terrifying at work" and short on terrified ass-kissing.

I can describe my job like that in a blog. Why not switch formats?

This post brought to you by:

"Arranged for knives and fire to be made available to User Experience department."

and

To: Manager
Subject: Knives
Body: I crave your counsel on the following restricted items...

My tweets

• Wed, 14:14: RT @sophiaphotos: 53% of anti-LGBTQ homicide victims are trans women, & 73% of all anti-LGBTQ homicide victims are POC. http://t.co/KdzWLuo…
• Wed, 14:24: Photo: hangingthegiants: yogifindingpeace: recoverrunner:  Article I read recently. READ THE LAST PARAGRAPH!... http://t.co/2YXWoEDxya
• Wed, 14:50: "Arranged for knives & fire to be made available to department" is now legitimately able to be on my resumé.
• Wed, 16:56: MT @oakandsage: nothing alleviates depression like devouring the souls of tumblr posters
• Wed, 19:12: screamingcrawfish: the most ridiculous fight newt and hermann have ever gotten in was when newt greeted... http://t.co/lzxKUyCCLf
• Wed, 21:25: RT @Gingerhazing: for reasons unknown, I have made a fairly sincere bit of handlettering of a sarcastic Sky High quote http://t.co/JT0H1heJ…
• Wed, 21:31: RT @ChuckWendig: #DoctorWhoa's greatest enemies include: the Cybros, the Peeping Angels, the R2D2s, Master Bates, the Monkey Librarians, an…
• Wed, 21:37: RT @ChuckWendig: #DoctorWhoa is a Time Dude who dudes the fuck out of time to save the day with his time-traveling fists and his karate les…
• Wed, 22:33: Why do 3D artists like slow-cooked, well-done bacon so much? Because of all the time spent rendering.
• Thu, 01:01: My fitbit #Fitstats for 9/04/2013: 3,708 steps and 1.6 miles traveled. http://t.co/gFMrr7HEB6

( Read more... )

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little mostly-fannish snippets, some involving norabombay

So shower thoughts:

Characters: *do vaguely realistic things*
Characters: *go way the fuck past the bounds of real or sensible*
Audience: *goes along with*
Audience whose disbelief hasn't been adequately suspended: HEY!!

Characters: *do vaguely realistic things*
Character: Should not do the thing.
Character: No, should not.
Characters: *do the thing anyway* (possibly neither realistic nor sensible)
Audience: Ooooooo.




Regarding the Avengers Roman AU idea:
"Thor would have some local god issues." "Captain Rome. No, Captain Empire. ... Some penis reference."
--norabombay




"People kind of like not seeing your penis, unless it's a special see-my-penis party."
-norabombay