The worst resumé ever

[azurelunatic]

One day when I have the time, I want to write the resumé that is long on "this time I was hilarious and/or terrifying at work" and short on terrified ass-kissing.

I can describe my job like that in a blog. Why not switch formats?

This post brought to you by:

"Arranged for knives and fire to be made available to User Experience department."

and

To: Manager
Subject: Knives
Body: I crave your counsel on the following restricted items...

Comments

[azurelunatic]

The rest of the email was about the X-acto knife that one of the design guys needed in his ongoing struggle with the world of paper.

Later, in the bathroom, my manager said the beginning alarmed her somewhat, but by the end she agreed, legit request.

Then she asked how my day was.

"Knives, fire, and fixing Kipper/Llama! My favorite things!" I said, and may have cackled maniacally.

[ofearthandstars]

Well I'd hire you with that kind of resumé.

[azurelunatic]

Any job I got with that resumé would be amazing.

[wibbble]

In your part of the world, there's probably loads of places that would hire someone with that kind of resumé. Not so much the more corporate places, of course.

[azurelunatic]

I can see two possible risks that might make me decide not to do it:

If I used any turn of phrase I'd used unlocked here, I could be Googled up, and I do maintain separation.

If in the future I had to apply for a stuffy corporate position and the fun version was floating around out there, or I managed to use the same turn of phrase and brought the fun version to the attention of someone who doesn't have a sense of humor that they're aware of, I could be hard up.

[wibbble]

Those are definitely legitimate concerns, but at the same time there (should!) come a point where you're screening the employer as much as the other way around, and it can be nice to select out of the more arsey employers.

[azurelunatic]

"Based on my limited experience with him, I found Mr ---- to be a yeasty pee-hole of a manager, who maintained a strict hands-off policy on day to day operations, except for when he decided to try his hand at fucking everything up."

[siderea]

ROTFL

[silveradept]

I believe those things have a place in your CV. If for no other reason than to make he interviewers have to ask questions about such things, which leads to convenient stories about your awesomeness and the workplace.

[azurelunatic]

Filed repair tickets and procured non-standard office supplies, ensuring my team and building had regular access to ice, lighting, working doors, a choice array of adhesives, sticky-notes, knives, and fire.

[silveradept]

That sounds excellent. It would certainly garner my attention and curiosity.