Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-26 07:51 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-26 07:51 pm
Boundaries, core beliefs
I have a difficult time keeping comfortable around a person when I know that they think that something that is natural to me is profoundly Morally Wrong, without question or room for argument.
If someone were trying to debate the position, to learn more about it, to see how someone else could have that viewpoint, that's a position I could deal with. I'm prepared to deal with that.
I'm prepared to deal with people who can't see how I can have a certain position, and declare that they will never be able to hold that position, but can acknowledge that it works for me, and that I am the only person who can say if it is right for me or not.
I am not prepared to deal with people who hold that something that is integral to me is completely, utterly, irrevokably Wrong, without possibility of discussion. One of my strong core beliefs is that it is very difficult to know what is in another person's heart, and unless you can tell that someone is being harmed by a decision, it's terribly hard to know if something someone else is doing is Wrong.
Even something as straightforwardly considered Wrong as stealing has the classic moral dilemmas that get debated in ethics classes. Stealing for pleasure, and no real need, is not generally under debate. Stealing bread to feed a starving child when there is no means of buying it in time to save the child... that is a classic moral dilemma. It is wrong to steal; it is wrong to allow a child to die of starvation when you could do something to save them.
One of the things I believe most strongly in, paradoxical as it must be, is that there is no One Objective Moral Truth. I believe that everyone is responsible for finding the things that ring true to them; I believe that it is Wrong to insist that the things that you have found that are true for you must necessarily be true for everyone else.
My sister is a vegetarian, for moral reasons. She could not be easy with herself if she ate something that had been a live animal if she could not kill it and prepare it herself. That is what is right for her. I would not force her to eat meat. That would be wrong.
I am not a vegetarian. I have helped my father in the process of butchering chickens, and I can still eat chicken. Had we raised cattle, I would have helped him with that as well. It would be wrong for my sister to insist that I also not eat meat.
I am comfortable around Narcissa because she knows that I have come to a reasonable conclusion that works for me based on my own experiences and beliefs. I am comfortable around her because I know that she has come to something that works for her.
I do not know if I would be comfortable around someone who found something that I know is right for me, with all my heart, to be not only wrong-for-them, but objectively Wrong, and therefore Wrong for Me, as they know that I am this. I know that I am not comfortable around people who are in the habit of knowing things to be Objectively Wrong, and hold forth on them at length, not knowing that I happen to be among the people they're dismissing as Utterly Wrong.
I do know that I am comfortable with Darkside making very specific situational judgements of Right For Me and Wrong For Me. Darkside thought that my involvement with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
digitalambience was very much Wrong For Me, because he saw me taking damage on a daily basis without corresponding joy. Darkside is in a position to judge Wrong For Me/Right For Me, because he is in a position to know my heart.
I accept that others may find my actions to be wrong for them. I once had sex with a guy, when both he and I thought that my friend had irrevokably dumped him. She thought differently, and there were tears and apologies on all sides when the difficulty came to light.
I cannot accept anyone else's judgement of Objective Moral Wrongness without thorough debate and justification.
If someone were trying to debate the position, to learn more about it, to see how someone else could have that viewpoint, that's a position I could deal with. I'm prepared to deal with that.
I'm prepared to deal with people who can't see how I can have a certain position, and declare that they will never be able to hold that position, but can acknowledge that it works for me, and that I am the only person who can say if it is right for me or not.
I am not prepared to deal with people who hold that something that is integral to me is completely, utterly, irrevokably Wrong, without possibility of discussion. One of my strong core beliefs is that it is very difficult to know what is in another person's heart, and unless you can tell that someone is being harmed by a decision, it's terribly hard to know if something someone else is doing is Wrong.
Even something as straightforwardly considered Wrong as stealing has the classic moral dilemmas that get debated in ethics classes. Stealing for pleasure, and no real need, is not generally under debate. Stealing bread to feed a starving child when there is no means of buying it in time to save the child... that is a classic moral dilemma. It is wrong to steal; it is wrong to allow a child to die of starvation when you could do something to save them.
One of the things I believe most strongly in, paradoxical as it must be, is that there is no One Objective Moral Truth. I believe that everyone is responsible for finding the things that ring true to them; I believe that it is Wrong to insist that the things that you have found that are true for you must necessarily be true for everyone else.
My sister is a vegetarian, for moral reasons. She could not be easy with herself if she ate something that had been a live animal if she could not kill it and prepare it herself. That is what is right for her. I would not force her to eat meat. That would be wrong.
I am not a vegetarian. I have helped my father in the process of butchering chickens, and I can still eat chicken. Had we raised cattle, I would have helped him with that as well. It would be wrong for my sister to insist that I also not eat meat.
I am comfortable around Narcissa because she knows that I have come to a reasonable conclusion that works for me based on my own experiences and beliefs. I am comfortable around her because I know that she has come to something that works for her.
I do not know if I would be comfortable around someone who found something that I know is right for me, with all my heart, to be not only wrong-for-them, but objectively Wrong, and therefore Wrong for Me, as they know that I am this. I know that I am not comfortable around people who are in the habit of knowing things to be Objectively Wrong, and hold forth on them at length, not knowing that I happen to be among the people they're dismissing as Utterly Wrong.
I do know that I am comfortable with Darkside making very specific situational judgements of Right For Me and Wrong For Me. Darkside thought that my involvement with
digitalambience was very much Wrong For Me, because he saw me taking damage on a daily basis without corresponding joy. Darkside is in a position to judge Wrong For Me/Right For Me, because he is in a position to know my heart. I accept that others may find my actions to be wrong for them. I once had sex with a guy, when both he and I thought that my friend had irrevokably dumped him. She thought differently, and there were tears and apologies on all sides when the difficulty came to light.
I cannot accept anyone else's judgement of Objective Moral Wrongness without thorough debate and justification.
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Therein lies the difficulty.
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Been there, done that. If you would like to discuss this, instead of just posting about it, that'd be neat.
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