Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-06-22 03:03 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-06-22 03:03 pm
More terrors
Ever since Friday, I've been feeling like a really bad parent.
I think I'm doing the right things. I'm driving on instinct and my memories of how my parents did it, and my memories of the things I should steer clear of.
(Incidentally, I just answered a question today with, "Because." LF was repeating, "Whyyyy not?" over and over and over again because it was funny to him, and so I answered, "Because!" in amused exasperation. He howled with laughter.)
I don't communicate well, offline. I'm coming to see that in sharp, painful clarity. The Little Fayoumis understands quite a bit of what I say, and accepts me. The rest of my here-family accepts me without understanding. ...There's a difference. There's a palpable difference. He knows what I mean, and I know what I mean, and he behaves himself for me, and ...
... and the upshot is that I wind up feeling like a lousy parent because my co-parents don't understand me.
It's worst with Marx. He's a good friend, and as long as we understand each other, we get along excellently.
I don't understand how he interacts with the Little Fayoumis. It terrifies me when they get angry with each other. He doesn't understand me when I interact with the Little Fayoumis.
Like a hot gold wire pulled through a screen, my patience is extended...
I think I'm doing the right things. I'm driving on instinct and my memories of how my parents did it, and my memories of the things I should steer clear of.
(Incidentally, I just answered a question today with, "Because." LF was repeating, "Whyyyy not?" over and over and over again because it was funny to him, and so I answered, "Because!" in amused exasperation. He howled with laughter.)
I don't communicate well, offline. I'm coming to see that in sharp, painful clarity. The Little Fayoumis understands quite a bit of what I say, and accepts me. The rest of my here-family accepts me without understanding. ...There's a difference. There's a palpable difference. He knows what I mean, and I know what I mean, and he behaves himself for me, and ...
... and the upshot is that I wind up feeling like a lousy parent because my co-parents don't understand me.
It's worst with Marx. He's a good friend, and as long as we understand each other, we get along excellently.
I don't understand how he interacts with the Little Fayoumis. It terrifies me when they get angry with each other. He doesn't understand me when I interact with the Little Fayoumis.
Like a hot gold wire pulled through a screen, my patience is extended...
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He only asks "Why?" once, and that's if he wants to know.
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