Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-09-09 02:06 am
azurelunatic) wrote2003-09-09 02:06 am
Drama
Sometimes, when we're talking about our innermost thoughts, the ups and downs that normally we'd keep close to ourself, censored -- it becomes drama.
Everybody's got it. I don't know of any person who doesn't have some days where they think "Oh, arrgh, so-and-so's being such a bitch today." And then, two hours later, so-and-so is wonderful again.
It's a normal human thing.
I'd be willing to bet that very few people hate me. I know I've got my share of people who really don't care for me or my attitude(s), for one reason or another, but I don't think I've affected many people strongly enough for them to hate me.
I consider my trust/friendship levels to be one cause of this. While I like lots of people just fine, and am friendly to many, most of them I still consider acquaintances. I don't give out my friendship or trust to many, and then don't thus have to revoke it often. I'd rather not trust, or trust warily only after a long time, than trust quickly and blindly, be burned, and yank away my confidence from that one. That way, someone wouldn't be themself, as I am myself, and become bewildered and betrayed by being first trusted without reason, and then, as they grew comfortable with that trust, having it revoked for something they wouldn't consider good reason.
I grew up trusting, unbetrayed. I had childhood teasing; I was never the popular one. As a child, I know I counted it as betrayal; as an adult, I don't. Kids are kids; kids are cruel. I knew how to trust, and I learned who to not trust.
I don't have all the answers. I just have observations and more questions...
Everybody's got it. I don't know of any person who doesn't have some days where they think "Oh, arrgh, so-and-so's being such a bitch today." And then, two hours later, so-and-so is wonderful again.
It's a normal human thing.
I'd be willing to bet that very few people hate me. I know I've got my share of people who really don't care for me or my attitude(s), for one reason or another, but I don't think I've affected many people strongly enough for them to hate me.
I consider my trust/friendship levels to be one cause of this. While I like lots of people just fine, and am friendly to many, most of them I still consider acquaintances. I don't give out my friendship or trust to many, and then don't thus have to revoke it often. I'd rather not trust, or trust warily only after a long time, than trust quickly and blindly, be burned, and yank away my confidence from that one. That way, someone wouldn't be themself, as I am myself, and become bewildered and betrayed by being first trusted without reason, and then, as they grew comfortable with that trust, having it revoked for something they wouldn't consider good reason.
I grew up trusting, unbetrayed. I had childhood teasing; I was never the popular one. As a child, I know I counted it as betrayal; as an adult, I don't. Kids are kids; kids are cruel. I knew how to trust, and I learned who to not trust.
I don't have all the answers. I just have observations and more questions...