Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-09-21 03:08 am
azurelunatic) wrote2003-09-21 03:08 am
FAQ #6: When are you going to [move on from / give up on] Darkside?
So far, Darkside is the closest match I've found to my ideal mate. I trust him, for good reason, and he and I get along better than I've ever gotten along with any other human being. I have reason to believe that I get along with him better than many other people do.
Before Darkside, I had the vague ideal of what love should be like, but had never experienced an actual instance myself. Now, I have something to compare it against, and most comparisons between my bond with him and my connections with others fall far short.
If I meet someone who has the potential to become closer to me than Darkside is, I will certainly explore and develop that relationship with all due caution. One of the benefits of being wired for polyamory is that I can consider other potential candidates for mates while being happily and unrequitedly and most faithfully in love with Darkside.
However, my systems return a Relationship Depth Meter Warning whenever I reach the level I'm comfortable being at with most people, and in most cases, I hit that soon after I meet them. I may know people for years and only get so emotionally intimate with them, never any more. This warning system of mine is a good thing, and is based on all my experience with people over the years, plus a few subconscious / 5 + nth sense things.
From time to time, I have told people about my Relationship Depth Meter warnings, usually in the form of, "_____'s a nice person, but I know them as well as I'll ever need to know them, and I can tell you now that they and I won't work out."
The usual response to that is, "You just aren't giving them a chance! You never give anyone a chance!", or variants on the theme.
Several times, I have yielded to those "Aww, give them a chance" voices, and went ahead, ignored my own warning system, and got further-entangled with someone who my instincts were telling me to avoid getting further-involved with. My instincts were, of course, correct. I've made it a policy to listen to that, now, because it's probably got a reason.
In the face of that "You're not giving them a chance!" statement, my answer should always be, "I did give them a chance. They failed to make it to the next level."
It's not required that someone who might form a bond closer than the one I have with Darkside form that bond with me immediately. It is required that they not flunk any trustworthiness, vibe, or compatibility screenings.
(A sample compatibility screening, answers, and scores: "I'm a witch."
a) "You're going to Hell!" = Flunk
b) "Does that mean you worship Satan?" = engage Information Module, Cluefulness Screening; grade to be administered at the end of that.
c) "That's interesting." / "Oh." = Neutral, pending more response.
d) "That's interesting; what kind of witch?" = engage Information, Cluefulness, perhaps actual discussion; provisional pass pending attitude check
e) "Okay by me." = Pass
f) "Cool, so am I." = Pass; further trustworthiness/cluefulness screenings.
g) "That's so neat!! Could you do a spell for me/help me with a spell?" = Pass 'tolerance of witch' check; provisional fail 'colleague' check; further screening on the "help me with a spell" subgroup on the 'colleague' thing, among others.
h) "Oh, wow! I've read all of Silver Ravenwolf's books, but you're the first real witch I've ever met!!!" = Flunk 'S RW Fangirl' check BADLY; possible flunk of 'useful human being' check.
i) "You're a witch? I'm a Secret High Master of Implausibility, and I will expertly probe you with questions to see if you're as pretensious as we are." = FLUNK)
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Before Darkside, I had the vague ideal of what love should be like, but had never experienced an actual instance myself. Now, I have something to compare it against, and most comparisons between my bond with him and my connections with others fall far short.
If I meet someone who has the potential to become closer to me than Darkside is, I will certainly explore and develop that relationship with all due caution. One of the benefits of being wired for polyamory is that I can consider other potential candidates for mates while being happily and unrequitedly and most faithfully in love with Darkside.
However, my systems return a Relationship Depth Meter Warning whenever I reach the level I'm comfortable being at with most people, and in most cases, I hit that soon after I meet them. I may know people for years and only get so emotionally intimate with them, never any more. This warning system of mine is a good thing, and is based on all my experience with people over the years, plus a few subconscious / 5 + nth sense things.
From time to time, I have told people about my Relationship Depth Meter warnings, usually in the form of, "_____'s a nice person, but I know them as well as I'll ever need to know them, and I can tell you now that they and I won't work out."
The usual response to that is, "You just aren't giving them a chance! You never give anyone a chance!", or variants on the theme.
Several times, I have yielded to those "Aww, give them a chance" voices, and went ahead, ignored my own warning system, and got further-entangled with someone who my instincts were telling me to avoid getting further-involved with. My instincts were, of course, correct. I've made it a policy to listen to that, now, because it's probably got a reason.
In the face of that "You're not giving them a chance!" statement, my answer should always be, "I did give them a chance. They failed to make it to the next level."
It's not required that someone who might form a bond closer than the one I have with Darkside form that bond with me immediately. It is required that they not flunk any trustworthiness, vibe, or compatibility screenings.
(A sample compatibility screening, answers, and scores: "I'm a witch."
a) "You're going to Hell!" = Flunk
b) "Does that mean you worship Satan?" = engage Information Module, Cluefulness Screening; grade to be administered at the end of that.
c) "That's interesting." / "Oh." = Neutral, pending more response.
d) "That's interesting; what kind of witch?" = engage Information, Cluefulness, perhaps actual discussion; provisional pass pending attitude check
e) "Okay by me." = Pass
f) "Cool, so am I." = Pass; further trustworthiness/cluefulness screenings.
g) "That's so neat!! Could you do a spell for me/help me with a spell?" = Pass 'tolerance of witch' check; provisional fail 'colleague' check; further screening on the "help me with a spell" subgroup on the 'colleague' thing, among others.
h) "Oh, wow! I've read all of Silver Ravenwolf's books, but you're the first real witch I've ever met!!!" = Flunk 'S RW Fangirl' check BADLY; possible flunk of 'useful human being' check.
i) "You're a witch? I'm a Secret High Master of Implausibility, and I will expertly probe you with questions to see if you're as pretensious as we are." = FLUNK)
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no subject
Wild guess, those are all real responses?
(here's one for you: I would have no response. I view the statement "I'm a witch" about the same way as I view "I'm left-handed", "The sky is blue", or "I really like Cheetos" . . . it just blends in with a lot of other people I know who can say the same thing)
oo!
no subject
I suppose I also missed putting up the response "Oh, really? [launch into war story of some wizardry or other]", which is a Pass, generally with flying colours, and a direct redirect to the colleague screening.
Re: oo!
no subject
Else I'd say "Test me! Test me!".
OK, so I know I fail the "located near enough geographically to bother with" test.
no subject
Yeah, many of these do require geographic closeness, and/or meeting in person to carry out.
Your level test = intuition
Trust your feelings, Luke. :)
no subject