Sleep, lack thereof

[azurelunatic]

Have been up a while.

Took a pill.

Will soon crash.

Have been reading. Have a passage picked out to type up, that's marked; iroshi was never able to wade through the book, but Cyteen has some remarkably good descriptions of what it's like to have your shields go down utterly, and what it must be like for people who are less able to screen inputs when same happens than I am.

Comments

[boojum.livejournal.com]

The sorcery class that I've finally given up on annoyed me on this -- I have inhibitions and mental guards that are useful. If I took them down, I'd have even more problems with getting into mental tailspins over slight annoyances, which would probably make me wholly disfunctional.

I don't remember where it is in Cyteen -- when you've got it typed up, please share?

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

I have too waded through the book. Several times, even. It's more interesting the second and third time, actually.

[azurelunatic]

Ah.

I thought it had been you who'd said "Bah!" after the first hundred or so pages going nowhere.

I was addicted to it around fourteen-ish.

[azurelunatic]

Erm. Fourteen in age.

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

Oh, I did stop about halfway through the first time. But that was when I was like 12.

[azurelunatic]

Ah. That hadn't come through clearly on the first round.

The description of an azi freaking out and being unable to filter stimuli -- hell, the description of azi as being with logic function on the bottom, black and white, true and false, all reminded me of you.

When an azi stops having fun...

[azurelunatic]

From page 144 in the bigass paperback --

...a socialized azi's emotional defenses are generally as strong as any citizen's, an azi's psychset is not built by experience, but by instruction, and the defenses are not a network of social reliances as they are in a normal human mind. An azi who feels that shield weakened is vulnerable to everyone around him. He has entered something very like a cataphoric-induced learning-state, in which he is less and less capable of rejecting stimuli that impinge on him. The result is very like taking a cataphoric in a crowded room, intensely uncomfortable for the azi and potentially damaging.

And this, from what Ro described, is very like Asperger's.

[azurelunatic]

I have the passage typed up above for you now. It sounded to me, when I read it, very much like how you describe the bad days.