azurelunatic | the fuck.

Skip to Main Content

Current Mood: angry
Current Music: (and deliberately drinking booze, locked in my room)

the fuck.

You don't ask a kid whether they want to do something or not, and then give them a guilt trip for giving you their answer.

If a response is unacceptable, you shouldn't offer it as a choice.

I don't like the way he keeps "testing" him.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

What's the point of asking the question if the answer isn't acceptable?

I've had to deal with this due to being a hug slut. I ask people if they want a hug. If they say no, they seem surprised that I just go "Okay". I then ask what the point of asking the question if the answer can't be "No."? It seems that some people get offended if when they ask for a hug it's been denying. What idiots.

GRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr.

My mother did that.

You could always tell him that, and then tell him that the last time I saw her face was 12 years ago and I'm really happy about that fact...

And the topping? It was an OPINION question.

Thats bloddy stupid. Thats teaching the kid its wrong to speak his own mind. Its discouraging honesty.

If kids are afraid to offer you the possibly wrong answer to a question, they learn to not question you at all in return. Maybe this is the effect the culprit was going for? Because living in fear is so good for kids. *glares*

I think the intended effect is to mold him into the kind of kid who can parrot back the answer the adult is looking for, without actually sharing any of his own actual emotional state or opinion.

*growl*

I knwo that's probably not what the ACTUAL intent is, but that's by god going to be the RESULT from that conditioning.

Whazzname's azi were conditioned to give the answer the researcher favored. Emory asked her azi what was up. Emory was right. Bah.

*snarls and shows teeth* That is so bad, horrible and disgusting that it makes me angry. Who does that shit think he is, undoing your hard work on that kid by trying to turn him into a goddamn talking doll that'll parrot back answers? Fuck, if I was there, I'd be screaming at the guy right now.

(text on my icon is directed towards the idiot guy, BTW)

Could it be a direct/indirect communications thing? "Could you take out the garbage?" vs "Please take out the garbage." I find it much easier to have "person X likes direct communication" modify my behavior than to have "person X doesn't like it when I say 'Could you do Y?' and mean 'Please do Y' or 'Please enter into a negotiation with me on Y'" modify my behavior. I can get a mental grip on the former much more easily.

It's worth at least mentioning to Marx, at least.

Sadly, it wasn't that obscure.

It was like so:

"Do you want to go to the park or not?"
"Not."
Commence probing on the part of the grown-up to reveal that actually, the kid does not in fact want to go to the park.
Commence guilt trip, heavy, in the form of "Your mom is only home today, and she really wanted to go to the park, and you are selfish and only thinking about you and not thinking about her. And you want to stay home from the park, but what about her?"
"..."
"Huh? What about her?"
"...Okay. I'll go to the park. I want to go to the park."

Then, of course, I'm not perfect either.

*sigh*

Neither of us can stand the other's parenting styles. I'm evidently conditioning him like an animal, so he'll just react instead of thinking about what he has to do and understanding it. (Then, I generally make sure he understands what it is he's learning to do beforehand, and then we *practice* it. But I guess that hasn't been explained loudly enough at him.)

No one is perfect, but that parenting style is just bad. I like your style. I think it makes lots of sense.

I was lucky enough to have two good parenting role models who realized and worked to correct their flaws.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only