Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-02-08 02:31 am
azurelunatic) wrote2002-02-08 02:31 am
insomnia, continued
This just sucks. I know I've pissed Adam off.
Not crying, though. I've cried twice in the past two months or so, first from being very drunk and getting into an argument and being in the wrong and realizing it and then realizing why it was an issue and cursing at all buttheaded emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually abusive males in the world; second, from Darkside's not giving me his fucking AIM screen name. Why that should matter I haven't the foggiest. (I just want to be able to get in touch with him, dammit, and all those years of not being able to keep in touch with friends has made him too elusive to keep many friends...)
I'm too clingy, too grabby, too needy, and Adam and Darkside both see it. I want to collect men and keep them by my side to protect me and take care of me for always. If Adam had been a woman and I'd kept a harem, I'd have put him in my harem at once and knocked him up, and snagged Darkside for my harem too, but not touched him, just wooed him gently with fruit and wine and really bad puns and good anime until he finally caved in.
Why?
I'm insecure, neurotic, weird, worried...
hell.
I'm going to bed. If I don't wake up when he knocks, he can call from his cellphone and wake one of us, either me or Votania, up.
I've told him before that I can't get to sleep until he goes to bed. This time I think he finally heard me.
Not crying, though. I've cried twice in the past two months or so, first from being very drunk and getting into an argument and being in the wrong and realizing it and then realizing why it was an issue and cursing at all buttheaded emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually abusive males in the world; second, from Darkside's not giving me his fucking AIM screen name. Why that should matter I haven't the foggiest. (I just want to be able to get in touch with him, dammit, and all those years of not being able to keep in touch with friends has made him too elusive to keep many friends...)
I'm too clingy, too grabby, too needy, and Adam and Darkside both see it. I want to collect men and keep them by my side to protect me and take care of me for always. If Adam had been a woman and I'd kept a harem, I'd have put him in my harem at once and knocked him up, and snagged Darkside for my harem too, but not touched him, just wooed him gently with fruit and wine and really bad puns and good anime until he finally caved in.
Why?
I'm insecure, neurotic, weird, worried...
hell.
I'm going to bed. If I don't wake up when he knocks, he can call from his cellphone and wake one of us, either me or Votania, up.
I've told him before that I can't get to sleep until he goes to bed. This time I think he finally heard me.
no subject
no subject