Time

[azurelunatic]

I hadn't realized that this pinkest of holidays was approaching until I pulled on a pink shirt (it was clean, I hadn't worn it in a while) and got comments about it at work in the context of the approaching Day of Gratuitous Luuuuurve.

The holiday is leaving me cold this year. I'm not getting all mushy over a romantic relationship that I really don't have as such, and I'm not angsting after what I don't need. I'm not getting hostile over people who need a jolt to get them out of their romantic rut, or the people trying to make a buck or three off people who need that external prompting to get them to express how they feel.

I know things will knock me back into the stream of proper time, but I feel outside of it right now. There's all this life going on, and I'm in my own little world, well-insulated from really caring about the things that the other people of my generation are getting all excited or bothered about.

Part of it's work. I know that I'm alien to my co-workers, but that doesn't bother me. I'm not as alien as I thought to the people who do matter. I'm not sure if I want to go out into the world when I have such a nice slice of Underhill in my mind. Is it possible to become ageless when you have no children around to remind you of how old you're getting?

The weeks seem short when you go to work on Friday, work all weekend, and then Monday night, won't have to work again until Friday. Never mind that you pulled a thirteen-hour shift...

Comments

[smmc.livejournal.com]

It is possible. To become ageless for a time without children (yours or friends) to remind you of the real passage of time. I remember feeling that way off and on throughout my 20's, but it was always a passing thing.

Now it's even more fleeting. I miss it. And I envy you that feeling. :)

[nalidoll.livejournal.com]

just a random note...

i love that song with a deep and abiding tingly-ness.

[azurelunatic]

Relative age amuses me, because by comparison with my parents and when they had kids, I'm 15 to 20 years too young to be an adult to the Little Fayoumis, yet I'm one of the grown-ups he's been raised around. So I'm an adult at least ten years early. (My mom didn't have me until she was 30, and I wandered into the LF's life when I was 20.)

And then at work, one of the usual bosses is probably slightly younger than my father, so I see him as a relatively young man, even though he's probably 50. And I know that he's got to see me as a mere kid, because I can't be more than half his age. And yet the phone goons look at me like I'm about 5 years older than I am.

Age is fluid.

I still see myself as about 11, because that's when I first started keeping a journal and saving my brainspace to re-load as necessary.

[azurelunatic]

That was one of the songs I was introduced to by virtue of my late membership in my dorm's Insomniac Music Video Club. The CD was immediately on my list of things to buy. Talvin Singh's "OK" affected me that way too.