Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2005-06-24 02:54 am
azurelunatic) wrote2005-06-24 02:54 am
"t3h s3xx0rs"
In the not-too-distant past, an acquaintance told me that if they'd opened up the boggart closet in the 3rd Harry Potter adventure, an exact duplicate of themselves would have come up and stood there grinning at them.
What does it say about a person when the thing they fear the most is being faced with someone with their own ethics, their own capabilities, their own mind, and the ability to read them down to the last twitch and blink?
I used to know that if I were to encounter an exact duplicate of myself, we had better get along and become immediate close friends, because otherwise, we'd be the worst of mortal enemies, because we'd know each other, and we couldn't stand each other in the slightest.
I have the capacity to be amazingly emotionally closed if I've decided, or something has decided for me, that a friendship or a relationship is over. It's a safeguard that's distinctly alarming when seen up close, and distinctly painful for anyone on the wrong side of that. My exact duplicate would have that capability as well, and if we decided that we were a liability to each other, we'd become dangerous. I was always wary of myself for this reason. I had several emotional habits that I disliked, but I had no idea how to fix myself.
Flash forward to the post-Darkside era. Unexpectedly, in one of those odd twists of fate, I saw myself in a soul-mirror. I didn't know who I was looking at, at first. She was a young woman, a charming person, very friendly, very open, very loving, very gentle, and overwhelmingly sexy. She pushed all my buttons. She was everything I'd wanted in a partner.
She was me.
What does it say about a person when the thing they fear the most is being faced with someone with their own ethics, their own capabilities, their own mind, and the ability to read them down to the last twitch and blink?
I used to know that if I were to encounter an exact duplicate of myself, we had better get along and become immediate close friends, because otherwise, we'd be the worst of mortal enemies, because we'd know each other, and we couldn't stand each other in the slightest.
I have the capacity to be amazingly emotionally closed if I've decided, or something has decided for me, that a friendship or a relationship is over. It's a safeguard that's distinctly alarming when seen up close, and distinctly painful for anyone on the wrong side of that. My exact duplicate would have that capability as well, and if we decided that we were a liability to each other, we'd become dangerous. I was always wary of myself for this reason. I had several emotional habits that I disliked, but I had no idea how to fix myself.
Flash forward to the post-Darkside era. Unexpectedly, in one of those odd twists of fate, I saw myself in a soul-mirror. I didn't know who I was looking at, at first. She was a young woman, a charming person, very friendly, very open, very loving, very gentle, and overwhelmingly sexy. She pushed all my buttons. She was everything I'd wanted in a partner.
She was me.
no subject
Oh hell yes. Your assessment is right on target, in my very humble opinion. ;)
John tends to tease me about liking girls who look like me, because on some level, I want to have sex with myself. There is some grain of truth in that. I think if I met me, I would like me, and I would definitely be attracted to me.
John also tells me that the rest of the world doesn't think I'm unbearably ugly. How do I manage to think two things so opposite at the exact same time?
I recall one incident when my manager (female, and not current) was doing introductions of the whole department to somebody-or-other and introduced me as "our pretty E--". I'm still a bit in shock over that, I think.
no subject
Why is it that I like myself better in other people than I do in myself?