Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-03-06 11:36 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2002-03-06 11:36 pm
Oh boy. Delicious.
Guess who's spending the night with V*? Creep. I hung up on him.
I hate it when he shows so little consideration for my feelings. He knows how much this bothers me. I don't know why, exactly. The last time I think I felt a negative emotion towards another woman so strongly, it was to That Idiot Shawn's future wife. ...From what I hear now, the woman's making a lovely mess out of her life, which of course splashes over onto her husband, but more importantly, is apparently affecting her baby daughter severely....
...It's got to be just jealousy. It has to be. The alternative is uncontemplatable. I cannot do that to Votania or Nephew, never mind what it'll do to Darkside. I cannot allow this to happen to me.
The last time I was upset to this degree, it took nine months for me to even figure out how deep I was in. The moment I figured out how bad my depression was, I grabbed my phone as a lifeline and started trying to call friends to find someone to help me lift myself out.
I don't remember how many numbers I tried, or how many times I tried them, or who let me slip through their fingers as I sank. Cold and dark, pressing down on my lungs... Finally River answered, and I talked to him, and I talked to him, and I cried at him, and I let myself cry.
I don't know if I'd be here today if River hadn't caught me.
I hate it when he shows so little consideration for my feelings. He knows how much this bothers me. I don't know why, exactly. The last time I think I felt a negative emotion towards another woman so strongly, it was to That Idiot Shawn's future wife. ...From what I hear now, the woman's making a lovely mess out of her life, which of course splashes over onto her husband, but more importantly, is apparently affecting her baby daughter severely....
...It's got to be just jealousy. It has to be. The alternative is uncontemplatable. I cannot do that to Votania or Nephew, never mind what it'll do to Darkside. I cannot allow this to happen to me.
The last time I was upset to this degree, it took nine months for me to even figure out how deep I was in. The moment I figured out how bad my depression was, I grabbed my phone as a lifeline and started trying to call friends to find someone to help me lift myself out.
I don't remember how many numbers I tried, or how many times I tried them, or who let me slip through their fingers as I sank. Cold and dark, pressing down on my lungs... Finally River answered, and I talked to him, and I talked to him, and I cried at him, and I let myself cry.
I don't know if I'd be here today if River hadn't caught me.
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