Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-04-22 09:30 am
azurelunatic) wrote2002-04-22 09:30 am
Insubordination
In terms of dominant/submissive, I am a switch.
Some people bring out the dominant side of me. Adam does. I enjoy tickling him and being able to occasionally pick him up and drag him to bed. Even though I have no actual control over him in our relationship, I am usually the one to initiate lovemaking, to bring up a discussion of the state of our relationship. R. brought out the dominant in me very, very strongly. I had my way with him, and he didn't argue with me. BJ brought out the dominant in me. As I evidently brought out the dominant in him, there were clashes. He's ordinarily a sub.
I am more comfortable being submissive. In most of my daily relationships, I go along with other people providing direction, given that it's where I'm going. Instead of taking the wheel myself, I pick a bus to hop on. It's only rarely that I am the one to put a movie in the VCR of my own accord. Someone else will decide to watch a movie, and I may or may not participate. Votania is a very strong dominant, and most of her tastes coincide with mine well enough that I either like her style or am indifferent. I am the Ivan to her Miles, but more the Ivan of A Civil Campaign, the quieter one preferring to take a less visible stance for safety reasons.
I do have a will of my own, a very strong one. When Votania and I clash on something, sparks fly, because neither she nor I bend easily when it's a matter our mind is set on.
I was exceptionally submissive in my relationship with Shawn. DC said that when she first met us, she thought, "Oh, it's the gay guy and his guardian angel." He was the leader. I walked at his right hand and a pace behind. Anything he did, I had to be okay with. If I wasn't, he wouldn't talk to me.
Of all the men I've loved, my relationship with Darkside is perhaps the most equal relationship I've ever had. Neither one of us is in a position of control over the other. He doesn't boss me around; I don't control him. Perhaps because of this, I am willing to allow him to be dominant of me. When he orders me to go to bed, to sleep, and states it as an explicit order, I follow it. When I'm relaxing near him, I am often willing to let him drive the conversation, and my body language reflects that. It goes somewhat deeper than that as well....
Some people bring out the dominant side of me. Adam does. I enjoy tickling him and being able to occasionally pick him up and drag him to bed. Even though I have no actual control over him in our relationship, I am usually the one to initiate lovemaking, to bring up a discussion of the state of our relationship. R. brought out the dominant in me very, very strongly. I had my way with him, and he didn't argue with me. BJ brought out the dominant in me. As I evidently brought out the dominant in him, there were clashes. He's ordinarily a sub.
I am more comfortable being submissive. In most of my daily relationships, I go along with other people providing direction, given that it's where I'm going. Instead of taking the wheel myself, I pick a bus to hop on. It's only rarely that I am the one to put a movie in the VCR of my own accord. Someone else will decide to watch a movie, and I may or may not participate. Votania is a very strong dominant, and most of her tastes coincide with mine well enough that I either like her style or am indifferent. I am the Ivan to her Miles, but more the Ivan of A Civil Campaign, the quieter one preferring to take a less visible stance for safety reasons.
I do have a will of my own, a very strong one. When Votania and I clash on something, sparks fly, because neither she nor I bend easily when it's a matter our mind is set on.
I was exceptionally submissive in my relationship with Shawn. DC said that when she first met us, she thought, "Oh, it's the gay guy and his guardian angel." He was the leader. I walked at his right hand and a pace behind. Anything he did, I had to be okay with. If I wasn't, he wouldn't talk to me.
Of all the men I've loved, my relationship with Darkside is perhaps the most equal relationship I've ever had. Neither one of us is in a position of control over the other. He doesn't boss me around; I don't control him. Perhaps because of this, I am willing to allow him to be dominant of me. When he orders me to go to bed, to sleep, and states it as an explicit order, I follow it. When I'm relaxing near him, I am often willing to let him drive the conversation, and my body language reflects that. It goes somewhat deeper than that as well....
no subject
Like you, I've had a submissive relationship that wasn't healthy. I've also had submissive relationships that ARE, from both sides of the fence (where I'm the dominant or the submissive...the only thing is I can't be dominant sexually, but the relationships wherein I'm dominant aren't sexual ones.)
no subject
Healing, too, to be able to take orders after Shawn.