Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2012-02-06 04:21 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2012-02-06 04:21 pm
Entry tags:
Oi, UK Cambridge University folks -- report of staff wildly unhelpful in rape report
The following involves a third-party report of a rape, general details of the rape, and victim-blaming and general unhelpfulness from staff. Mention of unrelated physical threats as an example. Details have a nested cut.
A person I know has reason to believe that a person they are acquainted with raped a third party. My friend does not know the third party's actual identity, and has reason to think both that the third party was traumatized by the events, and that the third party may not think of what happened to her as rape. For various reasons, my friend decided that it would probably not be a good idea to attempt to find the identity of the third party, much less contact her in person to offer support. My friend is taking appropriate measures in their own contact with this guy.
There was some sort of party. The woman was drinking, and appeared to be more drunk than the man, and would not have been in a position to consent even if she had tried to. He tried to negotiate consent regardless. She in fact was uncommunicative. They had no prior sexual relationship. The rapist appears to be aware that he made poor choices, but denies that the alcohol had any effects on his judgment. He also has a history of making "pressuring" advances on people he fancies, and not particularly considering the idea that people he fancies may not reciprocate.
Since she was uncommunicative, there is at least the slight chance that she both would have consented if sober, and/or that she did not suffer any trauma from the experience. However, the rumor mill says she is reporting the experience as "BAD", and wants no further contact with him. Even if she is perfectly fine, that still does not make his contribution to the situation okay, since he was educated enough to have known better and went through with having sex with her anyway.
He is now flailing around sounding guilty, which is plus one for after-the-fact awareness, and minus NINE BILLION for rape. Most saliently, his guilty flailings were made through a medium that is not half so impermanent as he would probably like it to be, and my friend now has evidence that could be used if the woman decides to come forth and take action against her rapist.
My friend decided that they could at least talk to a university staff member and see what, if anything, could be done, and let it be known that they possess evidence that might be helpful to the woman in the event that the woman makes a complaint against this man.
Unfortunately, the staff member that my friend spoke with was the opposite of helpful, and served up victim-blaming with a side of misandry:
a) she shouldn't have been drinking
b) was she even a virgin
c) this is how heterosexual people have sex
d) in any case if he used a condom she won't get pregnant or get an STI
e) this is none of your business, you weren't hurt and anyway you're taking time off from your studies
Some of these were explicitly said, and some were conveyed in attitude. My friend is very discouraged by this.
a) People drink. He shouldn't have been raping.
b) Her virginity status is not relevant. Her lack of consent is relevant.
c) No. Men manage to navigate consensual sex and relationships all the time.
c.i) He didn't receive her consent even though he asked for it
c.ii) Even if she had indicated consent (which she didn't), she was too drunk to give meaningful consent
c.iii) If he was educated enough to know he needed to negotiate consent, he should have known that lack of consent is lack of consent
c.iv) People can react differently in a moment of crisis than they do otherwise, especially when in a chemically altered state -- I personally would have reported myself as "emotionally fine" and even appearing cheerful while I was ordered out of an acquaintance's house at gunpoint; it was only after the fact that it sunk in that my friends and I had been held at gunpoint. I was very much not emotionally okay after the fact. Her not appearing to be upset at the time has no relationship to whether she is okay now.
d) While it's less bad than it could be, it's still not good and it's not appropriate to dismiss the possible long-term consequences from the general trauma of getting raped
d.i) condoms can fail, especially if they're not used properly, which chance increases in the event of DRUNKENNESS
d.ii) condoms are a limited barrier, and close skin contact from the bits that aren't covered by a condom can still spread an STI
e) if you have knowledge of a crime, it is an act of responsibility and good citizenship to report it
e.i) as a student, it is helpful to be able to feel secure in reporting a rape, even if it's not your own, and having it brushed off is discouraging
e.ii) this sort of treatment could affect a student's decision to return to their studies, if this is how a report of rape is treated
There may not be anything that the university or the law can do for this particular woman (or against this particular man) unless she steps forward on her own to report this as rape, but the general situation can and should be improved.
This sort of response to a report of a rape from a staff member is bad. If this was the response of the staff member most likely to respond helpfully, then the responses of the other staff are likely to be less encouraging. Thus, all staff members desperately need training in how to respond to a student reporting either that they have been raped, or that another party has been raped. It is the sort of scenario that should be a part of a university staff's training. A dismissive response sends a message to rapists that they can get away with their bad behavior, and sends a message to victims/survivors and bystanders that they should not report rape as their report will be dismissed.
My friend is not in a position to lead a crusade for an improvement on this front, but this is the sort of thing where other people may be able to usefully speak with staff about the way they would respond if presented with this situation, and open a dialogue with the university about better training for the whole staff.
A person I know has reason to believe that a person they are acquainted with raped a third party. My friend does not know the third party's actual identity, and has reason to think both that the third party was traumatized by the events, and that the third party may not think of what happened to her as rape. For various reasons, my friend decided that it would probably not be a good idea to attempt to find the identity of the third party, much less contact her in person to offer support. My friend is taking appropriate measures in their own contact with this guy.
There was some sort of party. The woman was drinking, and appeared to be more drunk than the man, and would not have been in a position to consent even if she had tried to. He tried to negotiate consent regardless. She in fact was uncommunicative. They had no prior sexual relationship. The rapist appears to be aware that he made poor choices, but denies that the alcohol had any effects on his judgment. He also has a history of making "pressuring" advances on people he fancies, and not particularly considering the idea that people he fancies may not reciprocate.
Since she was uncommunicative, there is at least the slight chance that she both would have consented if sober, and/or that she did not suffer any trauma from the experience. However, the rumor mill says she is reporting the experience as "BAD", and wants no further contact with him. Even if she is perfectly fine, that still does not make his contribution to the situation okay, since he was educated enough to have known better and went through with having sex with her anyway.
He is now flailing around sounding guilty, which is plus one for after-the-fact awareness, and minus NINE BILLION for rape. Most saliently, his guilty flailings were made through a medium that is not half so impermanent as he would probably like it to be, and my friend now has evidence that could be used if the woman decides to come forth and take action against her rapist.
My friend decided that they could at least talk to a university staff member and see what, if anything, could be done, and let it be known that they possess evidence that might be helpful to the woman in the event that the woman makes a complaint against this man.
Unfortunately, the staff member that my friend spoke with was the opposite of helpful, and served up victim-blaming with a side of misandry:
a) she shouldn't have been drinking
b) was she even a virgin
c) this is how heterosexual people have sex
d) in any case if he used a condom she won't get pregnant or get an STI
e) this is none of your business, you weren't hurt and anyway you're taking time off from your studies
Some of these were explicitly said, and some were conveyed in attitude. My friend is very discouraged by this.
a) People drink. He shouldn't have been raping.
b) Her virginity status is not relevant. Her lack of consent is relevant.
c) No. Men manage to navigate consensual sex and relationships all the time.
c.i) He didn't receive her consent even though he asked for it
c.ii) Even if she had indicated consent (which she didn't), she was too drunk to give meaningful consent
c.iii) If he was educated enough to know he needed to negotiate consent, he should have known that lack of consent is lack of consent
c.iv) People can react differently in a moment of crisis than they do otherwise, especially when in a chemically altered state -- I personally would have reported myself as "emotionally fine" and even appearing cheerful while I was ordered out of an acquaintance's house at gunpoint; it was only after the fact that it sunk in that my friends and I had been held at gunpoint. I was very much not emotionally okay after the fact. Her not appearing to be upset at the time has no relationship to whether she is okay now.
d) While it's less bad than it could be, it's still not good and it's not appropriate to dismiss the possible long-term consequences from the general trauma of getting raped
d.i) condoms can fail, especially if they're not used properly, which chance increases in the event of DRUNKENNESS
d.ii) condoms are a limited barrier, and close skin contact from the bits that aren't covered by a condom can still spread an STI
e) if you have knowledge of a crime, it is an act of responsibility and good citizenship to report it
e.i) as a student, it is helpful to be able to feel secure in reporting a rape, even if it's not your own, and having it brushed off is discouraging
e.ii) this sort of treatment could affect a student's decision to return to their studies, if this is how a report of rape is treated
There may not be anything that the university or the law can do for this particular woman (or against this particular man) unless she steps forward on her own to report this as rape, but the general situation can and should be improved.
This sort of response to a report of a rape from a staff member is bad. If this was the response of the staff member most likely to respond helpfully, then the responses of the other staff are likely to be less encouraging. Thus, all staff members desperately need training in how to respond to a student reporting either that they have been raped, or that another party has been raped. It is the sort of scenario that should be a part of a university staff's training. A dismissive response sends a message to rapists that they can get away with their bad behavior, and sends a message to victims/survivors and bystanders that they should not report rape as their report will be dismissed.
My friend is not in a position to lead a crusade for an improvement on this front, but this is the sort of thing where other people may be able to usefully speak with staff about the way they would respond if presented with this situation, and open a dialogue with the university about better training for the whole staff.
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