Things Azz is not allowed to do as a virtual minion (part 2)

[azurelunatic]

Part 1

Unlike Skippy, again, many of these are not directly to or because of me, and may not have been from an actual order or rule.

23. Not allowed to speak to securities analysts, investors, reporters, news media, governmental authorities, outside attorneys, or anyone's human resources department (except ours).


24. When I say "the dogfood is full of bees", this means that the company-made product which I am using can be inconvenient and/or not fully fixed yet, not literal dogfood full of literal bees.


25. Good idea: bonding between manager and managee. (Is that even a word? I don't think that's a word.) Perhaps slightly less of a good idea: the "How do you get the glitter on your nail polish so even?" conversation during the weekly 1:1 meeting. (For the record: multiple thin coats, and swiping a little extra in places that look thin. Also, using multiple kinds of glitter polish and a top coat.)


26. Should not take home the workplace cold.


27. Never hit certain intersections near work at 9am. Ever.


28. Should avoid situations leading to any of the Action Verbs To Avoid When Writing Your CV appearing in starring roles when applying to future jobs


29. Should avoid storing bulky items in my work cube.


30. Should not use outdated versions of the company logo on any of the things.


31. Must be responsible when using other people's logins for things.


32. That is a common last name; avoid asking really awkward questions about whether one's co-worker is related to someone you know. (Ask the person you know whether their relative works with you, instead. It's still nosy and awkward, but at least it's with a friend.)


33. With great numbers of highlighters, pens, and markers comes great responsibility.


34. It may be okay to call the binder of All The Information "Sam's Binder", but just try explaining that one to your manager.


35. "Because of reasons" is not actually an effective way to explain that to your manager.


36. The phrase "vigorously prodded" has limited application in the workplace.


37. Software that requires vigorous prodding may require replacement or repair.


38. If you're going to pun, you might as well make it good. Or really bad.

Part 3