Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2013-10-10 11:31 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2013-10-10 11:31 pm
Entry tags:
Car, redux
Well fuckity-darn. I was at work and then I was headed out from work and I was headed for the car to go home and he wouldn't turn over. So after a good few goes I ran back upstairs to double-check the spreadsheet I made of the last possible transit connection home. Thankfully I was okay. I headed for the bus stop in quite a state. Fortunately I was generally prepared with a nice full iPod. I've been listening to podcasts. I sort of went through iTunes and picked up several.
I got home okay. The thought of waking up a fuck o'clock again tomorrow fills me with great resignation and woe (at least the couch in the quiet room is cozy and if I get desperate for sleep I can nap there) and I'm just hoping that a jumpstart from security will get me and Vash on the road so I can drop him off again at the mechanic.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I don't want to have to get another car; I don't want another car's stupid quirks; I don't want another car payment; I am terrified about whether I'd be able to get a car loan at all; I'm still terrified that my apartment complex will jack rent up by another $100 this year; if they're going to keep doing that like they've been doing I'll have to move but --
It could always be worse, but I'm not excessively calm about the current situation.
(I want something sensible and modern and electric. I want a car that fits in tiny spaces. I also want to be able to haul around cargo and people. I want a commute that doesn't suck. I want a better connection to Caltrain on the home end. I want public transit that doesn't hate my body. I want so many things, so many things just for myself, and apparently tonight I'm yelling about them on the internet.)
At least I've been leveling up my stamina. A year ago, this week would have about killed me. I'd have been in serious pain the day after taking the bus commute, let alone two days of transit both ways, and then a second-Thursday capped off by a bus ride home and then a bus ride to work on Friday.
(I'm terrified that if things go very badly wrong, I could miss the open enrollment window for health care that won't leave me to die if something happens, just because I prioritized getting my car fixed first. I know that I would be utterly boned without the various love and support that my family is giving me. I know that there are a lot of things in the past that I should have done differently, and a lot of things in the present that I could be doing differently. I know that when I am spending eight hours of my day commuting, I cannot do a lot of the things that would save me money; I know that if I sprang for the extra $8 and cut it down to 6 hours commuting, I would still be so tired and still trying to subsist on takeout and things that take less than five minutes to heat up from frozen. Can I even do this.)
It could be okay when I go to work tomorrow. A jump might get him running and I can park him with the mechanic and they might notice something quick and stupid and cheap. It could be okay.
I got home okay. The thought of waking up a fuck o'clock again tomorrow fills me with great resignation and woe (at least the couch in the quiet room is cozy and if I get desperate for sleep I can nap there) and I'm just hoping that a jumpstart from security will get me and Vash on the road so I can drop him off again at the mechanic.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I don't want to have to get another car; I don't want another car's stupid quirks; I don't want another car payment; I am terrified about whether I'd be able to get a car loan at all; I'm still terrified that my apartment complex will jack rent up by another $100 this year; if they're going to keep doing that like they've been doing I'll have to move but --
It could always be worse, but I'm not excessively calm about the current situation.
(I want something sensible and modern and electric. I want a car that fits in tiny spaces. I also want to be able to haul around cargo and people. I want a commute that doesn't suck. I want a better connection to Caltrain on the home end. I want public transit that doesn't hate my body. I want so many things, so many things just for myself, and apparently tonight I'm yelling about them on the internet.)
At least I've been leveling up my stamina. A year ago, this week would have about killed me. I'd have been in serious pain the day after taking the bus commute, let alone two days of transit both ways, and then a second-Thursday capped off by a bus ride home and then a bus ride to work on Friday.
(I'm terrified that if things go very badly wrong, I could miss the open enrollment window for health care that won't leave me to die if something happens, just because I prioritized getting my car fixed first. I know that I would be utterly boned without the various love and support that my family is giving me. I know that there are a lot of things in the past that I should have done differently, and a lot of things in the present that I could be doing differently. I know that when I am spending eight hours of my day commuting, I cannot do a lot of the things that would save me money; I know that if I sprang for the extra $8 and cut it down to 6 hours commuting, I would still be so tired and still trying to subsist on takeout and things that take less than five minutes to heat up from frozen. Can I even do this.)
It could be okay when I go to work tomorrow. A jump might get him running and I can park him with the mechanic and they might notice something quick and stupid and cheap. It could be okay.