A conversation with a white, married-to-a-woman, technical man in the 35-45 age bracket, about names

[azurelunatic]

So I'd been having a great time talking to this guy's wife, who looks like the Bloggess (short, perky, cute), and then he comes over and joins the conversation.

Him: "What's your name?"
Me: *indicates name badge that all party attendees are wearing* "Azz."
Him: "What's that short for?"
Me: *indicates username on name badge* "Azure Lunatic."
Him: "But what's your real name?"
Me: "Azz."

(slightly awkward pause, in which I am smiling, sociably and toothily)

Me: "It's not the name I was born with; my parents gave me a perfectly serviceable name that saw me through school and stuff. And now I'm an adult, and I've got my own name."

The conversation moved on to other topics. I was deeply glad that I had gone over the things-I-might-say-in-the-event, because in the actual event, it just fell out of my mouth.

Comments

[siderea]

Please, oh please, oh please let him have been a Google employee.

[azurelunatic]

Sadly, I don't believe so.

I did have a good chat with some of those guys last year.

[siderea]

Well that's for the good.

Someone quite recently, elsejournal, informed me that they were suspended that very week for a name policy violation on G+.

[azurelunatic]

That's not good.

[emceeaich]

I need to practice that interaction:

"But what your *real* name?"

"Bob, that's the name she goes by to you."

"But that's not her real name!"

"She answers to that name, and that is feature complete for your use case of 'what are they called?'"

[azurelunatic]

Yep.

[mfb]

Ahhhhh this conversation.

To be fair, last time I had it, he didn't ask when the name on my birth cert was, just what it was, so technically, I told the truth. (My friend, much more on the ball, rightly told him it was none of his business.)

[azurelunatic]

Oh bleh, and hooray for your friend!

[mathsnerd]

Good on you for handling that so well. I distinguish quite sharply between $legalname and mathsie, to the point of not really responding to $legalname when it's used by someone who should be addressing me by mathsie. The brain really does separate out the two names.

And to imply that mathsie is any less a "real" name, just because it's not on my passport is, at best, ignorant and condescending. To say that I am being deceitful and trying to cheat people just because I choose to segment my online personality from my legal name, well, those people clearly never listened to any of the safety advice given to users of social networking sites back when the internet was started or the abbreviated version given out to youth today. Partly it's a security issue, partly it's just WHO THE FUCK I AM, tyvm.

[azurelunatic]

The flip side of the "of course you use a name that isn't your wallet name online" thing is, for those who don't believe it's a real name, they don't tend to believe that online interaction/an online personality is real either.

[mathsnerd]

Oh god, yes, this. So many people respond to hearing that I spend a huge portion of my time/friends-contact online with "So.... you read a lot of email?". *headdesk*

[alexwlchan]

Well done for handling it well; if I were you there would probably have been more sparks.

The policy “of course you use a name that isn’t your wallet name online” can, on some occasions, backfire to fun effect. I have had at least one conversation with somebody who assumed that my online handle is not my birth name (except it is), and proceeded to insist, despite my protests, that it wasn’t.

Hilarity ensues as they attempt to extract my already-known birth name and the enigmatic “wl”. (Admittedly that’s something that’s more prominent in my online identity than my birth name, but it still appears in both.)

And a separate question: do you yield a non-response in the other direction; that is, will you not respond to $onlinename when used by somebody who should be using $realname?

[amberfox]

My main in World of Warcraft has been Virtue for about 5 years. Back when I played EverQuest, it was Viviane. EQ didn't have voice chat, but I spend a fair amount of time on Vent for WoW, and I've gotten really good at answering to "V', which became entertaining when I got transferred to a store where there was someone working in my department named Vi. It took me weeks to stop turning around when people called her.

[azurelunatic]

When a stranger walks in the door, the cat hides.

[andrewducker]

Congrats!

(I also play conversations over in my head in advance, just in case. 95% of the time, unnecessarily, but sometimes it's very handy...)

[azurelunatic]

Amazingly, after having had to play conversations (for everything) in my head in advance throughout my childhood and teenage years, I've been able to speak spontaneously to people who are not my nearest-and-dearest, thanks to the internet.

[andrewducker]

The internet is truly a marvellous thing - I went through something similar thanks to a lot of BBS usage in the early 90s, and then usenet/mailing lists. It's amazing how much you learn from arguing (and discussing) things online.

Plus, it's good for grammar:
http://jpegy.com/lol/i-love-internet-improved-peoples-grammar-far-english-teacher-7957

[thousanth]

Nicely done! I wish I'd been that smooth in response to that query in the past.

[elf]

I have contemplated the legal-vs-personal name thing for a long time. Many Pagans take on a religious name; I've avoided doing the "meditation vision quest" thingie to find one, because as a devotee of Eris, I'm terrified that I'll come back with Drahgnn K'rystlSaung or something awful like that.

I alternate between legalname and elf, and that works nicely. Legalname does not (yet?) serve to indicate "this person is NOT MY FRIEND," but in another decade, it might.

I do sometimes wish I had a more solid not-wallet-name to use, and a bit more confidence (arrogance?) in personal encounters, so that when people ask "what's your real name?" I could answer "Oh, I never hand that out in public; you never know when demons are listening."

[majoline]

That is a brilliant comeback. I should use it.

[silveradept]

Well-handled, and glad that person wasn't a jerk about insisting on knowing your "real" name because they believed no other name was acceptable. The truth of the matter is, when you ask for a name, barring very specific circumstances, you should accept the name given. I don't understand why people think it's okay to be rude to someone and say their name isn't their name.

[azurelunatic]

Oh, no, he took it to "jerk". I just out-aggressed him, and didn't give in. It was not a super friendly smile.

[tim]

Nice. "Why do you want to know?" would also have been a good answer.

[majoline]

Gah, the name thing. In RL I always use my full first name. Considering I live in Mississippi though, lots of people always try to nickname me, despite me giving them my name and NO OPTION for a nick.

You were a lot more classy and smooth than I've been in that situation, that's for sure. Good on you.

[ravan]

Ah, yes, G+. They haven't given me any trouble over my name. Then again, it's a pseud I have been using on the net for longer than that company has existed, and I have stated such. There are literally people who have known me for decades whom don't know my wallet name, both IRL and on the net.

[nanila]

*applause* Nicely done.