Snappy retorts

[azurelunatic]

When someone overbearing declares that something or other must be "cleansed in the blood of Jee-sus Christ!" ....

...wonder aloud where one would find Him to sacrifice Him to get the blood.


Nothing like taking obnoxious people a little too literally.

Comments

[sithjawa.livejournal.com]

When I hear that, my first thought is lots and lots of wine. ("When will they figure out that Jesus and Bacchus are two different people?")

[azurelunatic]

When someone decides to hold a revel of Bacchus at a Catholic Mass?

[boojum.livejournal.com]

(mock innocently) "But blood stains!"

Or ask them if they're advocating blood magic. Or how much blood Jesus has, anyway. Even if you're taking a sponge bath, you'd still probably use up a quart or two, and the average adult human body has what, two gallons of blood?

Gah. Anemic Jesuses. Did I mention that Arlo, when his hair was a little shorter, was the living embodiment of many Protestant images of Jesus? This is all starting to tangle in my head very amusingly. Little stickers like the Red Cross gives people who donate: "Give blood; Jesus did". Jesus plays rugby? I need to stop free-associating now.

(Symbol-playing is fun, and almost always provides usefulness for me, even when it's in jest. This makes me wonder about myself occasionally.)

[azurelunatic]

So you'd really have to require that Jesus give blood as fast as it was physically safe for Him...

...Or else, bless a few Lambs of God, or a whole flock... sheep's blood can be a viable substitute, right?

(Steph and I are having fun on IM. To wit:

SithJawa: *ggl* "Could you lend me a Jesus? I'm all out of chickens."
SithJawa: There is such a thing as taking the "lamb of God" thing too far...
AzureLunatic: heh.
AzureLunatic: LJ user Ralmathon and I were chatting about that just now...
AzureLunatic: so, technically, if you run out of Jesus blood, you can bless a lamb and bleed that...
AzureLunatic: Heck, you could just bless a whole flock and be done with it.
AzureLunatic: Though I think it would be some sort of holy violation were you to use the blood from your dinner lamb chops as a substitute for Jesus blood, even after you blessed it.
SithJawa: You're only supposed to eat Jesus on Sundays!
AzureLunatic: ...I suppose He has to eat you the rest of the week?
AzureLunatic: Or else stick to other sexual forms?
SithJawa: *snerk*
SithJawa: Well, there is also the "no wasting semen" thinh
AzureLunatic: Right.

)