Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-11-05 11:13 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2002-11-05 11:13 pm
It feels so very good... (computers, empathy, introvert/extrovert)
...to stop needing to play at the guess-and-check that is my only way of working on Red, and to let trained professionals provide support over the Wired.
I can't tell you how much it feels better to know that I'm not the poor thing's last line of defense, and that I'm not the last line of defense between it and Votania... that's how I've been feeling. Since I can't help, I can only try and protect them from hurting each other too much, and that means I get hurt in the process...
I empathize with computers, with machinery. I can empathize with only a few humans, though I can fake it pretty well. Do I look like an introvert? I seem to fake extroversion fairly well, but I will curl up and have severe problems if I don't get the time by myself to recharge. It shouldn't be absolutely alone, though... I still like that Emily Dickenson poem best of all poems. Which is odd. I've never known myself to love a poem that much before.
I suppose I've figured out the difference between those people I count as being able to be alone with, and those I am always in company with, if I'm with them: it's those people who I can be silent with who I can be alone with. If I have to make active interaction with a person, I can never count myself 'alone'. If I can just be silent with someone, with no need for constant back-and-forth, I count myself as alone.
I can't tell you how much it feels better to know that I'm not the poor thing's last line of defense, and that I'm not the last line of defense between it and Votania... that's how I've been feeling. Since I can't help, I can only try and protect them from hurting each other too much, and that means I get hurt in the process...
I empathize with computers, with machinery. I can empathize with only a few humans, though I can fake it pretty well. Do I look like an introvert? I seem to fake extroversion fairly well, but I will curl up and have severe problems if I don't get the time by myself to recharge. It shouldn't be absolutely alone, though... I still like that Emily Dickenson poem best of all poems. Which is odd. I've never known myself to love a poem that much before.
I suppose I've figured out the difference between those people I count as being able to be alone with, and those I am always in company with, if I'm with them: it's those people who I can be silent with who I can be alone with. If I have to make active interaction with a person, I can never count myself 'alone'. If I can just be silent with someone, with no need for constant back-and-forth, I count myself as alone.