I've lost many a friendship in my day...and that's not how you do it. You would have to do something far worse (like endangering my sons life) to get me to end our friendship...fact is, your family, more so than most of my bio-relations...don't forget that. However, I am VERY pissed at you. I still can't believe that you knowingly and willingly brought up drama like that when there was no need to. We both understand the issue. We both understand it's a dead issue. There's no way either of us should ever bring it up or discuss it because the only thing that is going to occur from any discussion is stress and grief. Just like the pot issue...you know my standpoint, I know yours, I will never bring up the issue around you because the only thing we will do is fight and no one wins.
I've been pondering why the hell you brought it up to begin with? did things calm down so much that you needed to spice things up?
Mentally, ESPECIALLY right now, I can't handle such issues being brought up. I'm already unstable enough. I've been fighting a constant battle EVERY DAY just to keep my cool and to keep struggling for sanity, I'm in the ocean with no life preserver, learning how to swim to an island I see about 50 miles away (figuratively speaking of course)....
Last night, I'd finally made ground. I was finally starting to cheer up. I finally started getting up that mountain called Red I've been fighting with for the past few weeks, I'd almost gotten to taste that victory, I got some ME time where I'd listened to Rap which I've been denied for WAY to long. I was able to fumigate the house like I like to with so much incense the cat sneezed, I was finally able to RELAX...
is it just me, or everytime I finally get a moment something happens?
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Do not take offence, although I'm sure your going to be upset by all this. Some of it is my anger showing, some of it is my meager attempt at explaining my side of things.
What I need right now is the ability to heal. I need to come to terms with my internal demons, I need to keep fighting till I win, in whatever form it takes...I need to find peace, I need to make peace, and I can't do that with everyone giving me their drama to deal with as well as my own, it's going to make me break, and I can't have that. I can only deal with my own shit right now.
"you cannot help others until you can help your self"
I'm trying to help my self right now and I need my space to do it.
I have known for years that my timing sucks. I call Darkside when he's taking a nap, I call pyrogenic when he's trying to get it on, I ask my mom if she can give me a ride at the worst possible moment... this is only the latest instance of something where something that's been bothering me to actually get out in the open came out at the absolute wrong time. Again.
This was just worse than most.
Heh. I guess you are family, because that's the only logical way for family to get introduced to that particular aspect of me...
I never know how things are with you unless you tell me. I should have known that talking about anything heavy to you would not be a good move for the next six months... at least... add that to a nice long list of 'should have known's. This feeling is nothing new to me.
I simulate tact very well, but in all honesty, if you want me to say something, or not to say something, about anything, you've got to tell me. I have no sense of tact inborn. All my supposed skill of not saying what I'm not supposed to say is people warning me beforehand, and me shutting up and not saying anything, or me saying the wrong thing and getting slapped down.
speaking of bad timing...while Marxdarx and I were otherwise occupied yesterday, your dentist called...you need to call them back...sorry I forgot to tell you... I was...um...busy.
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azurelunatic) wrote2002-11-06 11:07 pm
friendships
I've been pondering why the hell you brought it up to begin with?
did things calm down so much that you needed to spice things up?
Mentally, ESPECIALLY right now, I can't handle such issues being brought up. I'm already unstable enough. I've been fighting a constant battle EVERY DAY just to keep my cool and to keep struggling for sanity, I'm in the ocean with no life preserver, learning how to swim to an island I see about 50 miles away (figuratively speaking of course)....
Last night, I'd finally made ground. I was finally starting to cheer up. I finally started getting up that mountain called Red I've been fighting with for the past few weeks, I'd almost gotten to taste that victory, I got some ME time where I'd listened to Rap which I've been denied for WAY to long. I was able to fumigate the house like I like to with so much incense the cat sneezed, I was finally able to RELAX...
is it just me, or everytime I finally get a moment something happens?
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!
Do not take offence, although I'm sure your going to be upset by all this. Some of it is my anger showing, some of it is my meager attempt at explaining my side of things.
What I need right now is the ability to heal. I need to come to terms with my internal demons, I need to keep fighting till I win, in whatever form it takes...I need to find peace, I need to make peace, and I can't do that with everyone giving me their drama to deal with as well as my own, it's going to make me break, and I can't have that. I can only deal with my own shit right now.
"you cannot help others until you can help your self"
I'm trying to help my self right now and I need my space to do it.
D.E.
Re: friendships
This was just worse than most.
Heh. I guess you are family, because that's the only logical way for family to get introduced to that particular aspect of me...
I never know how things are with you unless you tell me. I should have known that talking about anything heavy to you would not be a good move for the next six months... at least... add that to a nice long list of 'should have known's. This feeling is nothing new to me.
I simulate tact very well, but in all honesty, if you want me to say something, or not to say something, about anything, you've got to tell me. I have no sense of tact inborn. All my supposed skill of not saying what I'm not supposed to say is people warning me beforehand, and me shutting up and not saying anything, or me saying the wrong thing and getting slapped down.
I'm sorry. I can't tell you how much.
Re: friendships
speaking of bad timing...while Marxdarx and I were otherwise occupied yesterday, your dentist called...you need to call them back...sorry I forgot to tell you... I was...um...busy.
D.E.