Communication

[azurelunatic]

When one person doesn't communicate back to me, that gives me the feeling that I'm not worth spending the time to communicate with. Fucked-up, yeah. When someone doesn't want to hug me, that doesn't tell me that they've got issues about hugging, it says that I'm not worth hugging.

I tend to pile other people's problems upon myself, in addition to my own. Everybody else has things fairly well together. The only person with issues is me.

Shawn never had any problems, you see. I was the one who was terminally messed up.

Comments

hugs

[votania.livejournal.com]

anytime you wanna communicate you know where to find me...
you are worth spending time with.
you are worth hugging, When I'm not such a hermit that is.. sorry.

you already know that I'm an introvert, I don't do the human contact thing. Since dating MarxDarx I've had a hell of a time trying to adjust to TONS more contact than I can handle.
Between him and I we will have to find a happy medium, enough contact that won't drive me nuts, and enough that he won't feel rejected. In your case, I feel love for you as a sister and I try my best to show it. I guess lately I've been failing miserably. Sorry.

on another note: you have issues, I have issues, marxdarx has issues...the whole world has issues. EVERYONE is mentally fucked up. Frankly to state that above comment tells me you have it better held together than most, at least you recognise that you have issues.

Re: hugs

[azurelunatic]

Lately, you've been dealing with your issues, and haven't had the energy to go out of your way to be huggy with me, especially with Marx needing as much hugging as he does. It hasn't been you that I've noticed the biggest difference in, hugwise...

...and even Darkside, will admit, very quietly to me, what some of his issues are. He doesn't broadcast it, and he doesn't share it with many people, but he's lately felt almost comfortable enough to share with me. I compare him against Shawn, constantly, because the situation with him has the potential to become just as bad, should he ever choose to abuse his knowledge of me and my trust in him. So far, the worst problems have all been communication failures. The day I came home crying was a day when I stepped over a boundary of his wilfully, and got called on it, and knew I shouldn't have.

Re: hugs

[azurelunatic]

...and I've had more issues than usual lately, with my usual person to turn to not quite there. So naturally I'd be trying to rely on you more than usual, right when you need your space the most.

Interesting how it works, sometimes.

...I miss Marx.