Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-11-14 02:40 am
azurelunatic) wrote2002-11-14 02:40 am
Connections
I'm still flying, buzzing, delighted by more than my fair share.
I have no coherent reason for why I am so transported by the thought of a man feeling that he's able to break out into any one of the songs from The Music Man at any given moment, and have me respond correctly. I get the strange and unaccountable feeling that he is delighted, on some deep level, to have that connection with me, that he and I share this common bond of the musical: he for having watched it more times than he cares to count, me for having listened to the sountrack that many times...
It's just a something, from deep in our disparate lonely childhoods, that ties us together.
Sign of interesting things: I'm losing interest in other men. I usually have a few interesting background crushes going, if I'm in love with someone unavailable, but this is just getting eerie. I have little to no interest in online flirting, and versus the usual assortment of local guys I have half an eye on, there's only one local (and perhaps nonlocal as well) man who has any chance at me besides Darkside. But that couldn't last, at this point, and both of us know it... so that's not going to happen.
More interesting things: he showed it almost only in his eyes, with her, the soft, caring, and vulnerable side of him. He shows it to me in his voice often. In his hands. In his words. He doesn't need to hide himself behind sarcastic and sour when it's just me. Not when I see through to the him that is him anyway.
I'm coming more and more to the realization that I mean so very much to him. He doesn't get to let that side out often, with others. I am honored, flattered, delighted. When others see him through my eyes, they hardly recognize him, yet I know it's a true reflection. Perhaps the truest.
I have no coherent reason for why I am so transported by the thought of a man feeling that he's able to break out into any one of the songs from The Music Man at any given moment, and have me respond correctly. I get the strange and unaccountable feeling that he is delighted, on some deep level, to have that connection with me, that he and I share this common bond of the musical: he for having watched it more times than he cares to count, me for having listened to the sountrack that many times...
It's just a something, from deep in our disparate lonely childhoods, that ties us together.
Sign of interesting things: I'm losing interest in other men. I usually have a few interesting background crushes going, if I'm in love with someone unavailable, but this is just getting eerie. I have little to no interest in online flirting, and versus the usual assortment of local guys I have half an eye on, there's only one local (and perhaps nonlocal as well) man who has any chance at me besides Darkside. But that couldn't last, at this point, and both of us know it... so that's not going to happen.
More interesting things: he showed it almost only in his eyes, with her, the soft, caring, and vulnerable side of him. He shows it to me in his voice often. In his hands. In his words. He doesn't need to hide himself behind sarcastic and sour when it's just me. Not when I see through to the him that is him anyway.
I'm coming more and more to the realization that I mean so very much to him. He doesn't get to let that side out often, with others. I am honored, flattered, delighted. When others see him through my eyes, they hardly recognize him, yet I know it's a true reflection. Perhaps the truest.