Dishes.

[azurelunatic]

The part about doing dishes that I simply cannot stand is putting them away. I don't know why it is, but I have an aversion to it. I don't mind the scrubbing and making them clean and stacking them in the dishwasher and starting the dishwasher. I do mind putting them away.

When I ask someone to put them away, and I have reason to believe that they should know about my aversion to putting away dishes, and there are dishes in the sink, I expect the dishes to be put away within the hour so that I can start the next load of dishes going.

When it doesn't happen, I get annoyed. I get annoyed when I ask someone to do something once, and it gets forgotten, disregarded, ignored. It makes me feel as if I do not matter at all, no matter what the true circumstances are. On some psychological level, if I can be forgotten that easily, I do not matter. When someone else asks something, and it gets immediately done, I get angry.

I don't want to be a psycho demanding control freak bitch. I was that to BJ, mostly because he didn't do stuff and didn't do stuff and didn't do stuff and it took being said bitch to get him to do anything. Laundry? You could forget about that. Dishes? Stop playing game and actually do housework? Fuck that. I have issues, severe issues, when someone spends what I consider to be a lot of time on games and very little time on housework.

The second time I ask something, I'm likely to have an edge in my voice, from being annoyed at being ignored the first time. I hate it when someone gets too absorbed in something to even hear me. I hate hearing that edge in my voice, and I hate the startled jump-fear reaction when I use that tone of voice, and I don't know how to give a second reminder without being at least a little pissed. So I've stopped giving that second reminder. Which is probably the wrong thing to do. It lets people not realize that I'm getting mad, and it makes me madder, that I have to NOT remind people to do that which I asked them to do in the first place, and it makes me feel horrible for being so lazy that I cannot do it myself, since all I ever do is sit around at the computer and goof off if I'm not in class.

Comments

probably nonuseful datapoint

[boojum.livejournal.com]

I am much better at doing brainless household chores like putting away dishes if someone is around me who is either doing brainless household chores or paying attention to me. I don't know if your relevant person/people work this way, but if they do, you could offer it as a bargaining chip or just stick around to make it work better. *shrug*

I hope things go better. Hating onesself is painful, and hating one's own actions is only one step away from that. *hug*?

Re: probably nonuseful datapoint

[azurelunatic]

I hate feeling as if I'm in a position where I have to maternally stand over and see that something's getting done in order for it to get done. Ideally, I would like the presence of the "clean" sign on the dishwasher to be the prompt for unloading the dishwasher, so dirty dishes don't get the chance to stack up in the sink as much as they might. Getting it unloaded is the sticking point. I automatically rinse and put in dishwasher, if the dishwasher's available to put things in...

...It just irks me. I should be able to do dishes, go and do my homework, and not have to nag nag nag.

Re: probably nonuseful datapoint

[azurelunatic]

We're having major household reorganization as a result of new roommate moving in, and job descriptions are changing and shifting. Some people aren't as thoroughly housetrained as others. Some people have nagging bitch mothers.

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

Ooh, boy. If housework not getting done on request is an issue for you, you're in for a long haul. It happens. It will always happen. Even with the most considerate, cheerful, and hard-working of housemates.

I think at least part of the solution will be to make clear the reasons and consequences. Like this weekend, I said to silmarian, "I cannot move the bookshelf. If you move the bookshelf, then I will be able to clean up the living room." The bookshelf did not get moved. The living room did not get cleaned. That's the way it does and should go. But he's much more likely to be amenable if he sees his interest in my request.

[azurelunatic]

It's been quite a bit symptomatic of other stuff going on. The air's been getting progressively clearer. I've had some bad housemate situations before, and this is nothing like them. There are some things that remind me of those...

...and everything looks worse at midnight on PMS day after you've just found out how very badly your grandmother's been doing.