men

[azurelunatic]

I see that flirty- guy is here. In the first week, he made a point of talking to me after class and asking if I needed a ride home.

Tomorrow I see Darkside. He's a lot of fun. Even though I do suspect him of flirting, he rarely makes me uncomfortable. Accepting romantic attention from strangers is wearying to me.

The worst way to sabotage youtself in getting to know me so you can date me is to use some sort of romantic or sexual comeon. That tells me that you don't want to get to know me for myself, and I might not as well bother. Unless I'm looking to get laid now, forget it. And you have bad odds of that...

Comments

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

I don't know... people who make it obvious that they are attracted to me are putting themselves at risk for rejection. That kind of chutzpah deserves my respect. Also,, I'd rather the motivations were clear -- better than finding out later.

[azurelunatic]

Different perspectives.

The people who make it clear that they're attracted *and* make it clear that they'd like to know me better as a person, regardless of the attractedness, I respect. The type of person who could care less for my personality, for me, and just wants my body in bed, if that's how they're coming off, I don't want to spend time with.

[azurelunatic]

A little more clearly phrased: No one who doesn't have the respect for me to care to wait until I'm comfortable with the idea of sleeping with them before pushing the topic, isn't someone I want to particularly spend time with.

I value strong, long-lasting friendship far more than I do sex, so someone who is radiating an attitude of "I want to get to know you well enough to go to bed, quickly", who does not have personality-attracting factors to me, and who I do not already know, or know of, and like at least a little, is not someone who is likely to get anywhere with me.

My boundaries are particularly sticky on the subject. I don't have particularly good taste in picking people to get to know better. Once I know them better, I have a good idea whether they'd be good to keep around or not. Once I know them better, I will either welcome sexual or romantic advances, or politely decline them, or not be friends with them because after getting to know them, it didn't turn out to be worth my time to stay knowing them.

Unfortunately, for the most part, when I've gotten to know people better while encouraging and interacting with their romantic/sexual overtures, not only have they not always been worth keeping around, but they had since gotten too entangled to let go neatly.

I've decided that for emotional safety's sake, I must only look for sex from friends: either already-known friends, or people who become friends: but they must become friends before I will seriously consider or encourage in any way any getting-to-know-you-better that is a classic prelude to an immediate jump into bed.

[azurelunatic]

I also rather that the motivations are clear: but as I'm not looking for that, sex-only is not likely to win a date.

[sithjawa.livejournal.com]

Man.

I read that as "to use some sort of romantic of sexual condom."

It was weird.

[azurelunatic]

Hehe.