azurelunatic | Gender, polarity

swy1974 has been having interesting thoughts on gender of late.

Being interestingly bisexual, I have gender expectations for relationships, and things that I do well with.

Ideally, I would have at least two partners: one male, and one female. I would be submissive to the male partner, and dominant of the female partner. I like to see myself as a leader among women, I suppose...

I feel awkward, uncomfortable, when I have a male partner and am always expected to be the strong one... or when a male partner brings out the dominant side of me, without being fully submissive himself. It probably contributes to the discomfort that my one male partner who brought out dominance in me while still trying to maintain active control himself, was BJ. How fun, eh? I'm also not comfortable with men that I have to consciously keep myself from walking all over.

I'm sure that I would get a very similar thrill of proud, protective possession were I to be petting the bowed head of a man utterly submissive to me. But I don't find myself attracted, often, to men who don't fight back, to men who don't assert their dominance over me.

Lately, I've found that it's not dominance alone that makes me happy with a man, but *safe and sane* instances of such. Someone who tries to push his [or her, but mostly his] Will upon mine gets thwacked back. Someone who maneuvers things so that my Will aligns with his, even if I didn't think it did in the starting point...

But oh. Submission. The utter trust that is required to put your head down, to bare your neck, to look up and wonder, "What next?" and know that your answer will come, for that moment, at least, and not necessarily in words. To not need to talk things over. To adore, unconditionally.

I'm a very skittish and shy Sub, and I'll pull back, not trust, not give myself fully.

I'm always, it seems, learning new interpretations, new depths, to Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.