azurelunatic | just kill me now or something

Current Mood: crushed

just kill me now or something

Not going well. Bah. I'm a user. I have no business taking a Secondary when I have no active Primary.

Just Be Honest. Talk to Yakky about this stuff. It might work out better than you think.

I personally don't think it's 'using' someone -especially if you're polyamorous- if you state clearly what level you're able to give them, and they are willing to accept that, and they still want the relationship with you.

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

Trouble is, I'm not as balanced by half when I don't have a Primary.

I honestly think the thing with BJ might have worked if he'd been a Secondary, instead of trying to shove him up to Primary. When I'm not actively Taken by a Primary who asserts his territory, I annex Secondaries in an uncomfortable way.

It's not using if you care about each other. Trust me, I think I actually know. I was recently "using" someone whom I came to care for a lot in the process. And I felt really bad about it, bcause he deserved better, even tho he didn't seem to think it was a problem, and even tho I told him flat-out that he was being used. Just be honest with him, talk when there are problems, and let it be what it can. And if it still doesn't work, then you can deal with that then. He's choosing to be in this, knowing that you love someone else. He's going into this knowing what he is getting into.

The situation he was getting into that he knew about, all was good with.

It's not stable, and it's dynamic. I'm not comfortable enough with him to have an independent balanced stability with him.

I keep trying to annex Secondaries into Primaries without realizing what I'm doing if I don't have an active Primary. And that gets bad.

I think it's a normal human tendency, tho. And maybe someday he'll be worthy of being a Primary.

'Worthy' isn't the word for it. He doesn't fit as a Primary. He's a nice, wonderful, comfortable Secondary. Why blame square pegs for not fitting round holes? I have square holes too... and I need to have the round hole filled with a round peg before I can try putting square pegs in the square holes.

Are you sure he can't ever fit? Are you sure you can know that about someone you're just getting to know, especially when you are still in love with someone else?

I'm not saying you are wrong. I'm just wondering. I've been sure about things of that magnitude and been wrong, because emotions can play tricks on your sometimes.

It's something that cannot be escalated now if I want to keep the friendship, let alone the relationship.

Can it stay where it is for now, and worry about escalating later?

The trouble is, Joanie no baka tries to escalate it, without realizing that this is what's happening until Bad Things are happening.

Which is trouble.

Okay, right. You did say that. I wonder if there is any way to turn that off?

We're working on it.

Good luck. :)

Thanks.

We are *so* working on it.

Heh. That took me a minute. :)

Hee.

Interesting, isn't it?

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just kill me now or something

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