Commentary on self sparked by past stuff

[azurelunatic]

I had been talking about selfhood, its mutability, and security, and I have observed that the past few months since the end of October have been a time of change and trial.

votania has only briefly known me when I have been unpartnered/badly partnered. marxdarx has never known me as a solitary self.

I as I am without a local or high-communication best friend/soulsib is very much not who I am partnered. They're beginning to meet the solitary me, and she's not very nice.

Comments

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

the solitary me, and she's not very nice

Hrm. I'm not so sure I agree with that summation. You tend to go on High Alert without knowing someone is watching your back. You on High Alert for long periods of time = stressed!Azzie and that's a bad thing. It's not that you're any different without a partner (that tends to imply that partnered!Azz and unpartnered!Azz should have different names like Dagger/Marah/Naomi, and this is not the case), just that your situation is different, and therefore your mood.

Or maybe I'm just nitpicking because I don't like it when you fail to unpack. *giggle*

But yes, Dagger and Marah have both been showing signs of exhaustion lately, without Darkside in regular attendance to watch the back and give them a break. Dagger doesn't trust either you or Marah to protect yourselves, and Marah doesn't trust you or Dagger to protect Naomi, so they're both constantly on High Alert.

Okay, I've reached babble-point. This works better on IM, because I can tell when you understand me and I stop. I can't tell when I'm writing a post or an email what words are going to work. *g*

Time to go home, kiss my baby and my sunshine, and watch slashy fangirl fun with E and Amber and Chris! *squeee!* (Okay, Chris isn't a fangirl, but he's an excellent slashboi!)

[azurelunatic]

You often pick up on distinctions that I fail to pick up on for myself, but agree with once I've had you nitpick them. I have to compress heavily to fit everything inside my brain...

Saturday. I call his mom tomorrow evening to make sure all is clear.

[azurelunatic]

Also, partnerships like the one with Darkside not only de-stress me, but he also gently modifies my behavior, either directly or by example or by... I'm not sure what the word is, or if there's a word, because I'm not coming up with any empty holes in my brain where a word should be, but I behave myself around him far better than I would be motivated to behave myself otherwise, because I wish to make a good impression on him and be a person who is worthy of being his friend, rather than being a person that I don't even like much.