azurelunatic | (meme from agent139): What Gets Me Out of Bed in the Morning

(meme from agent139): What Gets Me Out of Bed in the Morning

I may well wind up adhering to the letter of the question, not the spirit, because I'm not used to looking at this section of the underpinnings of my mind.

I am not a solipsist. Not really. I take comfort in the idea of a material universe, which may or may not (but likely does, because enough people believe it) have a "spiritual" extra gajillion of dimensions to it, a la the "Tree of Life". I take comfort in reincarnation, and the idea that a universe that will eventually all convert to energy (I still need to check KL7AM's science for myself) and be reborn, infinitely over, in infinite combination... if that is true, then the million-monkeys model of reincarnation is sound.

When I was a child, I would torture myself by trying to imagine how it would be like to *not think*. To *not feel*. To have no input of either the outside world or the inside world. For that would be what death was: the complete cessation of sensation and thought.

The idea terrified me.

Sometimes, I don't get out of bed in the morning.

Mostly, though, I get out of bed in the morning because I have stuff to do. I have things to write. I have a house to clean. I have things to read. It is doing, not being, that gets me through the day. "Being" ... I can do that from bed, thanks much. Or I could sleep. I like sleep. I need sleep.

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I want to comment to agent 139 that I get out of bed in the morning bc I've really got to pee it has nothing to do with carrots or fire. I don't want to be that much of a smart ass right to his face though.

Physical comfort.

(looks busily at list of reasons for waking up) Yep. That's on there. Though fortunately I've learned how to half-sleepwalk for that.

no, that is a valid reason.

though 'getting out of the bed in the morning,' 'carrots,' and 'fire' were all meant as metaphors.

('getting out of bed' = what has meaning, 'carrots' = the lure of the future, 'fire'= escape from the past.)

i suppose getting up to pee would be simple compliance to the necessities of the present. which is, as i said, as valid an answer as any.

you say when the universe will be converted from matter to energy, as if the two were not merely different phases of the same thing, siblings, like ice and water vapor.

the million monkey model of 'reincarnation' is sound enough if you believe that an atom of body will retain a memory of being a part of 'you' long after you have ceased to be a unity. the eternal return- in an infinite universe everything that is happening now will happen again at some future time, an infinite number of times. this is what kundera calls the 'weight' of being, the action and choice you commit now is sculpted into eternity, and you are bound to follow it, again, and again, and again. at the same time- there is no time, space, matter, or energy without our consciousness to make it so. what a naught-y knot that is... weightlessness, the destruction of meaning and with it the annihilation of responsibility to the future, to the past... though not to the present.

as for the complete sessation of thought and sensation, i have to agree with that. however there is a little twist, that the world as you know it, in every detail that you know it, is a construction that you have fabricated of an outside world that is absolutely barred from our experience. you experience it, you own it, and you fictionlize it into your 'story.'

all of our lives are fiction.

i think if you have the attention to detail for it, you can actually see the seams, sometimes, the structuring and ordering mechanism at work, building seem-ing sense and order out of chaos. this is what my book Fallen was about, for me- chasing that deer in the woods, and getting further and furhter into it... until i turned around and saw what i was actually looking at and it scared the fuck out of me. enough to put me in the hospital.

after i was released i started doing a lot of hallucinogens, actively pursuing that snipe, (the "ordering mechanism"), and i forced myself to recognize it with open eyes. then i actually went back and wrote the book that had already been written.

yet in some ways real-izing this entirely has taken the spirit in living away from me. thus the 'what gets you out of bed in the morning.' do i have the guts to recognize it as fiction and ride it to its conclusion, or will i continue to live as a negation? i guess the choice is entirely mine.

It doesn't matter so much whether the atom 'remembers' me or not... I am a holder of the Cosmic Billiards idea of Creation. One thing bounces off another, and so forth. Eventually atoms will come forth to take a shape close enough to mine, with the riccochets forming a mind close enough to mine...

IDIC.

hmm

what was the causeless cause then?

(or is it 'elephants all the way down'?)

Don't know; can't know. As far as I'm concerned, I was born. Someone tickled Eris and She farted. Something. Why not make it pretty?

It both comforts and appalls me to know that

rosalynde is/will be/has been 'real' already...

Oh definately.. I think the structuring of my life seems to reveal itself in the form of a film, sometimes modernist, sometimes fantasy, and sometimes anything.. I see foreshadowing and alliteration constantly. It really makes me think, but not too much, because the mental institutions don't want anything to do with me..

So what's the big deal then, eh? It's kind of like catching someone doing something uncharachteristic out of the corner of my eye, or having the screeching maniac on the radio say the same thing as I do coincidentally.. You smile, make a note of it, and move on.

sometimes it bothers me to think that all of this (my internal world) essentially isn't real, neither is the external (as it inflects itself into the internal)- though together they make a really good turkey club.

i think my point was that you don't have an eye to see something uncharacteristic through, except right now- empty philosophy maybe when its words but when you feel it it can scare the fuck out of you. or me, at any rate. still even scarier really is coming entirely into the present, letting go entirely of the past and the future, and embodying that with a recognition that each second is utterly and irretrievably destroyed for the next. hm. i do like turkey clubs...

maybe people who are hellbent on making their internal world 'real,' or to justify it in the world around them, are generally crazy. (hitler?)

i'm not sure. really. about anything- except that i want coffee right now. and i have coffee to make. so i am going to put the need and the capacity together and ...

All these things have and do drive me crazy sometimes, but not having an eye to see with opens up a whole new realm of possibilities. If your world is shaped by you and everything you see and experience is filtered through yourself, nothing is actually real, so you can create your reality in a sense. Not getting all cosmic or anything, but if you identify yourself with preservering through the muck, there will always be muck in your way.

I suppose that wasn't cosmic at all, but cosmic muck sure sounds like it would make a good mudpie.

And as I identify myself as a clown, there will always be banana peels on my road of life...

i'm not sure its quite so clear cut.

what we define ourselves as is a product of our experience. if our experience is also a product of our definition...

well its another chicken and egg.

subject and object are ultimately one and the same. if you take away one, the other disappears into thin air.

I know I wouldn't be finding banana peels if I didn't expect them to be there. And if I didn't keep finding them, I might not expect so many...

quite true.

its also easier to avoid taking responsibility for your life in the moment when you've managed to negate it - (which of course makes no judgement on whether or not that negation is valid.)

Ahhh.. but one can also avoid responsibility by being completely incapacitated by the sense of scope of all they must do. I think that's more my schtick..

But the term 'avoiding responsibility' is such a loaded, subjective term. Who cares really.. if you care about something, deal with it, if not, just let it go..

every term is a subjective term, isn't that what we're talkin about?

;) i know i'm being a smartass.

Cool. This whole discussion makes it seem likely that my Perspective isn't so bizarre after all. Perhaps still disturbing, but not so bizarre.

(I mean all the stuff about being a fragment of Passive (or O) and how sentience is a novel new and very temporary thing and I'm looking forward to going back to 'normal' when my sabbatical is over. Hmm.)

Cool. I thought people would appreciate seeing it.

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(meme from agent139): What Gets Me Out of Bed in the Morning

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