azurelunatic | Note for roommates:

Note for roommates:

If I'm in a mental Bad Place, and dealing with me like yea is not within your area of expertise, call

iroshi, because she knows how to talk to me. Threatening to call Darkside will likely make me hide my damage enough to appear passable to anyone but him.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I dunno.... all I know is that I've been trying to find a nice way to say this but there isn't a nice way. So I'll just say it....

You scared the shit outta me last night!! I remember being terribly frightened until figuring out that it (the lightning) wasn't going to hurt me.

Could ya maybe give me some warning next time?? Mebbe? Please? heh

I hadn't the foggiest I was even going to be dreaming at you. I still have no awareness of it...

...I can reconstruct it, from what you said, but I still don't know how I'm doing it...

So the dream made sense to you? You Recognized it?

Yes. Unfortunately.

The one with the building, I Recognized immediately.

This one with the lightning... yes, but not as clearly; it was, as Iroshi said, happening on a layer somewhere under my mind, one I'm not quite so well in touch with... the only reason the dream with Darkside was Recognized quite so well is because I relate to him the same on all levels. He is a high point of stability in my life.

This one... neep.

I suppose the only way to even start to do that would be to leave a comment in your journal every time I had a Really Bad Day.

Nah, that is kind of a pain (for you).... I was thinking more like a "high sign" just so I can recognize you each time. It still comes as such a surprise to me (this connection thingie)... maybe if I was more prepared it wouldn't be so disconcerting.

Hm.

Since I'm not aware of doing all this, it would have to be embedded somewhere very deep down in my mind.

You may be getting a dream tonight, unfortunately.

I appreciate the warning... really, I do.

Today.... all day I felt almost as if I were having waking dreams. Not daydreaming... but haunted by the images of last night. I could close my eyes and instantly have the dream images in my mind... vivid and as REAL as it felt when it was happening.

Hm. Looks like

iroshi and Marah are going to have another little Talk.

Thank you for putting up with all of this, and I'm sorry for involving you...

You didn't involve me... I involved me. Don't feel as if you have to apologize for the choices that other people make.

Who is Marah? Talk... can you elaborate?

I feel as though I involved you by broadcasting the stuff to where you'd pick it up in your dreams. But then, you were the one who chose to follow through...

In case you hadn't heard, there's more than one of me rattling around in here. I'm the primary personality,

garnetdagger is another, and then there's Marah, and someone else who prefers to remain anonymous at the moment.

My thoughts on the matter (feel free to correct me) are that if you didn't need/want someone to listen, you would not have broadcasted "on that frequency"... Do you know what I'm getting at here? And yes, it was my choice to contact you about it and follow up. How could I not?

The fact that you've established a route to me once before for a "non-essential" meandering..... I think that was a set up for more important things to come.

Mebbe? Yesno??

I do probably need someone who can listen to the things I can't see for myself.

Darkside used to do that for me. I don't see him often enough any more for him to do that.

I miss him.

And it seems likely that the first dream was a confirmation-thing, a "test signal"...

If I could figure out how to set up filters or shields I would... but I've never been able to maintain them when sleeping... only while awake.

I'll see what I can do on this one.

But if you see red lightning tonight, don't be surprised, and don't worry: it's not aimed at you.

Red??

For anger, distrust, suspicion, Knowledge, and I daresay a little hatred.

This of course leads me to the silly notion that you should wear a red rose in your lapel so that I'll Recognize you.... But of course, you are often without lapels, or apparel (not naked... but in other lapel-less forms). Okay, now I'm just getting goofy... I need bed.

I'm going to sleep now... perchance, to Dream.

Not a bad idea.

Though I'll likely show up as or with a wild rose in some form.

And speaking of connections... it seems to me that last night's dream was much MUCH stronger than the previous one. Almost as if you'd bypassed a link and had a direct interface this time.

I really don't know.... I'm going on pure instinct here and I am so ignorant about all this stuff that really I could be just talking out my rear end. Just telling you my impressions... you can make of it as you will.

It would have had to be a direct connection, because the former relay link is down pending further information.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Note for roommates:

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