Half

[azurelunatic]

I suppose it might be like knowing you were born missing a limb or two. You have two arms and two legs, and so does everyone around, but you can remember what it was like to have four arms, in your dreams, and you wake up and you only have the two.

And everybody around you has no idea what you're missing...

Some days you pretend you had only two arms. No one who sees you will know the difference.

Except, maybe, some of the other people who should have had four arms see you, and maybe they say, "You know, you might be missing a limb or two; have you ever noticed that?"


And it's so obvious to you, and they point it out like it should have been obvious, and you should have seen it, only they know you might think them crazy to have said anything...

Comments

[nalidoll.livejournal.com]

scanning past this numerous times on my friends list, and reading it again and again, i have realized you have hit upon something that can be applied to so many different things.

you need to share this. alot.
because there are so many people who have Had Something Different going on with them who try to pretend and know it is the rare person who sees this and reminds them not to fool themselves with pretending who need an analogy like this to keep them company when they don't know which way to see it.

aand yes, that was an awful sentence. later, when i have slept, i am going to diagram it just for fun to see if i can and to see how badly i mangled our fair language.
heh.

[azurelunatic]

Yeah.

I was writing this about that special connection between two people, for myself, and how I think about it even in little things like with books... but it applies to so many other things. Self-deception on some things just does not work well...

[hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com]

Otherkin?

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

Not quite.

[azurelunatic]

Yeah, what she said.

[amberite.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[azurelunatic]

Thanks.

It's just one of those *things*, you know?

Exactly

[dragontdc.livejournal.com]

Very nicely said. And it's so true. It doesn't matter what the nature of those missing limbs might be, it's the knowledge that somehow things are not as they used to be, or should be. The truth is that there are many out there who feel the same way, and unless we open up and reach out, risking derision and even persecution, we cannot connect with the others who share our feelings.

[redshoeson.livejournal.com]

?? ^_^

[azurelunatic]

Actually, this spun off of your comment that I should realize how much Darkside meant to me.

I use the other two arms all the time, even though no one can see them. Sometimes people point them out to me, that I have them...

[redshoeson.livejournal.com]

Interesting. I've never even entertained the possibility of having more than 2 arms.

[azurelunatic]

I was looking around for an example of an important, not-easily-missed body part, and I suppose the aliens in the book I'd been reading mixed with the idea of a certain set of deities.

I've never considered myself to be missing any physical body parts, though I used to have a large number of flying dreams, where it was like swimming through the air... lately, sometimes when I dream, I have wings... but those are new.

[redshoeson.livejournal.com]

I used to have flying dreams; I can understand that. ^_^

[azurelunatic]

Flying dreams are fun.

These days, I have a habit of going astral with the wings... while astrally visiting old ladies in the hospital.

[ornjkitty.livejournal.com]

Meeting Bryan was quite like that.
The dizzying slide as the interlocking pieces of the puzzle that is 'us' slid together in their properly alloted places. [And I mean that in the strictly metaphorical sense, although the other is not far off the mark, either.] ;)
The lightbulb that goes on over your heads simultaneously -- "So THAT'S what I was missing all along!"
[And nothing like that indignant "Where have you BEEN for the past thirty years or so!" as you tap your feet ... **giggle**]
Yup. Definitely something to be said for that. Amazing how one ever learned to live without it!

[azurelunatic]

Yes, amazing.

...though it becomes more complicated when the pieces don't come together that smoothly...

Re:

[ornjkitty.livejournal.com]

bleargh. In _certain ways_, they don't, love. But it seems like the friendship part came together for you fairly nicely?

[azurelunatic]

Oh yes.

And it would take more than superglue remover to pry us apart...

Re:

[ornjkitty.livejournal.com]

See? He fits in that perfectly Darkside-shaped hole in your chest. Just like my Bryan fits in my perfectly-Bryan-shaped hole. Funny, until you find the right one, you hardly notice the drafts that come in around the rough edges...
But once you know the difference. ...

[azurelunatic]

I wonder if there's an Azz-shaped hole in his chest he didn't know about.

Re:

[ornjkitty.livejournal.com]

Seeing as how, from your description, he has always struck me as somewhat close-mouthed, ... Quite likely. I don't see how your friendship could be as close as it is and not satisfy some deep-seated need for both of you. (And I don't necessarily mean the more obvious "need" here, either! **grin**)

[azurelunatic]

A little more than 'somewhat'... a good 75% of the thoughts about what's going on inside him that I have are based off of my best guesses based on certain of his very subtle cues. He'll talk endlessly about anything *but* himself.

I swear I'm going to have to make two transcriptions of every conversation I have with him: one dealing with the words, and one dealing with the sort of subtle things that aren't words that he communicates with.

And he's not the sort who accumulates friends very easily.

Re:

[ornjkitty.livejournal.com]

So ... based on the fact that he has accumulated YOU, I would say that it is more than likely! **giggle**

[azurelunatic]

That's because I'm tenacious and don't lose a friend easily when I like them.

And I like him. Yep.

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

okay, creepy..I was thinking about a book of short stories I had at one time just the other day, and one of my favorites in the story was about this family visiting the zoo, and the boy is foolish and sticks his arm in some animals cage and gets it ripped off, and the family is like oh he's so disfigured now, blah blah and the final line in the story was the doctor saying "no really, when people this young lose an arm they learn to adapt with just having three."

The whole book was like that, with wierd surprise endings that made you stop and go "wha?"

[azurelunatic]

Huh.

Interesting. Author?

Re:

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

I don't remember... the short stories were all by different sci fi women authors, a tribute to Andre Norton I think....

[azurelunatic]

Hm.