Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-03-05 11:33 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-03-05 11:33 pm
Respect
Am I odd because I love and respect my parents?
When I was a teenager, I hated and feared my father for his bad qualities, because they were so strong in myself. I saw them in myself, and I saw my potential to be far worse than I was; far worse than he was. It terrified me, because I saw how he lost control of himself in his anger, and I knew that if I lost control of myself to the extent that he did, I could be terrible.
I hated my mother for being a hapless, helpless, ineffectual force for peace in the house when my father was angry.
And the rest of the time, when no one was angry, no one was fighting, I loved Mama and FatherSir. FatherSir was strong and smart and could do anything in the world. Mama was still young and happy and could make pretty pots and quilts and clothes, and made sure everyone was taken care of.
Out of everything my parents did, there are three things I might change:
My father had a terrible temper, and had never learned how to control it effectively, or communicate his emotions so that he wouldn't have to let it blow over. Narcissa and I were terrified of when that would happen. That will never happen to my children. He stopped doing that. I know it can be stopped. I no longer have horrible uncontrollable fits of rage. The most that comes out these days is a harsh word or two and a glare. I go into my room and vent to LJ. Then I know what's bothering me, and I can talk rationally about it.
Sex was one of those things that was Not Talked About in the household, mostly because of Mama's refined sensibilities. She would have probably discussed it if I'd asked, but I was never really wanting to. All the books on the subject, though, were there for me to poke at, should I ever have wished to...
Religion was another thing that was Not Talked About. I have no specific peeve with this, but I'll handle it differently.
When I was a teenager, I hated and feared my father for his bad qualities, because they were so strong in myself. I saw them in myself, and I saw my potential to be far worse than I was; far worse than he was. It terrified me, because I saw how he lost control of himself in his anger, and I knew that if I lost control of myself to the extent that he did, I could be terrible.
I hated my mother for being a hapless, helpless, ineffectual force for peace in the house when my father was angry.
And the rest of the time, when no one was angry, no one was fighting, I loved Mama and FatherSir. FatherSir was strong and smart and could do anything in the world. Mama was still young and happy and could make pretty pots and quilts and clothes, and made sure everyone was taken care of.
Out of everything my parents did, there are three things I might change:
- Anger
- Sex
- Religion
My father had a terrible temper, and had never learned how to control it effectively, or communicate his emotions so that he wouldn't have to let it blow over. Narcissa and I were terrified of when that would happen. That will never happen to my children. He stopped doing that. I know it can be stopped. I no longer have horrible uncontrollable fits of rage. The most that comes out these days is a harsh word or two and a glare. I go into my room and vent to LJ. Then I know what's bothering me, and I can talk rationally about it.
Sex was one of those things that was Not Talked About in the household, mostly because of Mama's refined sensibilities. She would have probably discussed it if I'd asked, but I was never really wanting to. All the books on the subject, though, were there for me to poke at, should I ever have wished to...
Religion was another thing that was Not Talked About. I have no specific peeve with this, but I'll handle it differently.
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Absolutely not; I <3 and respect mine, regardless of their imperfections.