Parenting

[azurelunatic]

Marx realized today that what he's been doing has been babysitting, and parenting is completely different.

Shared how hurt I had been when he'd been explicitly declared to have the same authority as votania, which formal declaration never really happened with me, thus giving him a higher authority than me, and then he began comparing his parenting style against mine with mine losing every time, despite my having had more experience parenting Little Fayoumis than he's had.

Narrowed it down that one of the reasons Little Fayoumis does not respect his authority is because he does not crack down on first offenses. He gives a few more chances with no consequences before cracking down. Rather, used to.

I will begin taking a more active role in parenting when Marx is around, versus my earlier defensive strategy of just letting him handle it by himself, since I couldn't do anything right.

Comments

[nalidoll.livejournal.com]

i am glad you have Talked..

this can only be to the benefit of the LF.

which is what matters most.

[azurelunatic]

Yep.

Already, decrease in tensions...

corner NOW!

[votania.livejournal.com]

excuse me?...."since I couldn't do anything right"

You'd better say ten nice things about yourself RIGHT NOW!

or goto the corner, it's your choice young lady!...

love,

ME :)

Re: corner NOW!

[azurelunatic]

*sigh* That was pretty much how the dynamics were between him and me when we were alone with Little Fayoumis. Everything I did seemed to be Wrong.

So, I stopped doing anything.

Re: corner NOW!

[votania.livejournal.com]

ok, I really mean it... QUIT being mean to yourself... you do just fine. You and Marxdarx are just tooooooo different... it's going to take a lot of work for you two to co-exist. Not EVERYTHING you do is wrong... yeah, we make mistakes, but we just keep doing our best and keep learning.

sigh... I know you... you're a good mom, marxdarx is a good dad, I'm a good mom to, and with all three of us raising him he's going to grow up just right :)

B.Rabbit

I don't think you're understanding what I mean with my words.

[azurelunatic]

You misunderstand, I think.

I thought I was doing everything right, or as close to right as someone can get. It had always been right before. He had been given authority, and then saw fit to tell me that I was doing everything all wrong. Not always in words, straight out like that, but always, I was not doing it right.

I still thought I was doing it right.

But, for the sake of household harmony, I stopped participating in parenting-type descisions when Marxdarx was around, because, from his perception, which he shared with me, nothing I did was right. Since, by his perceptions, I could not do anything right, I quit doing anything.

I felt like I had no authority to make any sort of criticism of his parenting style, even when I saw things that confused the hell out of me (and Little Fayoumis too), because when I brought up the topic, and that it confused me, it would develop into an unhappy scene where he enumerated the things I did that confused him, and I would wind up attempting to defend my style without attacking his, even though I really felt like it. I would also feel like I had no place to be even questioning anything he did, as he had equal authority with you, and I did not.

Before you go off on that last bit, yes, that has indeed been my perception. Where Little Fayoumis has been concerned between you and me, you have always had the last word, as you are his biological mother and I am not. I have never had equal authority with you, and that has been perfectly all right. By telling him that he had equal authority with you, his way was immediately better than my way, as I did not have equal authority with you. That was not all right. At all. But, you are his mother, and you do have the final say in everything, so I had no place to question that.

We had a long talk, he and I, and things are starting to fit back into place to where it's all good again.