'Eww' moments

[azurelunatic]

Somehow, a discussion about Something Positive and Sexy Losers turned into me and votania relating the very, very, very sanitized (and still ever so gross) version of 'the lobster story' to reichiere, hinoai, and the other chick.

It was a news story that was archived at one of those sites that exists to archive the just plain gross, as well as darkly funny. Basically...








I'm not kidding.

























There are some things that one should not use to pleasure oneself.

A woman bought a live lobster, and used it as it ought not to be used. This lobster had mud shrimp eggs on it. This is not unusual, but under normal circumstances, when lobsters are cooked, the mud shrimp eggs are killed and everything proceeds normally.

This was not normal.

The mud shrimp eggs wound up inside the woman (not surprising, given how the lobster was employed) and, due to Very Bad Timing, hatched inside her, resulting in general unpleasantness and her eventual death.

Needless to say, this pushed the squick buttons of all present.

We certainly make excellent first impressions.

Comments

[boojum.livejournal.com]

Err, this story?

(I'm one to talk, having spent some of the afternoon telling dead baby jokes.)

[azurelunatic]

Yep, that one.

Nice to know it's a 'net legend.

[cissa.livejournal.com]

On the other hand, though not nearly as disgusting, was the (purportedly true) account I read in the paper a few years ago about a guy who was arrested for indecent behavior when he was caught, basically, raping a pumpkin. And NOT his own pumpkin. One that had been minding its own business, growing in a field, preparing to be a jack-o-lantern. His explanation: he was passing by and saw the pumpkins, and was overtaken with passion and simply couldn't help himself.

He was drunk, but that's not really a sufficient explanation, is it? I mean, I've been drunk, and NEVER looked at a pumpkin That Way...

[azurelunatic]

It requires a certain kinky mindset.

[lasayla.livejournal.com]

I've got an old copy of Mad World knocking around somewhere with a story about a guy who fucked a watermelon. Apparently some guy got turned down for a loan, then went into the bank with a gun and a watermelon, shot a hole through the melon and told the bank manager that if he didn't fuck the watermelon in front of everybody, then he'd be the next thing to get shot.

Mad World indeed.

[azurelunatic]

That scares me.

[cissa.livejournal.com]

OK, that's definitely weirder than the pumpkin dude. Wow.

eww. alien babies.

[sithjawa.livejournal.com]

Dude, it's like parasitic alien babies!

It is evolutionarily disadvantageous to be kinky, or lots of bizarre parasitic things would evolve...

Re: eww. alien babies.

[azurelunatic]

Ew.