Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-04-23 01:45 am
azurelunatic) wrote2003-04-23 01:45 am
Trust
There are people, certain people, whose opinions I trust.
Some of them haven't learned the nuances of how I speak and think yet.
When I say, "I don't think this will work," about something I'm doing, with the inflection that means, "I'm really serious, I mean this, and I say this after hours mulling it over", the response "Just give the guy a chance!" said with the "I know you're hung up on the other guy, but many fish, big sea" inflection, says to me that the person who's advising me to give the guy a chance doubts the validity of my certainty that it's not going to work.
Which says, to the undermind, that they don't trust my perceptions.
And the undermind says, "Well, you trust THEIR perceptions, don't you? Maybe they've got a point."
So, against your better judgement, you extend the "chance"... and you were right. It wasn't going to work. You knew it. You knew it already.
...You just doubted yourself.
Some of them haven't learned the nuances of how I speak and think yet.
When I say, "I don't think this will work," about something I'm doing, with the inflection that means, "I'm really serious, I mean this, and I say this after hours mulling it over", the response "Just give the guy a chance!" said with the "I know you're hung up on the other guy, but many fish, big sea" inflection, says to me that the person who's advising me to give the guy a chance doubts the validity of my certainty that it's not going to work.
Which says, to the undermind, that they don't trust my perceptions.
And the undermind says, "Well, you trust THEIR perceptions, don't you? Maybe they've got a point."
So, against your better judgement, you extend the "chance"... and you were right. It wasn't going to work. You knew it. You knew it already.
...You just doubted yourself.
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yay Poltersmut!
I've read Peeves/Binns, Peeves/Snape, and Peeves/Lupin so far... :D
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And by this, I am not attempting to say you don't know your feelings or that your sense are wrong... just that we all trick ourselves sometimes. Everybody does.
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And the reason I stayed in the relationship for as long as I did was because I thought maybe they had a point.
But no.
The person who asked me that question knew me too well for my brain to spit back the correct answer, which is this:
At a certain point after getting to know a person, experience has given me certainty in saying that one of three things happen. At a certain point, I will know that either this is a person I am interested in getting to know much better on many deeper levels, this is a person I am content to maintain a friendship with as-is, or this is a person I would not prefer to maintain the current level of contact with.
In this case, I was quite satisfied that this was a person I was content to maintain a friendship with, without desire of getting further entangled. This is not a great prospect for a relationship, especially as I have found that romantic interest remains only so long as I want to keep getting to know a person deeper and deeper...
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I reacted in much the same vein. Well, I value his opinion, and always count on him to tell me the truth, so what he says must be right...
I need to remember, though, no one really knows what's going on in my head and my heart besides me. As much as I might try to explain it, try to help others understand me better, at any given time, only I really know. So instead of thinking, X always speaks truth, I must be wrong, I need to compare what X says to what I feel, and go from there.
That's not to say outside parties are always going to be wrong. It becomes a matter of listening to both, and Knowing what resonates with you.
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