Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-04 06:00 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-04 06:00 pm
A draft of a speech/lecture
Who do you propose that I date, again? Someone who loves me? Someone I love in return? Someone who is perfect for me?
Who cares about me?
Who loves me enough to stop me from being sorry about being human?
Who wants me to wind up with someone who is perfect for me?
Who worries about hurting me?
Who listens when I'm broken and self-loathing, and doesn't hate me for the darkness there?
Who listens to me and holds me through the silence when we can't talk?
Who doesn't stomp off when Marah shoves everyone away as hard as she can?
When no one knows the right words to say, when everything that comes near me wounds me, who do I go to?
Who is the only person I trust to never harm me on purpose? If they harm me by accident, who is the only one I know would never mean to do that if they knew how much it hurt?
Who can I trust not to hit back when Marah slugs someone?
Who will bop me over the head when I need it?
Who do I trust to kick my ass when I need it?
Who is allowed to pick my friends, and my nose?
Who cracks insane jokes that make me laugh until I cough?
Who holds pun wars with me? Who holds rhyme wars with me?
Who slaps me around with a dead fish online?
Who would I game with?
Who has convinced me to try playing console fighting games?
Who spars with me?
Who is the only person I trust to not hurt me when sparring with me?
Who can get bonk through my shields?
Who do I keep my shields open for, 24-7?
Who can recharge my shields without me even noticing?
Who lets me hold them and cry on them when I need someone, even when they don't like being touched?
Who makes me smile the instant I see them?
Who do I trust enough to fall asleep on?
Who brushes the hair out of my face when I hide behind it?
Who doesn't make me flinch away very often when they brush the hair out of my face?
Who spends an hour and a half on the phone with me even when he needs sleep?
Who has stayed friends with me despite the fact that I love him?
Who do I go to insane lengths to keep in contact with?
When people see me standing with a particular person, they think we're together, or if we're not, we should be. Who do you think that is?
Who is the person I trust to tell me if my relationship is good for me or not? Who do I have to go to about any given relationship for approval before I can feel secure in it?
Who spent hours on the phone with me when I was crying about that incident with Shawn? Who stayed on the phone with me until they were sure that I was all right, because that's what friends do?
Who do I trust enough to fall apart to, when I try to remain strong and whole for everyone else?
Who made sure I got something to drink, and wrapped up in a blanket when I was holding everyone together when my sister was in the hospital?
Who knows me well enough to get me X, even though I wouldn't have picked it up for myself? I'm addicted to that series now, you silly man!!
Who knows me well enough to tell when I'm feeling horrible?
Who knows what to do when I can't speak?
Who knows me well enough to drag what's upsetting me out of me, even when I don't know what it is myself?
Who can I never successfully lie to?
Who is the only person I play Mercy with on a regular basis?
Who do my parents and other relatives wholeheartedly approve of?
Who can get me speaking again in under five minutes if I shut down?
Who is the first person I told my Name to?
Who do I look at and speculate that perhaps, having a kid of my own might not be such an abysmal idea after all, if I had them as backup?
Who do I wish I could curl up to sleep next to every night?
Who is the only one I'd ever contemplate watching a horror movie with?
Who would I follow to the ends of the earth, if allowed?
Who convinced me that maybe my life was worth living after all? If I killed myself, who would kick my ass like it's never been kicked before?
Whose phone number do my fingers have memorized?
Whose name do I accidentally say in bed?
Who is the only person I would be monogamous for?
Who is allowed to pretend to strangle me in public?
Who can I always sing with?
Who manifested as six-feet-four to my ex-fiance?
Who cares about me enough to not object when I waltz into their private life?
Who cares about me enough to not object when I show up on their doorstep in the morning, almost utterly unannounced?
Who do I care about enough to rethink my position on religion for, when I've met too many bad examples from a certain religion?
Who cares about me enough to spend an hour and a half on the phone with me when his schedule is horrible and terrible and evil?
Who showed up as my anchor to solid ground in the dream of a friend who's never met either of us? Whose name did a friend of that friend mention, having never heard of either of us or our friendship?
Who is the first person that my roommates think to call if I'm having a weird psychotic episode, before they think of calling 911?
Who cares about me?
Who loves me enough to stop me from being sorry about being human?
Who wants me to wind up with someone who is perfect for me?
Who worries about hurting me?
Who listens when I'm broken and self-loathing, and doesn't hate me for the darkness there?
Who listens to me and holds me through the silence when we can't talk?
Who doesn't stomp off when Marah shoves everyone away as hard as she can?
When no one knows the right words to say, when everything that comes near me wounds me, who do I go to?
Who is the only person I trust to never harm me on purpose? If they harm me by accident, who is the only one I know would never mean to do that if they knew how much it hurt?
Who can I trust not to hit back when Marah slugs someone?
Who will bop me over the head when I need it?
Who do I trust to kick my ass when I need it?
Who is allowed to pick my friends, and my nose?
Who cracks insane jokes that make me laugh until I cough?
Who holds pun wars with me? Who holds rhyme wars with me?
Who slaps me around with a dead fish online?
Who would I game with?
Who has convinced me to try playing console fighting games?
Who spars with me?
Who is the only person I trust to not hurt me when sparring with me?
Who can get bonk through my shields?
Who do I keep my shields open for, 24-7?
Who can recharge my shields without me even noticing?
Who lets me hold them and cry on them when I need someone, even when they don't like being touched?
Who makes me smile the instant I see them?
Who do I trust enough to fall asleep on?
Who brushes the hair out of my face when I hide behind it?
Who doesn't make me flinch away very often when they brush the hair out of my face?
Who spends an hour and a half on the phone with me even when he needs sleep?
Who has stayed friends with me despite the fact that I love him?
Who do I go to insane lengths to keep in contact with?
When people see me standing with a particular person, they think we're together, or if we're not, we should be. Who do you think that is?
Who is the person I trust to tell me if my relationship is good for me or not? Who do I have to go to about any given relationship for approval before I can feel secure in it?
Who spent hours on the phone with me when I was crying about that incident with Shawn? Who stayed on the phone with me until they were sure that I was all right, because that's what friends do?
Who do I trust enough to fall apart to, when I try to remain strong and whole for everyone else?
Who made sure I got something to drink, and wrapped up in a blanket when I was holding everyone together when my sister was in the hospital?
Who knows me well enough to get me X, even though I wouldn't have picked it up for myself? I'm addicted to that series now, you silly man!!
Who knows me well enough to tell when I'm feeling horrible?
Who knows what to do when I can't speak?
Who knows me well enough to drag what's upsetting me out of me, even when I don't know what it is myself?
Who can I never successfully lie to?
Who is the only person I play Mercy with on a regular basis?
Who do my parents and other relatives wholeheartedly approve of?
Who can get me speaking again in under five minutes if I shut down?
Who is the first person I told my Name to?
Who do I look at and speculate that perhaps, having a kid of my own might not be such an abysmal idea after all, if I had them as backup?
Who do I wish I could curl up to sleep next to every night?
Who is the only one I'd ever contemplate watching a horror movie with?
Who would I follow to the ends of the earth, if allowed?
Who convinced me that maybe my life was worth living after all? If I killed myself, who would kick my ass like it's never been kicked before?
Whose phone number do my fingers have memorized?
Whose name do I accidentally say in bed?
Who is the only person I would be monogamous for?
Who is allowed to pretend to strangle me in public?
Who can I always sing with?
Who manifested as six-feet-four to my ex-fiance?
Who cares about me enough to not object when I waltz into their private life?
Who cares about me enough to not object when I show up on their doorstep in the morning, almost utterly unannounced?
Who do I care about enough to rethink my position on religion for, when I've met too many bad examples from a certain religion?
Who cares about me enough to spend an hour and a half on the phone with me when his schedule is horrible and terrible and evil?
Who showed up as my anchor to solid ground in the dream of a friend who's never met either of us? Whose name did a friend of that friend mention, having never heard of either of us or our friendship?
Who is the first person that my roommates think to call if I'm having a weird psychotic episode, before they think of calling 911?
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