(reference to
http://www.livejournal.com/users/azurelunatic/day/2001/09/21 , friends-only entry)
Odd, that.
I'm shy about certain things, but not about others. I'm barely shy at all about sex. It just doesn't occur to me that most people might not want to tell that they had excellent sex this morning (well, afternoon) and caused their boytoy to reach orgasm four times. I'm not particularly shy about who I love. Everyone, including Darkside, knows that if he cared to date me, that I would love him with an intensity that he's never been on the receiving end of before.
I am shy about certain of my beliefs and feelings. Ask me about a particular odd experience I've had, and I'll evade, make excuses, change the subject to something related but not the first thing that flashed to mind. With the things I will talk about, I'll talk about them gleefully, loudly, cheerfully (or angrily, if that's what's appropriate) ... but on the things I don't speak of often, my body language changes, withdraws, becomes smaller, more hushed. At such times, a word out of place will shut me down, and I'll cease to speak of the things that matter.
Yes, Darkside, I'm shy. Most people wouldn't run across my being shy. Since you are authorized to take a look at some of my most personal feelings, you show up, there. You will run into the shyness, alone with me, asking about things that are deeply personal to me, things I don't talk about to anyone else... it's a measure of how close you are to me that you run into the shyness. I'm shy with Votania, too. I'm shy with Adam, hesitant to find the proper words. I'm shy with the Oak Prince. Someone unknown to me, meeting me, runs up against either my wall of babble or my cool outer self.
You, Darkside, get to see as close to the real me as there is to see with someone who hasn't been with me my entire life.
I am the shy person you didn't dream I could be.